Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to kill my DH

174 replies

kittycat37 · 29/11/2010 21:11

I am Angry Angry Angry

Today I used DH's car.

I was pulled over by the police and told that the car had showed up as uninsured.

Totally Shock I stammered that it definitely was insured, must be some mistake etc etc

No, it WASN'T FUCKING INSURED. DH had cancelled premium 10 days ago, was wanting to find a better deal, did not tell me, FUCKING FORGOT

The car was seized, I was issued with 6 points - MY LICENSE HAS ALWAYS BEEN CLEAN FOR THE LAST 12 YEARS SINCE I BEGAN DRIVING. We have a whopping fine we can't afford.

Worst of all I'm devasted that this might come up in future job interviews and affect my chances. Let alone the horrific thought of what might have happened had there been an accident.

He's at work now. Keeps texting 'sorry'.

I don't think I can forgive him. I'm absolutely completely furious. Dont' tell me IABU because I know I'm not. I wish I'd never married him. TWAT.

OP posts:
Original poster
kittycat37 · 29/11/2010 22:00

x post ChippingIN

So you think it sounds like he is really in a bad way then?

I was wondering. But his Mum saw him tonight after I had phoned him when I was with the police and she said he was absolutely fine and just saying 'I just forgot, I'm sorry' like it was no big deal.

We're both knackered at the moment with a 7mth baby and a 3yr old. So I'd put the exhaustion etc down to that. I don't know.

I told him to go a doctor this morning before all this happened because he had a hacking cough. Of course he didn't.

OP posts:
ballstoit · 29/11/2010 22:01

The registered owner of the car should insure it, as they are the one with the financial interest in it. The owner should declare who is the main driver. It's only fronting if you pretend that a main driver who is, for example, a teenager, only occasionally drives to obtain a cheaper premium.

Having said that, I would want one of the cars to be insured in my name so that I built up my own no claims bonus. When I worked in car insurance we often had women whose relationships had broken down who had no bonus in their own name, and it was very frustrating that they couldnt get a discount for their years of claim free driving.

Bunnyjo · 29/11/2010 22:01

YANBU Kitty - I would be furious if something similar happened to me. As it happens DH is useless leaves me to sort out things like car insurance, otherwise I am sure we'd end up in a similar pickle.

From what I have read, driving offences can show up on an eCRB disclosure - although that isn't always the case. It may be worth you disclosing the information and explaining the circumstances around it, as I am sure anyone would accept it was just an awful misunderstanding.

I think you should talk with DH, both to clear the air about this incident and to talk about your worries about him.

MmeLindt · 29/11/2010 22:01

Sounds like there are other issues, Kitty.

By chatting to him about it, you are not implying that you find his behaviour acceptable. But you do need to find out what is wrong.

Take a deep breath, let him know that you want to talk seriously without shouting or accusiations and find out what is bothering him.

It will not excuse his actions but it might make them more understandable.

bumpsnowjustplump · 29/11/2010 22:04

I think most companies now offer NCB for named drivers, I know that both our policies do.

We have two cars family car in my name me as main driver and dp as named driver.

We then have the old banger which dp uses for work during the day and I use for work in the evenings. he is owner and main driver and i am named driver.

We both get ncb on both policies and both our NCB is protected.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 29/11/2010 22:05

If he's constantly worried about money and has cancelled insurance (getting money back rather than just not paying it iyswim) Any chance he has debt's elsewhere that you don't know about? That or a gambling problem?

Sorry to be negative but something just not sitting right...

Bunnyjo · 29/11/2010 22:05

Just to add, it would definitely be worth checking with your insurer whether you are insured to drive other cars third party. I am fully comp on my own vehicle, but am insured to drive other cars third party.

bumpsnowjustplump · 29/11/2010 22:06

bunnyjo I think for that to work the other cars have to be insured in their own right as well.

lal123 · 29/11/2010 22:07

He's an arse. But you can explain to any future employer how you got the points - don't worry about that now? Count yourself lucky that there wasn't an accident (almost lucky in a way that you got "caught" before there was one). Sure be angry at him, but don't kill him - don't think you could explain that one quite so easily on a CRB check....

lal123 · 29/11/2010 22:08

Oh and Bunny - bumsnowjustplump is right - the car has to have insurance in it's own right, otherwise people would buy an old banger insure that and then drive a merc.

BexVN · 29/11/2010 22:09

Just think, would he have done this on purpose to you. If the answer is no, which I'm sure it is then ask yourself why it happened.

What is going on at work for him, time for a long chat and not with anger, tell him that this episode has really worried you.

I'm not underestimating his mistake and should it have happened to me I'd have been livid (luckily I insure my own car and know when hubby has his renewal come up so never had this problem) but it sounds like he is not coping at the mo.

Hope you can sort it out ok

ballstoit · 29/11/2010 22:09

borderslass,

If you are covered to drive other cars, that would only be if the other car has insurance in it's own right. Then you would be covered on a Third Party only basis.

Kitty, having said that I would be tempted to take your case to court when you get summons. Take proof that DH's insurance was cancelled and how (for example if he made the phone call), and take your insurance documents for your own vehicle. Also, when you have sorted DH at docs I would ask for them to write a letter confirming your DH's mental state. At the least this may reduce the fine you receive.

ballstoit · 29/11/2010 22:12

bumps, the NCB you earn in this way may not be transferrable to a different insurer. Which means you can stuck with one company.

Sorry to hijack Kitty.

ChippingIn · 29/11/2010 22:18

Kitty - yes I do - or at least I think it could be. My friends DH was like yours sounds right now (and they had reasons too - work stressful, small kids etc) but he was doing odd/stupid things (like your DH did not only cancelling the insurance but then telling you to take his car and it not going 'ding' bad idea!)... he was grey and tired - bit moody.

She took him to the Dr's - they saw him and sent him to the hospital and he was in and under in no time (heart related in his case).

I would also ring up someone tomorrow about the insurance - start with your insuance company and see. It depends what you have paid for but I believe you can have opted for 'other car' insurance even if you are only 3rd party - but not sure - you'll need to check.

I don't see why it would affect your work at all - I doubt it would show up on an advanced CRB but even if it did - it's easily explainable. Please try not to worry about that right now.

It's crap but it's only money/points - worry about DH first - get him to the Drs - go with him and make sure the Dr takes your worries seriously - insist he is not himself and you would like a FULL check up PUSH PUSH PUSH- do not let him go on his own and do that 'my wife sent me here cos I have a cold'.

and I don't give a fcuk how 1950's that sounds to anyone else - none of that 'he's an adult' will help you if he is really ill.

JockTamsonsBairns · 29/11/2010 22:41

I echo other posters' concerns about your DH's state of mind. I'm not a medic, but work in mental health and, from the info you give, there may be an indication of bipolar disorder. No diagnosis can, nor should, be made on a forum - it's a matter for his GP and I'd urge you to suggest he makes an appointment. Go with him to the appt, as you may be better placed to describe the full picture.

Of course, it may well be nothing of the sort - but I think you need to know. I don't know how to do links, but the Depression Alliance website will be helpful, as will Mind.

YANBU to be absolutely livid at him - it beggars belief that he led you into this situation by offering you his car to drive since the car seats were in it. If there are indeed mental health issues, you will at least know that his behaviour was irrational. Sorry, cold comfort I know.

Original poster
kittycat37 · 29/11/2010 22:42

ChippingIn - I think you're right. I will get him to go to doc.He's always been scatty but not like this,

What you say about it only being points/money is true too. The more worrying thing is him and if he's not coping.

This might have been a wake up call for us both.

OP posts:
Original poster
kittycat37 · 29/11/2010 22:46

Jock - you may be right. I'm thinking there may be depression lurking or something.

Ho hum...... he'll be back from work in a moment and I'll try and talk to him, if only about getting a doc's appointment.

OP posts:
AllGoodNamesGone · 29/11/2010 23:08

I agree with Chipping. If this is totally out of character for him, and it sounds like it is, then get him down to the doctors asap.

Also agree with Ballstoit about taking your case to court. Citizens Advice would be a good place to start and find out your options.

I wonder, could he have got his renewal quote in the post, thought, that's a bit steep, and rang to say he wasn't going to renew (thus giving himself a few weeks to arrange a new insurer) but said cancel by mistake, meaning they cancelled it straight away? This could happen very easily, especially if he is being vague atm. I wonder if it would be worth contacting them for a transcript of the phone call - just in case? I don't think it would get you off the hook but it might help the court be lenient if you could show it was a genuine mistake. No experience, just thinking what I would do in your situation.

I feel really bad for you, I would be devastated (and furious with him, ill or not!)

AnyFucker · 29/11/2010 23:14

kitty, you are getting great support but I just wanted to interject to reassure you that a fine and points for not having insurance will not register on a CRB check

QuintessentialShadows · 29/11/2010 23:19

So, let me get this straight.
He was driving YOUR car, which is insured, so he suggested YOU drive his car, after he himself has cancelled the insurance of his car.

Is he mad at your for something?

Driving offences are notifiable. It will also affect your insurance. Your premium will most likely increase quite a lot.

AllGoodNamesGone · 29/11/2010 23:21

Forgot to say, do get legal advice if you are thinking about taking it to court as I believe they can also increase fine and points if they don't believe you and think you are wasting their time.

AnyFucker · 29/11/2010 23:33

tbh, I think you hould just take your medicines

the posters who say all drivers of the car have a responsibility have a point actually

I am sure a court would say just the same

that doesn't take away from what a monumental twat your DH has been, btw

AnyFucker · 29/11/2010 23:33

should just take your medicine

bloody keyboard ! < ahem >

Simbacatlives · 29/11/2010 23:37

You won't get the points go to court.

Happened to a friend. She forgot to renew but her husband was stopped speeding and it came up as not insured. Had been insured for lat 3 years. He wentbto court and said that hecwas unaware uninsured. She went and said he didn't know and she didn't know.

He got off. She was told by police that they may sum mobs her within 3(I think) months for owning a car without insurance. But they didn't.

Simbacatlives · 29/11/2010 23:38

Sum mobs would be summons