to want to kill my DH

[kittycat37]

I am

Today I used DH's car.

I was pulled over by the police and told that the car had showed up as uninsured.

Totally I stammered that it definitely was insured, must be some mistake etc etc

No, it WASN'T FUCKING INSURED. DH had cancelled premium 10 days ago, was wanting to find a better deal, did not tell me, FUCKING FORGOT

The car was seized, I was issued with 6 points - MY LICENSE HAS ALWAYS BEEN CLEAN FOR THE LAST 12 YEARS SINCE I BEGAN DRIVING. We have a whopping fine we can't afford.

Worst of all I'm devasted that this might come up in future job interviews and affect my chances. Let alone the horrific thought of what might have happened had there been an accident.

He's at work now. Keeps texting 'sorry'.

I don't think I can forgive him. I'm absolutely completely furious. Dont' tell me IABU because I know I'm not. I wish I'd never married him. TWAT.

Go get yourself some legal advice - contact a criminal firm ASAP

Please please please ring them first thing - where are you?

Im not sure on the law but you had no knowledge of this and the magistrates may well have powers to reduce the sentence

I would take my chances in Court

Thanks Queen and AllGoodNamesGone - I am emailing some places now. I will try CAB again tomorrow.

Is anyone else feeling uncomfortable about a poster being assisted and pushed into attempting to wriggle out of a misdemeanour she is actually bang to rights for ?

I think the circumstances are unfortunate (your DH cancelled and didn't tell you etc) but the fact remains you were driving an uninsured car

Tell that to the families of victims that have been injured/killed by uninsured drivers

OP, I know you are mortified, and no way am I lumping you in with criminals who drive knowingly uninsured, but the law is there for a reason. I feel really sorry for you but you drove an uninsured car...end of

Like I said upthread, I think you should take your medicine. It's not like you mugged a granny or summat. You both made a mistake, and should take the punishment, IMO.

< dons tin hat and flak jacket >

No probs kittycat37 I just wish I knew more about the law!

Do check it out though cos the police aren't going to do you any favours. I hope you and your DH get things sorted but please don't just accept this.

I don't think any magistrate would throw the book at you after hearing your mitigation. I mean who checks on a daily basis that their DH hasn't cancelled the car insurance on a whim? No one - not even magistrates!

Anyfucker - I don't mind if DH gets points/fines for HIS cockup - fair enough.

WHY SHOULD I????

According to the legal stuff I've read so far, DH in effect mislead me and so this counts as defence of 'special circumstances' for no insurance.

Also, I'm not trying to 'wriggle out' of anything AF - if there's no legal defence, I'll put up and shut up.

But I don't know yet because I'm not a lawyer, ARE YOU??????

< shrugs >

I said my piece, shall say no more. It seems I am in the minority

FWIW, my DH, if he did this, would certainly feel my wrath, points on licences aside

Save your anger for your husband, kitty

It was a stupid thing to do, but we all do stupid things. He can only say sorry.

Sorry AF - Not angry with you - always glad to see you on a thread. Just worn out with it all and seriously fucked off with the whole titting thing. And also worried about how much I'm hating DH still (despite loving him iykwim)

I know kitty, I would be thoroughly fucked off too

The above is my take on the situation, that is all. I didn't mean to wind you up further.

In your situation, for my blood pressure's sake, I would actually just hold my hands up, take the punishment and move on .

Something wrong happened, no matter how it came about, and dragging it out may actually do more harm than good, IMO (to your mental health, and to your relationship)

I would just take the pill, if I were you. Is just my opinion though.

Yes AF, I'm sort of coming to that conclusion I think. I can't exactly stand up in court and say he mislead me and think it's going to be good for us!!

Like you say - it's not mugging a granny. I just feel so sick about it because I'm a thoroughly square law abiding person. I can't quite accept I'll have a convinction and all that.

But as you say, the facts are the facts whatever the circumstances.

Aww, I would feel the same

See how you feel in the morning.

You are not a bad person because you will get a motoring offence...ffs, half the country would be banged up if that were the case !

My advice to you would be, accept the consequences and concentrate on sorting out your stressful family life.

That will be much more beneficial to you all than chasing some kind of vindication in the courts. You know the truth, we know the truth. Everyone who loves you will put it down to a stupid mistake.

You will look back on this as a blip...not the end of the world, athough I really admire how seriously you are taking this x

AF is of course correct. We all know that.

Of course that is hardly the point, cos Kitty's DH is still walking without a limp...

Kittycat, I totally understand your fury. My ExH once locked the bottom lock of my house door once and I literlly couldn't get out of the house. Had to go out the back, and climb over the back yard wall, scraping my knee, my shoes and my trousers, IIRC.

Whilst your situation is even more grave and you are well within your rights to be furious with your DH, I too was livid. I called him to tear him limb from limb. He said to me Oh, so, sorry, I dunno what I was thinking.. At the time the fury was still there, but i thought to myself, OK, so he said sorry, I'm out of the house, scuffed, but out. What more do I want, what can H really DO to make it up to me. The answer then was nothing. I had to lose the fury and accept his apology and go on. I was late for work, my shoes and trousers were marked, but I was OK, and in the bigger scheme of things it didn't matter.

OK so you are going to take a hit for points and a fine. This is seriously crap.

You do have to take the hit, there is no way out of that, you also have to let go of the anger etc (for your own mind), but your H has to make amends.

HE has to pay the fine. HE has to pay any difference on your insurance policy until the points are removed. YOU ought not to be disadvantaged in any way due to his actions.

It'll be up to you to decide when to let the whole subject lie...

My dim and distant memory banks are stirring...

I remember many moons ago, DH forgot to take my car for an MOT, thus invalidating the insurance. So.... a double whammy if got caught. No MOT and uninsured vehicle.

You see, quite traditonally I suppose, he takes responsibility for "car stuff"

I was not amused. If caught though, it would have been "fair cop, guv'nor"

More recently, he has not once not twice but three times paid his credit card bill late, thus incurring a 20 quid penalty fine each time.

I was not amused. Cue the expected row and accusations of fuckwittedness aplenty.

It happens to us all. Family life is very stressful. You will sort it out.

Yep AF - you're right. No court is actually going to make me feel better about this because what is bugging me is the fact that I trusted him so much and he let me down.

Having said that, he only let me down due to administrative malfunction - Not in the much more serious ways you so often see on MN and RL.

So I do have to find a way to let go of the SHEER GUT WRENCHING FURY

Littlemisshoho - he will pay for it all and he wouldn't consider suggesting otherwise (bit of a moot point at the moment because he's currently the bread winner with me on a bit of DC based career break - he pays for almost everything - hence his extreme stress levels I think).

God, life's rich tapestry etc etc

My Mum said 'one day you'll laugh about this' (She loves my DH)

Sleep on it.

Thanks again for all the support. I'm going to bed before the baby decides to wake up.

Night night x

p.s. AF - so glad it's not just my DH who's got an A+ in fuckwittery.

He does mostly good stuff, btw

I bet your DH does too.

Sorry, but this would be a divorcing matter for me.

Your husband has deliberately engineered a situation that lets him off scott free and leaves you with a criminal record.

Yes, it's an absolute offence and you're technically guilty. He cancelled your insurance so you've not got a leg to stand on. But you jointly took out a policy, he cancelled it without informing you and actively encouraged you to drive. Have you pissed him off in any way and this is his passive aggressive way of getting back at you, knowing you're in a profession that needs an enhanced CRB? Is he gloating at you even more than AnyFucker?

I'd take it to court and argue special circumstances. If you get any less a result than an absolute discharge (which avoids a criminal record) then end the marriage on the grounds of domestic abuse. You've been set up sucker, and I'm surprised by the sympathy he's getting on this thread from other women because he's a bit pale.

If you remain married to him, don't be surprised if he uses this as a stick to beat you with in future.

I don't think Kitty would be wriggling out of anything if she goes to court and tells the truth, the whole truth and all that and lets the court make a decision.

Surely the misleading thing wouldn't work though - he didn't deliberately mislead - just made a stupid mistake and forgot to tell her.

Kitty, you need to find out how much the points will affect future insurance premiums. As I understand it, most insurers are not too bothered about three points for speeding, but, understandably, take a much dimmer view of a conviction for driving without insurance, and they probably won't be interested in the circumstances. Also find out for how many years you will have to declare it. Then decide what's the best course of action for you.

If you decide to take the points you must inform your own insurance immediately (and that will most likely go up too) or you would potentially be invalidating that policy too.

Wish I had something more positive to say :(

catkins, may I respectfully ask what the fuck you are talking about ?

"Is he gloating at you more than AnyFucker"

II'd like to see your justification for that remark.

One day you WILL laugh about it, your mum is right.

Catkins, what rot, you would so not divorce over this, he didn't do it on purpose, knowingly and maliciously.... Over reaction much?

Calm Down Dear...Ooh do I get to offer a now?

jesus catkins - are you a little bit mad?