for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

[CareeringAlong]

Name change...

Following from the threads about life at home when you don't do voluntary of paid work, although your children are of school-age, I was wondering if anyone else who does work can't help feeling a tad superior? Oh yes, I know I'll be flamed for this, but there it is.

These housewives seem to do all the things that working mothers do (cooking, cleaning, planning etc, etc, etc) but don't have any purpose outside of this. They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them.

I'm currently a SAHM as DD is pre-school, but will do paid (and voluntary) work as soon as she's in school. I'm looking forward to building-up my career again and working for the family.

Oh, and before anyone jumps on this, I've always cooked decent-quality meals from scratch, even when I worked v. long hours; my dogs are walked in the early hours; and my house is always clean and tidy. I argue that ironing is for losers, however!

OK. Hard hat on!

OP - my first thought was - what kind of paid work do you do when you've been out of the work place for five years? So YABU for not concentrating on your own dilemma.
I think you have to keep a hand in during those five years or you will never get something worthy of a 'career' back again.

I work because we need the money not so I can feel smug about it and like I'm contributing to the greater good
Sch holidays , snow days, Sch plays etc are a pita but I can't afford to think sod it I'll stay at home so life is easier. I don't begrudge sahm's who can afford to stay at home but I'm envious

it aint a hulabaloo til the precious moments mamas get a shout

anyhoo i like avariciously working and leaving the dc with reprobates (allows me more me me me time)

any you housewifes want to tell me what loose women was about today

yabu
and why the name change if you are so smug

I do work, part time and have two school aged kids and a preschooler so the OP would no doubt flame me too for not fitting it to this very prescriptive world view of 'be at home with preschooler, work thereafter'. And I do sometimes wonder what happens between 9 and 3 for sahm and then I realise how few hours they are actually in school over the space of a year and I know that it's a rare sort of job that allows you to do it and do everything else at home.
Anyway, not going to be rude about either camp as it's an entirely personal decision but what I will say is
a) I frequently don't cook delicious home cooked food from scratch. And I don't care.
b) For you to feel smug when you're not even working is crazy. You have no idea what you're going to do. Are you sure you'll get this fantabulous career? Maybe you ought to reserve your smuggery for when you do.
c) there's a good argument for working when your children are very small and being there when they're older as that's when their needs become more emotionally complex.

ach come on is a classic mn perennial-sahm/working.oft repeated never ignored

see the thread light up like xmas tree all the
humphy wee faces

Salt & Vinegar or plain . I also have Appletise if anybody would like.

My DH works away alot, soI am a SAHM so I can be there 100% for 2 teenage DDs.

I love it, my DC love it and so does my DH. We are a very happy family.

I wish you good luck in the "finding a part time job" that will "further your career". There arent many of them about that actually fit in with school hours/holidays. All my friends work part time and run themselves ragged with stress trying to juggle a job and children.They dont feel smug, they tell me how bloody lucky they think I am.

If I were you, instead of feeling smug, I would be enjoying every minute of being a SAHM, cos you will probably look back when you are working and think "Christ my life was so much easier then"

You're wrong to feel smug. You should try to take a more reasoned view of the whole thing. How about seeing it as a case of swings and roundabouts?

There are many advantages from working when children are of school age- own money, structured form to day. Absolutely these are advantages.
But there are disadvantages, too. Not being at hand for family as much as you'd like, anxiety at having to balance a lot of things at one time.
Likewise, there are advantages to being at home even when children are at school- a lot of freedom, being able to help relatives etc.
Disadvantages= Lack of structure can cause depression, dependence on husband/partner for money can bring its own issues.

So don't feel smug: try to see pros and cons of each situation.

frgr I mentioned childcare costs as an issue not because I see it as something teh woman should pay for but because we are talking here about a mother going back to work so for it be a financially viable thing to do then the extra money form her working needs to be more than childcare. It doesn't matter if she pays for it or if the father pays for it, if the additional wage is less than the childcare then it still doesn't add up for the family as a whole. The same would be true if it were a SAHD trying to go back to work. Of course for some families this might not matter, they might be happier with both parents working even if the combined income is actually less that with one person working some of us can't afford that!

Ah - some people just like to convince themselves they're better than other people. Before the OP had kids it would have been something else to lord it about.

YABU, OP - but I think you already knew that, otherwise you wouldn't have namechanged

FWIW, I couldn't give a sh*t what other mums do - I do what I feel is best for our family situation and I am quite sure every other mother feels that are doing just the same.

I'm jealous of SAHMs. I've had the last 2 weeks off work and it's been pure bliss, no mad rushing to get anywhere, nice slow leisurely walks to school, housework and cooking/baking all done at my own pace during the day rather than after DD's in bed, and a fair amount of daytime tv

However, I only have one 5 year old DD who is very independent and easy to look after, I have no idea how people with more than one child cope - I am in awe of you all!

I wish I could have the luxury of feeling smug but generally I feel that whatever I've done hasn't been ideal

I'm a bit glass half empty generally

Oh do fuck off.
I worked for nearly 20 years, I am now at home, youngest has just started school (I carried on working whilst they were babies BTW) and now, just now, I actually WANT to take care of all the stuff I used to have pay people loads of money to do for me. I fancied a change after a high flying demanding career which no longer inspired me. I now entirely support/work for my family.

And I bloody love it.

Agree frgr (and others). I'm glad that my daughter and her friends see women having careers and lives outside the home, with both parents contributing as much a possible to the housework and childcare juggling.

Where does it say that women HAVE to have a career outside their family?

For some people their family IS their chosen career.

I object to women describing themselves as full time mums because it does imply that women who work are only parenting part time and that's obviously absurd.
Other than that - you do what works for you.

Ave sat on my arse for the past 13 years and proud of it, now i'm off to work on the groove on my side of the sofa, cheerio

You're lucky. And you're smug about that luck. I used to be a bit embarrassed trying to find a word for full time mum that wasn't so unimpressive. I used to dread coming up against types like you op.

Now I'm doing a course and have a job, it's a nightmare trying to keep on top of everything. Didn't manage to get the christmas shoe box in, the homework isn't as completely done as it used to be, more cerealbars in the lunches. It is HARd IMO.

LOL apocalypse!

Feeling smug is a funny thing... I remember feeling smug when I had a tiny baby and I looked at mums with older children, but now that my children are older, I look back at that 'smugness' and laugh that I thought I was lucky! I wouldn't go back now.

Your namechanging entirely undermines your credibility.

It's a teensy bit silly to divide it into two sides. There are thousands of variations of job/childcare/relationships. Each with its own joys and troubles, and all with everyone doing the best they can. Few have the luxury of considered choice.

You are an arse.

WOHM/SAHM row bingo

Precious moments mamas - ding

'try being a SAHM - it's harder than working' - ding

'even if you work FT you are still a FT mother' - ding

'fuck off OP' - ding