to want to kill my DH

[kittycat37]

I am

Today I used DH's car.

I was pulled over by the police and told that the car had showed up as uninsured.

Totally I stammered that it definitely was insured, must be some mistake etc etc

No, it WASN'T FUCKING INSURED. DH had cancelled premium 10 days ago, was wanting to find a better deal, did not tell me, FUCKING FORGOT

The car was seized, I was issued with 6 points - MY LICENSE HAS ALWAYS BEEN CLEAN FOR THE LAST 12 YEARS SINCE I BEGAN DRIVING. We have a whopping fine we can't afford.

Worst of all I'm devasted that this might come up in future job interviews and affect my chances. Let alone the horrific thought of what might have happened had there been an accident.

He's at work now. Keeps texting 'sorry'.

I don't think I can forgive him. I'm absolutely completely furious. Dont' tell me IABU because I know I'm not. I wish I'd never married him. TWAT.

I just want to say, I did the same thing to dh (except on his car, I always do the insurance stuff for both cars) 4 years ago when I was ill with PND.

It wasn't intentional, and I wasn't a "total twat", I was mentally ill.

Dh got 6 points and a £400 fine. I was devastated.

How can you already have 6pts ?
Doesn't a court decide ?

Why was car seized ?

Mermaidspam - sorry. But at least you know the reason which is that you were ill and couldn;t help it. It might be tne same with my DH but I;m not sure really.

Cumfy - the policeman said I have the choice to have 6 points or take it to court.

Apparently they automatically seize the car now. He said he had no jurisdiction over that.

Just talked to DH. He was crying and full of remorse and just said he couldn't understand why he's been he'd been such an idiot. I asked him if he thought he could be depressed and he said he didn't think so. He just said he's overwhelmed with work and not thinking straight at all. He's also convinced that the woman on the phone gave him the impression that he had 14 days after cancelling the premium before definitely cancelling

But I've just been through my policy for my car and it looks like I might actually have been covered to drive someone else's car in any case. In which case, I don't know if I still have to try and go to court to show that or if they#ll just say it was a mistake if I go to the police station.

DH might get done though - but tbh that wouldn't be such a bad outcome since it's his mess. Also I'm currently trying to retrain and I don't want any potential blemishes on my CV. He's completely established in his career.

Thanks for all the replies and support.

I'm going to go to bed now. It's been a truly shit day from shitsville, but noone died I guess (hollow laugh).

kitty - actually I thought you had a period of time after the insurance runs out as a grace period (I know this because I have let my insurance run out before without realising and the insurance people said it was ok and backdated the cover ) Maybe it's different if you cancel or maybe she said they could reinstate his cover on the same terms. Anyway, that does sound sort of plausible to me.

The crying thing, however, is a bit worrying. Unless he generally likes to blub (and you said earlier you were surprised about tears in another conversation), sounds like he's under big time stress. At least you know he realises what he did was really stupid but he probably needs to deal with the stress issue. Another poster mentioned - could he have debts you don't know about?

Kitty - did you talk to him about going to the Doctors? I'm really worried about him :(

Hi. Can understand fully why you are so angry. But, is it possible your dh is "hiding " something from you? You say he is working insane hours-has he always, or is this recent? The crying and looking grey and exhausted are worring, and he could be very stressed?
Is there extra pressure at work for him? Is there talk of redundancy? Are you sure there is no financial difficulties that you dont know about?(you say you now have a huge fine you cant afford). I only ask, cos often, when money is tight, the first things people start to cut back on, are insurance policies etc.
Only you know how out of character this is for your dh,(or not), but if it is, I would urge him to see his GP and to cut back his working hours. Money worries or not, no job is worth making yourself ill for. Take Care.

Please update us, kitty, when/if you can, there is concern for you, and your DH, here x

You need to see a solicitor.

You do get 14 days grace.

And in any case, your DH has convinced you from his conversations with the insurers, that the car was still insured.

The police will know you get 14 days grace, so do not go contacting them. They are in the wrong and will sell you any line which will try and scare you not taking this to court.

Do not believe anyone who tells you: "oooh its too late, you've accepted a 6 point penalty"
You haven't.

You need to see a solicitor.

I thought the "14 days grace" thing was a myth, tbh

does anyone know for sure ?

'Oh and Bunny - bumsnowjustplump is right - the car has to have insurance in it's own right, otherwise people would buy an old banger insure that and then drive a merc.'

Not so, there would have to be a clause in the DOC arrangement that specifically states the other vehicle must already be insured. I have been advised by my insurers that the car I was driving wouldn't need to be insured individually, I also had this confirmed by the Police and this is specific to each individual policy, also I wouldn't particularly fancy driving a Merc with third party cover only - I cannot imagine the insurance saving would outweigh the risk of the car being damaged or stolen. Many garages run on group policies and it isn't the individual cars that are insured, but group policy which happens to insure whatever cars are on their fleet at any given time. That said, you could get stopped by any Police vehicle using ANPR and have to go through the rigmarole of explaining about the insurance each time. You also would not be able to park the vehicle on public roads.

Kitty, it does dound like you should see a solicitor - there is definitely an argument that you drove the vehicle under good faith that it was insured and your husband can confirm that. Good luck and I hope you can sort this all out - I hope your husband is OK too.

I think he needs a check up at the doctors and if he is sorry I am sure he will want to prove that by going to the GP.

DH and I have our own car and are the main driver on our own cars but insured to drive either car.

Hope it all works out vis a vis the car thing.

I think you need a quiet and calm chat with your dh. He says he's overwhelmed and that is when mistakes like this happen, making everything worse and making him (and you) more overwhelmed.

The grace thing is an urban myth.

Kitty, I can understand why you are mad.

But before you frog march your DH to the doc's to have him checked out for something medical, stop and think if its pressure & stress related.

I know that I have an awful memory. I don't think I am losing my marbles but just because of the work I do, I have SO many different things to keep on top of that my mind is often like swiss cheese.

You can only slice yourself so thinly before things slip.

Consider if for example you were on holiday with DH. Would he still be so scatty minded? If he is then yes get him checked out. If not then you may find a chat about how to kick down a gear works better than medicine.

Good luck

I don't think there's any conflict in saying 'I am absolutely FURIOUS and this is not like you. What's going on?'

i.e. being concerned for his welfare doesn't have to cancel out being angry at this utterly twatsome act.

And I say this having lost my dh's life insurance by not remembering to fill in a form. He is now uninsurable.

Definitely no grace period from the date of cancelling, the date of cancelling is the date the premium stops, otherwise you'd be getting two weeks grace for free and what insurance company is going to let you do that (especially if you are taking your business elsewhere)?

stress is a medical condition - it can affect everything about how yo ulive your everyday life - it doesn't have to be related to depression, but it might lead there if he doesn't get sorted.

He can be signed off work for stress.

what you won't want to hear is that you car insurance is going to go up because of the points - so insurnace companies will even refuse to insure you as tese points are seen as a major conviction................i would want to kill dh too if he was mine

oh and it is correct you may have doc on your policy but the car cannot be owned by you/hired by you/ and must be insured elsewhere

and i meant some insurance companies not so

NiceGuy - that's all well and good 'kicking down a gear' but it wont stop him dying of a heart attack if he is ill, he is 'grey & exhausted' not just a bit scatty - there's no harm in getting checked out & kicking back a gear! Why is it that men like you see going to the Drs as such a threat/failure?

Hi again all,
Thanks again for all the replies and support - it's been a total godsend. I don't want to talk to many people in RL about this.

So the latest is this:

Went to police station today and showed them my certificate of insurance for my car which definitely says I'm covered for driving other cars.

Unfortunately was told this is entirely irrelevant as the vehicle itself should have been insured and as the driver I am completely at fault whether or not it was 'technically' DH's fault that insurance was not valid.

Also told that if go to court penalties could be a lot worse.

I have 7 days to decide what to do. I think I will consult CAB, but really on balance I think it's going to be a question of lumping it. According to the law I was at fault even if it's entirely DH's fault rather than mine.

Also DH went through his mountain of post which he never opens (!) and found a letter from last week saying that the policy had lapsed so he hasn't got a leg to stand on in terms of claiming it was the company's fault.

I have had a good talk with him though. I think this episode does show how over stressed he's been. It's a lesson for both of us. He assures me he's not on the point of a break down or depressed and I believe him. I also know there are no debts elsewhere or any dark skeletons that some posters suggested. It's just he's been operating at the limit for too long. In some ways I feel a bit responsible. He's a dickhead for not opening his post and for not being on the case with the insurance after cancelling it. But I saw the mountain of post building up and I didn't offer to help or ask about it. Admittedly I feel rushed off my feet with our two DCs (I'm on maternity leave) but in all honesty I don't think the pressures on me have been as great as those on him. He's been working flat out and he does completely do his share with DCs as well - getting up in the night etc I don't think his physical health is great but he's adamant that it's nothing serious. I'm going to gently encourage a doctor's appointment if it doesn't improve soon.

He was at home for 2hrs this am before he had to leave for another 15hr day. I was out. When I got back the place was sparkling. Now I'm not saying 'oh how marvelous' or anything but I appreciate that he really is trying to make ammends.

That's it for now.

Please get legal advice - check your house insurance policy to see if you've got legal cover as lots of policies have it as standard.

I'm not a police basher but they aren't independent, they have targets and will be reluctant to drop charges unless they really, really have to. I don't think you taking in your certificate is enough for them to do that unfortunately.

And as for penalties being worse if you go to court that isn't always true. My stupid DB got caught speeding again when he was just a few weeks off having had his licence for 2 years and would have accrued 12 points and had his licence withdrawn.

His job depended on it and although all his speeding tickets were as a result of being put under serious pressure by his then employer to be in two places at once - which is no excuse - he went to court, put his cases forward, apologised profusely to the magistrates and set out the facts that a driving ban would leave him unemployed and having to claim benefits. They waived the points that would have meant him having to re-take his test and gave him a £1000 fine instead. The police told him it was cut and dried and he should just plead guilty by post.

And if the vehicle has to be insured for someone else to drive it even though they are covered by separate insurance to drive any vehicle how come I've seen police officers driving away uninsured, seized vehicles on any number of Road Wars, Coppers type programmes?

Speak to a solicitor!

That's very interesting QueenofTheNight.

We're not covered for legal advice though and I'm scared of the costs.

If I can get free advice somewhere I will but I have to do it so quickly - DH phoned CAB today but they didn't phone back.

I'm not sure what to do.

Check if any local solicitors do the free hour consultation which would probably we worth your while just to find out if you have a decent defence.

I can imagine the costs might be a worry but you need to consider the cost of insurance once they take into account the 'conviction' which will last for either 3 or 5 years, depending on your insurance company, until they consider it gone.

If you google - motoring legal advice forum - loads of links come up where you could post for advice. Moneysavingexpert.com also has a free legal advice forum that would probably be worth a go too.

Keep trying CAB. Go in to your nearest one if you can.