for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

[CareeringAlong]

Name change...

Following from the threads about life at home when you don't do voluntary of paid work, although your children are of school-age, I was wondering if anyone else who does work can't help feeling a tad superior? Oh yes, I know I'll be flamed for this, but there it is.

These housewives seem to do all the things that working mothers do (cooking, cleaning, planning etc, etc, etc) but don't have any purpose outside of this. They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them.

I'm currently a SAHM as DD is pre-school, but will do paid (and voluntary) work as soon as she's in school. I'm looking forward to building-up my career again and working for the family.

Oh, and before anyone jumps on this, I've always cooked decent-quality meals from scratch, even when I worked v. long hours; my dogs are walked in the early hours; and my house is always clean and tidy. I argue that ironing is for losers, however!

OK. Hard hat on!

Oldest profession in the world, and all that.

Mrmister,

If someone has been "working" all day with housework and childcare, I'd be pretty pissed off in the evenings and weekends if my DH came in and didn't share bathing, bedtime, etc. If you equate staying at home as working then you can't have it both ways!

Well, if we're going to dissect a throwaway/light-hearted comment...

She could be a SAHM because she and her DH can't afford childcare. So she could well do with a better-paid husband.

I don't know because I don't know her individual set of circumstances, see? Which is why we should STFU about other people's lifestyles until asked for an opinion. OP can't complain about anyone else making wild assumptions when she's done it about a huge section of women. I find it quite off. If OP couldn't fill her days with purposeful things without being chained to a desk or a sink then she needs to get out more or get a hobby.

"Although quite why anyone would purposely choose a husband based on their earning power is beyond me."

Well, you know how it is. Looks fade. The personality you once loved starts to grate. There needs to be some draw.

I think I need to ask MN for some "making a dry but humorous statement" HTML tags...

Well done OP. You are obviusly fantastic, doing everything just right and perfect, and having the best of everything. Your way is obviosly the right and only way to do things. We should all go your route clearnly in order to get our lives on track nd right.

BTW, I work PT. Always have done since having DD. I am still a FT mum - I don't stop being a mum and having my DD's best interests at heart when I leave the house or when she goes out to school. So, certainly on that score - you are wrong imo.

MrMister is it a wife or nanny/cleaner you want?
Can understand why you enjoy it, I would love a wife !

I don't feel smug but I do think it's wierd that people don't want to do some kind of occupation or career; no matter how small. If I didn't have to work I'd start up mu own cupcake and bunting industry at home. I simply could not be content to clean all day although I'd love to just keep doing up houses and cook amazing meals.

So glad you were joking about finding a better paid husband . To prevent other posters from having to second guess, next time use a ....

That's my point. You're no more a mother if you're doing paid or voluntary work than if you're "sat at home", and I quote, once your children are at school.

Perhaps before you rush back to work you should teach your DD being smug is not a very endearing quality in anyone.

Hardly rushing back to work. I will have been with both of my children until they're school age.

hahaha. Bloody brilliant. You are feeling smug about something your not even doing. and and just checking.

Not again. I have already done it.

I am a WOHM and have been since dd was 5 months old. I am not smug - I am knackered!

Your DD is pre-school so I assume you will be going back to work soon hence "rush"

Gawd, I'll be going back to work when DD's in school. That isn't starting from now - it's starting from before she was born!!

Next year i plan to take a year out to stop the war in Afghanistan. What are you planning?

If you need to feel 'smug' then fine.

If you need to devalue other people's choices, fine.

If you feel the need to look down your nose and patronise, then fine.

I'd prefer you kept your ego trip to yourself but then I am probably BU to expect you to do that.

Well done. You're brilliant. The perfect mother.

CareeringAlong if this is truly your opinion, then you should have the courage of your convictions and not name change.

I have been a WOHM and a SAHM. Both experiences have had their good points and bad points. It's swings and roundabouts in that whatever you do, you will gain in some ways and lose out in others. In the end we all just try to do what we feel is best for our particular circumstances. There is no right or wrong way to live wrt this.

I do have to say though, that I find plenty to do during the day. A school day is honestly not that long tbh. I also think you should be careful with the smug attitude. As has been pointed out, you may not be able to waltz back into your careet when it suits. These thing do have a way of biting you on the arse.

mrmister - sounds like you have the same setup as us. But my DSs are 10 and 7 now, and I am a bit bored at home - (I think if I did bake cakes etc it would be different), so now I am doing voluntary work with a view to getting a PT job. I feel lucky to have been in this situation up 'til now and it has been the best thing for all of us.

OP you do what's right for you, and the rest of us will attempt to do likewise.

Why do you feel smug about the fact that I get to take and collect my DS from school, spend my time with him in the holidays and am not stressed if I have to stay here with him when he is poorly?
I also get to look after my home, my family, my dog! I also get to spend some of my time doing things for me, shopping, studying, meeting friends.

I wouldn't be swapping that for commuter hell, followed by a stressful day at work. Worrying about who looks after my DS when he is poorly, finding before and after school clubs, barely seeing him during the week, no time to take him to out of school activities or see his friends.

I've chosen to be a SAHM rather than put a career above the time I spend with my family. I'm not forced to do it.

If you want to feel smug about the fact that you work, fine, but please don't think I sit at home wishing I was you.

@scurryfunge

I can't tell if you're agreeing with me or not - when I get home from work, I spend time with the DCs, I help bath them, read stories, settle them into bed, make dinner and clear up. We do things together in the evening.

@whitethorn

nanny/cleaner?? Not sure whether or not you think that is what I want. If that is what you think, then no. In the same way as if I was at home and my wife was at work, I wouldn't be a male nanny/cleaner - I just think it's called being a team.

Good for you what do you want a medal? or just approbation from strangers?

i'm feeling really smug right now.

got the heating on, house is warm and toasty