to want to stop sending christmas presents to my step-sisters children, as she takes the labels off

[NappyShedSal]

My step sister tells her children that all christmas presents come from Father Christmas. So she takes off any labels that are attached to the presents so that the children don't know they have come from someone else. She lives abroad so I have to post the presents, otherwise I'd hand them to the children themselves. Now, I know that it's her family's tradition. But a little bit of me feels like not bothering to get nice presents as the children don't know that I've gone to the effort.

If you read other threads about Santa you will see I am his biggest fan and believe absolutely in him and magic!
However he comes with a stocking. Other presents for other peoiple are under the tree and the DC can thank the right person and know in August that the playmobil came from Granny, because Granny knew they would like it.I will keep it up for controlling parents e.g. Santa asked if he could deliver my present and said thank you but I like to do it myself. But parents can't and won't control my present giving! Luckily I don't think it will ever crop up-it is not the norm.

pm - it is the norm in most European countries. I don't see how a tale about a kind man giving gifts to strangers goes against the spirit of Christmas at all. Being so fussy about who you get a thankyou off on the other hand

"The child can write a thankyou letter to Santa if you want to teach them to say thankyou while the parents can thank the giver."

Again you're missing the point! I know some of my elderly relatives get real pleasure from the contact they have with DS, and thank yous very much included in this.

My DC would think it utterly weird if Granny gives me a present and DH a present and leaves them out!

Not that elderly relatives have the monopoly on enjoying DCs - just that's the way it is in my family IYSWIM.

Having to know that presents are bought from shops for Christmas does take some of the magic/innocence away.

And linking so-called ties to presents is materialistic.

This is my opinion but I can totally understand why other families think differently.
But not respecting/insulting our traditions is out of order.

Is it really? Which European countries exactly? I'm genuinely interested. Do family and friends give presents on another day instead, or not at all?

Although whatever the traditions are in other countries, I'm sure it's not the tradition to take labels off presents when you know the giver would rather it be known the present's from them.

That's bad manners wherever you are, surely.

OP - YADNBU. I think your step sister is completely out of order. DS1 at 3.2 still remembers what his granny and his favourite cousin gave him last christmas. He doesnt see them much but it means a lot to him to see that they think of him and send him thoughtful little things.

I think your sister is very silly not to realise what she is doing. This isnt about gratitude, it is about the child knowing that someone is thinking about them. Giving the credit for all the presents to some jolly fat man in suit is ridiculous!

And this is coming from someone who thinks Santa is amazing! But there is a pecking order and family comes first fgs!

We have always had stocking presents from santa, and then all the rest of the presents were from the original donor. I feel that this is the best of both worlds - the boys had all the magic of Father Christmas and knew that their grandmas etc had thought about them, and gone out and got them something.

Even though I would not be happy with what the OP's SS is doing, I wouldn't either stop sending gifts, or put a letter inside the present, so that the whole thing blew wide open on Christmas day - that wouldn't be fair to the children.

stewie - I skimmed the thread and I stand firm in my opinion. Although I am British born, my culture is not british based. I make the customs in my house based on what I think is right for my family. Not on what happens in certain countries/ religions.

I think passing off families gifts as santa gifts is rude beyond belief. Believe you me, my son plays with the homemade ball his gran made for him far more than anything santa bought him. He takes it to bed with him. He is so proud that his gran made it just for him. How on earth can santa bringing something replicate that FGS!

So you make the customs based on what you think is right,mistletoekisses.
So do I.

I can't help but wonder how the "We dont do it ergo its wrong/stupid/insulting/cruel" team would react if someone decided to totally ignore their family traditions because they didnt agree with them!

I have seen several moans over the years about grandparents wanting the DGC to wait to open their presents until the GP's are there, and the parents saying it is unreasonable because they didnt do it as kids! GP's threatening to not give the gifts til they get there, mummys tearing their hair out, DH's caught in the middle!

Its not the fact that people disagree with the sisters tradition but the sheer hypocrisy of the reactions that is making me sick.

[fbear]

Agree Stewie. I give up.

Me three Stewie

I got shouted down earlier on, for objecting to being characterised as materialistic, and only after getting the credit for the presents. I found some of the things said highly offensive. I also objected to being blatantly disbelieved when I stated clearly that, for me, it is not about getting credit for the gift.

just joined and this thread is unbelievable. Little Britain or what! Everything we buy for the kids is from Santa (not just stocking stuff) and relatives are given separately and we never give written thank you notes. Was how I was brought up and never thought to do it differently. But, I don't care how anyone else does it or would want to criticise them for having a different Christmas tradition. Have some people on MN actually ever moved out their street never mind thought that some people or countries do things differently. Live and let live and all that jazz!

It's fine that everyone has different traditions, and the theory that we should tolerate each others choices is a good one.

I think the problem is when Tradition A (gifts from named givers) comes into conflict with Tradition B (Santa give all gifts). How do you decide who needs to back down and sacrifice their tradition? Who decides which tradition is kept? Can the upset be sensitively handled?

I guess this is being acted out in homes across the world every year: 1pm lunch vs. 4pm lunch, Queen's speech or not, stockings vs. no stockings. It's part of why Christmas is so stressful for adults.

I think it just time to draw a line underneath it.

Obviously group A will not agree with group B and vice versa so they will have to disagree.

If ever the twain do meet... then they have to either accept the other's rules or not give a gift, simples.