to want to stop sending christmas presents to my step-sisters children, as she takes the labels off

[NappyShedSal]

My step sister tells her children that all christmas presents come from Father Christmas. So she takes off any labels that are attached to the presents so that the children don't know they have come from someone else. She lives abroad so I have to post the presents, otherwise I'd hand them to the children themselves. Now, I know that it's her family's tradition. But a little bit of me feels like not bothering to get nice presents as the children don't know that I've gone to the effort.

it's

I think that it is up to you to follow the traditions that you wish in your own home but what you can't do is force others to follow.
I have friends from different countries and they all let family and friends give their own presents so I am not so I am not 'anglo-centric'.
My DCs grandad was good at woodwork and so he used to make presents-I think it would have been unfair for the credit to be taken away and DSs should be proud to say 'my grandad made that'.
I think it highly unlikely that I will ever have my presents taken away and given by someone else, but if so I will find a way around it e.g. since they don't know I give a present anyway as Santa hijacks it, I will tell them that I have my own tradition and I give my presents at New Year when Santa is having a rest.

I agree StewieGriffinsMom, although I'd amend your comment to say family (instead of home) as half the discussions round here take place before anyone has actually decided where they are spending Christmas.
Every Christmas is a detailed negotiation to ensure that everyone's personal traditions and foibles are catered for - followed by much soothing of ruffled feather. However, we do generally come out of it still talking, even liking, each other in the New Year.

I can't see the problem... Why can't your step-sister just tell the kids: "These ones are the presents that Santa left for you in NappyShedSal's house, she has been kind enough to send them"?

The Op's post is a different matter and I would have the presents coming from family but that;s what the SIL does and it's up to the Op if she stops sending presents, accepts SIL's ways or scuppers with a fly note.

What I have been gobsmacked at is how blinkered many of the other comments have been that their way of doing things is the 'right and proper' way. Do people really not think that other ways can just be as valid. Some of the opinions have really left a nasty taste.

Just send them late.

In my MILs Northern English culture all presents come from Father Christmas, luckily DD1 was too young to notice when she tried this on us for her 1st 2 christmases and now she knows better than to tell her a present is from Santa when I tell DD that it comes from Grandma.

Definitely NOT materialistic or consumerist to know who gave what - Jesus knew (as much as a baby could) that the lamb was from the shepherds etc.
Father Christmas gives small stocking necessities and easy to play with before parents up presents. Presents from parents are more likely to be the ones off tv that clearly the elves didn't make.
What about children's presents to each other/to parents? Adults presents? Do they have to pretend they came from Father Christmas too? What is wrong with the spirit of giving including everyone, not just Father Christmas?

pisces - agree you can't insist other people follow your traditions. But does that mean you think the OP's stepsister is unreasonable for taking the labels off, or the OP is being unreasonable because once the presents reach the sister's house, it's up to the sister what she does? I'd say it BU to insist other people follow your habits = the stepsister is unreasonable.

Stewie, you are so darn reasonable. Nothing quite so irritating as someone who disagrees with you and is clearly being reasonable!

Yup, definitely small children causing chaos. See, you are still being ruddy reasonable, you irritating right person!

Bribery is a perfectly reasonable parenting technique, SGM. And of course your choice of christmas tree is correct - that goes without saying!

You could always send them a nicely wrapped piece of coal this year and watch her explain that one away...

[Disclaimer: don't actually do this]

'But does that mean you think the OP's stepsister is unreasonable for taking the labels off, or the OP is being unreasonable because once the presents reach the sister's house, it's up to the sister what she does? '

If it was anything else you would think it really rude if someone gave a present, you took off the label and told them it was from someone else!! Normally I would follow any silly rule people have but I would find a way around that one because I disagree strongly and feel that it all hinges on materialism, rather than the thought, and love, of the person giving it and being able to thank them. If it is given to the child it is the child who should thank and not the adult.
It is quite easy to circumvent-in case of OP just send late and say it is your own 'quaint' tradition-you don't like to overburden Santa and so you wait until he has been.

Yo talk so much sense SGM . DH and I have very different traditions and VERY different ways of doing Christmas (not least because I'm from the Souhern Hemisphere so Christmas is HOT ). I grew up doing Christmas on Christmas Eve. We'd have the big meal and open presents before going to midnight mass. Christmas day it self was a much more relaxed 'lounging' by the pool affair. When we were little (and still believed in Father Christmas) we did get a stocking of some sort on Christmas morning. This, however, fell away as we grew up and no longer believed. DH's family do things completely differently. Stockings in the morning when you wake (originally from Santa, now from MIL. Yes she still insists in doing stockings for her grown children!) Presents on Christmas morning (and boy there are LOTS of them, and expensive too ) followed by big Christmas lunch. We've avoided tackling how wer are going to celebrate our Christmases by just alternating spending them with each other's families but as DS gets older I am keen to figure out a way in which we incorporate/acknowledge both traditions.

I do the same as your sister in law. I don't do it to discredit the giver, I do it so that Santa looks more generous and therefore dd is more awestruck. I don't remove the labels but if my dd asks I say the the gift was sent to Santa by whoever it was- she can't really read well yet and is far too busy ripping the paper off to notice any labels anyway. I know who bought what and are always grateful for the gifts and when dd is older she will ow the truth anyway- is only for a short magical period.

Why would you want to sabotage the SIls family traditions???- I think it would be mean!!! I would question your intentions for buying the gifts in the first place. Sounds like you are annoyed because you want to appreciated as the generous aunt, not because you genuinely want your nephews/nieces to have the gift.

I live in France and just found out that here, traditionally all presents are given by Father Christmas. Although I agree that it's a shame that children aren't told where (some of) their presents really come from, if I were to impose my anglo-saxon tradition of giving presents to DD's friends from DD not FC, I would be opening up the question to those children of whether FC exists at all, which would be a bigger shame IMO. Therefore in the OP's shoes, I'd acquiesce with step-sister's wishes, and if I felt very strongly, I might try to establish why she does things that way before I tried to undermine it.

I can't believe that people feel so strongly about the need for recognition for buying a present that they would interfere in another family's tradition.

I would go mad if one of my relatives decided to undermine me in the ways suggested.

Everybody I know has a different tradition about how they do Christmas. We open presents first thing but others wait until after lunch. Neither is right and neither is wrong.

Live and let live. The magic of Santa last for a very short time and I for one would prefer knowing that the child had a magical time than fretting about whether I got a thank you note.

If people feel it is undermining I think I would just stop-after all the DC won't know!!!
I would start again when the parents allowed me to give a present.

Recognition is just another word for credit, and we have said numerous times that it is NOT about getting credit for the gift - I know it is not about the credit for me - not that people believe me, of course!

That said, I wouldn't do something like putting a note in the present, or not sending a present at all - that wouldn't be fair to the child. But if I had friends who were doing this, I would probably send a little token gift at Christmas and a bigger gift on their birthday, or at New Year.

And Jins - my children had wonderfully magical times opening their stockings from Father Christmas - and then in the afternoon, they opened their presents from us and from friends and family - and that was lovely for them too.

The fact that not all the presents came from Father Christmas didn't make their Christmases any less magical, as far as I could see.

So you would prefer the children to have one less present rather than them not knowing it came from you?
You are doing it only for the credit then?

I think it seems materialistic and grabbing to say you can give a present but it is to make Santa look more generous-if they want Santa to be more generous they can supply more presents! Mine were awestruck by a stocking-I don't think they need mountains of presents to be awestruck. (there are some threads where parents want to know in advance what you are buying!!) It gets a bit bridezilla-this is the list from Santa-what ARE you providing?!