for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

[CareeringAlong]

Name change...

Following from the threads about life at home when you don't do voluntary of paid work, although your children are of school-age, I was wondering if anyone else who does work can't help feeling a tad superior? Oh yes, I know I'll be flamed for this, but there it is.

These housewives seem to do all the things that working mothers do (cooking, cleaning, planning etc, etc, etc) but don't have any purpose outside of this. They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them.

I'm currently a SAHM as DD is pre-school, but will do paid (and voluntary) work as soon as she's in school. I'm looking forward to building-up my career again and working for the family.

Oh, and before anyone jumps on this, I've always cooked decent-quality meals from scratch, even when I worked v. long hours; my dogs are walked in the early hours; and my house is always clean and tidy. I argue that ironing is for losers, however!

OK. Hard hat on!

i dont actually care what anyone else does,as I know what I do works for my family

it really is a case do what suits you,and be aware no one will approve anyhoo

for every housewife there will be a detractor,tutting they dont have owt deeper than fluff and fold to occupy them as their brain mass diminishes

for every working mum a precious moment mama will snort at least they dont leave the widdle ones with feral daycare staff.or miss precious widdle moments.or feeding duckies

CareeringAlong you could still let us know whether you consider all careers to be superior or just some :)

So you and dh are teachers?

I feel smug about very little. To be honest I think most of us work as hard as we can to do the best we can for ourselves and our family.

Actually, I am smug about one thing. I make better curries than EVERYBODY on this thread.

Presumably you will use your college aged child as childcare
lucky you

Well I'm a SAHM with 2 dc in school and feel no need to justify it to anyone ( though could if I had to). Some working mums at school do make veiled (ish) comments sometimes but I think it says more about them than me. Ah well.

I don't feel smug, no. If they're happy then I guess that's enough for me.

But to be honest the smugness shown on this thread towards working women is equally unattractive.

There seems to eb a consensus that women who work are complete mugs who would be better off dog walking and reading.

It's a good job not every woman MP, surgeon, film director, social worker, police officer, farmer, teacher feels their work is pointless. Or we'd all be truly fucked.

No, I haven't been at home the whole time. Only when the children were pre-school.

No we're not teachers.

Not read all of this!

But you'll be wanting lots of 'homemakers' if your own DC enter the workforce at a time of high unemployment.

I know of 3 very well qualified young graduates praying that some new mum won't return after their maternity leave.

Well, personally I feel really smug when my WOHM friends tell me how tired they are, after a lovely day of sitting on my arse watching the telly.

I do all the things you do, but I have extra time to do things just for me too.

Actually I don't feel smug at all. I'm content with my choices; I hope others are content with theirs. Smuggery is for twats.

but the thing is op children are for life not just the first five years.

What is it with the idea that once the c are in school life starts again?

Anyway you sound like a mug from your post, since you phrase it in a way that suggests that you were responsible for the tidiness of your house and home cooked meals despite working long hours.

at SM's precious moments mamas.

It aint a WOHM/SAHM mumsnet row without the precious moments mamas.

"working bitches"!i love that.Yo in da hood as dem working bitches they are Taxed to the max

Those of us who work also manage to be relaxed, healthy and stress free, and our children do just fine, thanks, with both parents working. In fact, the majority of families in the UK now have both parents working.

Isn't it sad that as women we still can't make our own choices about deciding to work or stay at home without somebody looking down on that choice, be it to work (selfish) or not (lazy).

I'd quite like to know what jobs the OP thinks we ought to be doing once our children are at school? How many magic jobs are there that fit around school drop off and pick up times? Anybody who has ever used childcare knows there are never enough childminder spaces to go around for wraparound care and even if you do manage to find reliable wraparound care then is often wipes out any extra money you make once you have factored in any loss of tax credits, and commuting costs.

Well I have a preschooler and I've been back at work since she was 7 months old, no waitng around for her to start school. I have way more reason to be smug than the OP.

Seriously love, get over yourself.

Here's a question for you, Careeringalong.

If you had more money than you could possibly hope to spend, and therefore could spend that 6 hours a day fulfilling whatever leisure activities your heart desired, and outsource all the bits you didn't like (perhaps cleaning, or ironing, or whatever - hell, you might like the ironed look if someone else was doing it!) - would you still work?

Or would you do different work to what you are likely to do?

Im a SAHM with no pre-schoolers (apart from my brothers kids who i look after twice a week)and I absolutely love it. No ridiculously early mornings - no rushing about like a blue arsed fly trying to fit everything in. If my kids are ill I'm there, if they have something special on at school I'm there. I'm truly never bored.

My HB is self-employed and brings more than enough in for me to SAH. I don't get anything from the state. I've helped build my husbands business up - and do his books, etc but other than that I'm Lady Muck and loving it. I've done night shifts, early mornings, long shifts - I've done leaving the house in the dark mornings to get to work in the depths of winter. I know which life I prefer.

Not sure why you feel superior to be honest. I've never understood the argument between working mums and SAHMs, if you are happy with your set up why do you care what other mums choose to do? live and let live and all that - Merry Christmas

Just a thought....

What about the single parents, currently on benefits because working would make them poorer than they are on income support etc. When their youngest goes to school they will be forced to go to work, so should they join your "Smug Club"?

Or will there be a hierarchy with you at the top, those who have been forced to work in the middle and those who choose to stay at home at the bottom? Or will the SAH'ers be above the forced to workers? Or will we all be lumped in together?

How do you know that you will be a WOHM when your children are in school? You might not be able to find someone who will employ you. Its a tough world out there and smugness isn't a quality that you often see stipulated in the person specification.

"And when your teenage children are hanging round the streets while you're at work, maybe you'll reconsider"

May I just say 'fuck off go'.

Thanks

Ah so you are talking about me then

I would never describe myself as a "full time Mum" as surely you are a mother all the time, not just when you are physically with your children. I am a SAHM, I don't do paid work.

It is interesting that you feel your career defines who you are, very sad really. I truly hope you have a worth while job if this is how you feel.

The fact that you feel "smug" shows what a lovely person you must be.

I love it when people say yes my child is at college when I regularly see lots of teenage children piling into or out of a house before the unsuspecting parents come home

booyhoo, thankyou :)

altho, I do think BOF said ti much more eloquently:o:o:o

I actually don;t feel smug for being able to be a SAHM, tis just what I do, what is there to feel smug about.

and for those who work, do they really feel smug and superior, or just the cunting OP?

Maisiethemorningsidecat - exactly. I'm also getting slightly irate at the number of posters on here who seem to think that a woman's wages are the only ones that should factor into the childcare issue, that it's a woman's employer who'll feel the strain of sick children, who go on trips to the dentist and for medical appointments, and have to arrange cover for holidays. I might be totally clueless but I'm pretty sure in a significant chunk of these relationships there are two people So I don't know why people are throwing around these things as issues for a woman working - perhaps because they're married to lazy fecks who see child-related issues as solely a woman's domain? I've found the responses on here to be more interesting than the original (controversial) OP, to be honest.