Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to kill my DH

174 replies

kittycat37 · 29/11/2010 21:11

I am Angry Angry Angry

Today I used DH's car.

I was pulled over by the police and told that the car had showed up as uninsured.

Totally Shock I stammered that it definitely was insured, must be some mistake etc etc

No, it WASN'T FUCKING INSURED. DH had cancelled premium 10 days ago, was wanting to find a better deal, did not tell me, FUCKING FORGOT

The car was seized, I was issued with 6 points - MY LICENSE HAS ALWAYS BEEN CLEAN FOR THE LAST 12 YEARS SINCE I BEGAN DRIVING. We have a whopping fine we can't afford.

Worst of all I'm devasted that this might come up in future job interviews and affect my chances. Let alone the horrific thought of what might have happened had there been an accident.

He's at work now. Keeps texting 'sorry'.

I don't think I can forgive him. I'm absolutely completely furious. Dont' tell me IABU because I know I'm not. I wish I'd never married him. TWAT.

OP posts:
Catkinsthecatinthehat · 30/11/2010 23:51

Quite possibly. Grin But I'd also be single after this.

Why the sympathy for the husband?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 30/11/2010 23:55

A driving conviction will not affect her CRB. It may appear on there, but will not affect any job prospects.

Catkins, there was no smuggery. The Op herself has responded to my post in the way it was intended. There is no reason for you to have a problem with it.

Give your opinion by all means on how she should handle the situation. Agree/disagree with me that she shouldn't try to wriggle off the conviction hook.

Name checking posters as "smug" though is out of order and makes you look very strange, especially since the OP has subsequently had a perfectly reasonable exchange with me.

A pity you couldn't do the same, eh ?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 30/11/2010 23:56

Catkins...did you see my post about my own DH's fuckwitted forgetfulness ? Should I also be divorced ? Did he also try to kill me ??? Hmm

QueenOfTheNightBeforeChristmas · 30/11/2010 23:59

Laugh about it??

In the same way me and DP laugh about the time 20+ years ago when he got done for drinking and driving? When me and DS had to get taxis or the bus everywhere cos we couldn't afford the car insurance with me being a new driver and then all of the expense of massive insurance premiums for 10 years when DP got his licence back because of his conviction.

Oh how we chortle about his stupendous, idiotic mistake and the impact it had on us and could have had on us if the dickhead had killed himself or someone else.

Neither I or the OP were party to our OH's stupid actions. Laugh about it? Not a chance.

Yes we've put it behind us, but it's an episode that he is deeply ashamed of and not one for humour. I rather think he OP's DH should feel the same for putting his DW in such a position. I wouldn't feel able to laugh about it.

mumoy · 30/11/2010 23:59

After you finish choking him and he regains conciousness you need to get to the truth about why he cancelled the insurance no-one cancels one without setting another one up first Confused! If it had just lapsed and he forgot fair enough but to cancel it???It just doesn't make sense!!! Has he got money worries you do not know about? I don't think he done it expecting you to get caught but something is very odd and no YANBU if my DH pulled that stunt he would have been buried under the cherry tree before you could say 6 points!!!!!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 01/12/2010 00:02

OP has gone to bed, btw

zipzap · 01/12/2010 00:02

Have you double and triple checked that he hasn't changed YOUR insurance policy on your car in any way?

Might be worth specifically asking the question!

And also stating for the record that from here on in, if anybody cancels anything they make sure the replacement is in place before the original is cancelled and that the other person is told about both the cancelled and replacement thing. OK so theoretically you shouldn't have to spell that out to your adult husband but given what has just happened, think it is reasonable thing to ask of him. And saying that you will do the same for him.

Tortington · 01/12/2010 00:04

is this a divorcing matter?

no. i can't believe anyone would think so.

unless there was some evil intention behind the action

AllGoodNamesGone · 01/12/2010 00:10

Catkins, he didn't cancel Kitty's policy. He cancelled his own policy, fully intending to take out another but then forgot all about it. They swapped cars for the day as he had the children with him and her car had the car seats in.

It could easily have been him with the points as he has presumably been driving around in the car for several days since the policy ended.

It was awful bad luck that poor Kitty happened to be driving when the police spotted the car was not insured.

No wonder she's livid but it seems to be very out of character for him to carve up something so important so badly.

Catkinsthecatinthehat · 01/12/2010 00:11

Queen, it's actually worse than what your husband did. He got drunk and took the consequences, although there was a knock-on effect on you. What Kitty's husband did it the equivalent of spiking her drink when she was planning to remain sober. Even his mother says that he's not particularly bothered by what he did. Well it's not his problem is it?

Agree MUMOY. Who the hell cancels an insurance premium half way through, then lends his wife his car? Lapse yes, cancel no. Was he trying to save money by thinking he wouldn't get caught.

Catkinsthecatinthehat · 01/12/2010 00:17

The OP has an enhanced CRB where any suspicion of dishonesty is recorded.

Smug. Strange. Pot. Kettle.

LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 01/12/2010 00:21

OP said something earlier about the H getting a letter saying the policy had actually lapsed. check back.. may be relevant.

Drinking and driving is a totally avoidable conscious decision. No, there is no time ever that this would be funny.

Letting a policy lapse, or cancelling one and not getting another in place is not the same thing at all. Let's stop the hysterical Spiking of Drinks comments, they are not relevant at all.

There was no DIRECT RISK to the OP through DH actions, only a hypothetical one IF there was an accident. IF someone ran into her car.

NONE OF THIS HAPPENED. She was rightfully stopped by the Police and prosecuted.

Catkins, chill out love. Pick your battles, this is not one you are ever going to win, and never in this manner.

As AFforaMincePie* has pointed out, OP has retired for the evening. Judging by the display of 'Overtireds' here, she is not the only one that ought to consider it.

  • (never christmas till AF has her mince pies out) Grin
QueenOfTheNightBeforeChristmas · 01/12/2010 00:26

I totally agree Catkins.

QueenStromba · 01/12/2010 01:20

I'm with Catkins. In the OP's position I would be seriously wondering if my DH was out to get me - the fact that he canceled the insurance and then told her to drive his car seems very odd to me.

I sometimes drive my housemate's car because mine's only a little two seater. If he cancelled his insurance, then suggested I take his car for whatever reason and I got done by the police I would string him up by his balls. If I'd just taken his car without asking first then it would be another matter altogether obviously.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 01/12/2010 06:56

I am looking at my DH in a whoooole different light Hmm

ItalianLady · 01/12/2010 07:37

I can't understand why your husband told you to take his car knowing it wasn't insured.

Original poster
kittycat37 · 01/12/2010 10:00

Ok - morning all

This thread has gone seriously weird.

Is DH out to get me? No

Is he a fuckwit airhead disorganised idiot? Yes

Is he mortified? Yes

I'm absolutely furious with him still - can't help it.

But he is a decent person. He's utterly clueless and naive about stuff like this - he has no malicious intent. He's the most loving Dad you've ever met and he's a caring supportive partner. He literally had a stress induced brain malfunction, I'm certain.

My Mum who's been a teacher for 23yrs reckons motoring offences are not an issue with enhanced CRBs which is the thing I'm most worried about. But she's a bit like DH (airy fairy)- hence the 'laughing' comment I think.

As for the rest of it........still not sure what to do.

OP posts:
Jux · 01/12/2010 10:47

Even DH's are human.
Humans make mistakes.
Humans forget things - particularly when they are under stress or the kids are acting up or something else happens and then you think "oh I'll just stop little Johnny from electrocuting himself here and get back to insuring the car later" and then after LJ has been removed from the socket and piece of wire he was about to poke into it (just to see what happens Daddy) then little Sarah slips on the stairs and then there's no milk so you've got to pop to the shops and so on and so forth and somehow you don't get back to the insurance and it goes out of your head.

And wife gets very cross when she's done for driving without insurance, and quite rightly so.

So, imo, in this case, kittycat is being entirely reasonable in being furious. Kittycat's dh is being entirely reasonable in being mortified.

At some point you will calm down, kittycat, and put it behind you. You could try getting nice bit of Prada, or at least a bunch of flars!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 01/12/2010 13:15

kitty, I have worked in recruitment for the NHS and have dealt with enhanced CRB's

motoring offences may show up but they don't make any difference during recruitment ie. they are disregarded

I told you that upthread...don't be swayed by people who don't know what they are talking about

hope you are feeling slightly calmer today...but yes, you should still be very pissed off with your DH

watch out he doesn't try to push you down the stairs though...since he obviously wants to get you into trouble/kill you Wink

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 01/12/2010 13:16

sorry, meant to say enhanced CRB's for candidates who will be working with vulnerable people...you don't get more "CRB" than that

glitzy · 01/12/2010 14:16

Are the people saying that the DH is "out to get her" etc, are you really that suspicious of your own DH's. That if they forget something (which is quite easy to do with a busy life), that means they have some ulterior motive?

What a wierd way to be! Barking!

ConstanceFelicity · 01/12/2010 14:21

By a weird twist of fate, I have tried to tax my DHs car, only to find that he forgot to insure ours- I'm the main driver and have been driving in it uninsured with 2 DCs for a week or so. He did get letters but didn't open them as they "looked boring" Hmm. He is mortified, and I am pissed off with him.

However. It's not the end of the world. I'm lucky I wasn't stopped by the coppers, but I'm still stuck without the use of a car now until DH sorts insurance/tax.

katkit · 01/12/2010 14:26

-not read all the posts, but... this happened to my husband, except it was his employer who screwed up hugely. if you ring a solicitor they'll tell you over the phone if you have a chance, for free. sory to bring bad news but my dh was told he had no chance of getting it overturned in court. even though his employer admitted fault.

sorry, it's so unfair.

strumpet82 · 01/12/2010 14:43

No one checks with their partner before getting in the car. ANY SENSIBLE ADULT HAS INSURANCE and the question doesn't need asking.

I'm Angry for you!

Catkinsthecatinthehat · 01/12/2010 14:44

Firstly, I admit to typing under the influence last night so apologies to AF and Kitty's DH for ascribing malign motives to them. Blush

There's a discussion about an identical case on the RAC's forum.
www.rac.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=4908

Looks like it's an absolute offence and the only exception is for employees driving a company vehicle (surprised your husband wasn't told that Katkit)

You can go to court and argue special circumstances - the judge may reduce the standard 6 points/£200 fine, or think you are trying it on and impose a more severe penalty.