for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

[CareeringAlong]

Name change...

Following from the threads about life at home when you don't do voluntary of paid work, although your children are of school-age, I was wondering if anyone else who does work can't help feeling a tad superior? Oh yes, I know I'll be flamed for this, but there it is.

These housewives seem to do all the things that working mothers do (cooking, cleaning, planning etc, etc, etc) but don't have any purpose outside of this. They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them.

I'm currently a SAHM as DD is pre-school, but will do paid (and voluntary) work as soon as she's in school. I'm looking forward to building-up my career again and working for the family.

Oh, and before anyone jumps on this, I've always cooked decent-quality meals from scratch, even when I worked v. long hours; my dogs are walked in the early hours; and my house is always clean and tidy. I argue that ironing is for losers, however!

OK. Hard hat on!

You spoiling for a fight then? Sheesh.

IMHO you are BU. Each to their own though. I would prefer to be a SAHM or to at least work less hours. My job is OK I just don't see it as my 'purpose' in life and if I could afford it I would stop working. Who wouldn't?

And for what it's worth staying at home with the kids all day is bloody hard work IME. You are raising a child - that's quite a purpose.

Well this is clearly designed to be an argumentative post, so i'm not sure if i should bother taking the bait!

it does secretly annoy me no end when someone proudly states "I'm a mum" when you ask what they do - I'm a mum too. I just happen to work outside the home for part of the week. Doesn't mean to say I'm less of a mum than the person I'm speaking to

I chat to other dog owners every day and also see plenty of wildlife. I didn't realise that should be reserved for housewives.

I'm not at all jealous. I choose to have a career while my DCs are being educated. Sitting at home while they're in school isn't helping anyone.

I'm not avoiding the question about my job for any reason other than I don't want to reveal my identity! I'm friends with people on MN and want to remain anonymous. Although I know at least two of them feel the same way as me!

Yes YABU

NEXT!

There are just so many jobs out there which let you start after you've dropped the children at school, And let you finish in a timely fashion for picking them up again.

And of course everyone knows how understanding the management are about you being off when the children are sick etc.

What with all the free childcare during school holidays as well!

Can't think why I won't (be able) to return to work when the youngest goes to school.

YABU and a twat.

do you have the sort of career that allows you to pick up and drop it? Because many many people find that, having taken a break from their career, they cannot return.

I worked in IT. The software's moved on so much that I would be unable to move back into my career. My sills are obsolete. SO yes, could start a whole new career at 45 competing against a glut of recent graduates and school leavers for minimum wage job. I could then spend my entire salary on wrap around care. Then when I get home, my house would probably be cean as no one is ever here. I would use up all my annual leave doing exciting things like covering half term, or dealing with sick children. Or school plays.

I have done both - I gave up work after No 3. My life's far richer now I have connection with the people and place where I live. I knew no-one when I worked full time.

I don't think doing the shopping is a replacement for a career. I don't need a career replacement thanks. If work is your main purpose in life then I actually feel quite sorry for you.

My youngest is still just 9 months (I have a 2yo too.) I will probably look for part time work once she is in school, but I may choose not to so that I can take my children to school, pick them up again, and have some quality time before it's time for them to go to bed.

Your post is offensive, and to think yourself better than SAHP's because you want to work makes me very

Guess what op... I left my very good job a week before I got married!!! Shock, horror! I've been a kept woman for the whole of my married life.

I'm happy, dh is happy, my boys are happy.

You feel as smug as you like. I'll think of you next time I take a holiday at the drop of a hat because I'm not constrained by an employer.

My dogs aren't at home alone all day. Of course it's not good for a dog to be left alone.

Well, I'm just jealous as I would love to stay at home and look after my family.

I slightly see your point, in that I work full time but still manage to cook decent meals from scratch every night, shop, clean, iron, whatever and sometimes wonder what I would do all day if I didn't go to work. On the other hand, I would probably be less knackered, less moody and stressed and look better and my family would therefore be happier.

I still think it's got to be better (or would be in an ideal world) for a family if one parent is at home to be there for the children when they get home from school.

I have my hard hat on, though!

Not at all smug, but I do sometimes think that couldn't be my life. More than happy to let others have it if it suits them though AND I think you'll find actually that it can be harder to work when the DC are at school. Pre-school you can make their arrangements for them, once they're at school you have to fit around their social life, or accept that they won't have one.

I knew it was time to go back in to work the day I stood dithering in the supermarket deciding what colour washing-up liquid to buy. I actually believed (briefly) that it mattered! So yes I do wonder what fills the hours the DC are at school, but IMO being there where they come out of school is just as "meaningful" at being at home when they're tiny.

I would love to work. I tried it once mine got to school, sadly tho, due to two having immune deficiancies and me having had a stroke, working is just not possible anymore, so I feel all smug and warm knowing that I am not having to rush and stress and further my career to make me feel as tho I have a purpose in life.

I have a purpose.....staying as stressed free and relaxed and healthy as possible for my children, and knowing that if they are ill, I am able to let them be ill and stay home, rather than sending them to school to share the bugs while I have to go and please my boss!!

would much rather please my children.

so there!

actually just thinking about it. my mum and dad work full time and have done through-out their lives. i guarantee neither of them feels smug about slogging their guts out for soemone else just to put food on the table. tehy would far rather have been able to come and see our school plays or collect us from school, spend holidays with us, actually get to know us as people rather than jsut mouths that needed fed every evening before going to bed. and i sure as hell wish they could have done all that too.

Mumsnet is full of wankers at the moment.

A wanker on another thread was all Mrs Smug of Smuggsville earlier saying 'I look after your children when they are ill because you are all working bitches'

Wanker working mums slagging off people who stay at home.

Who gives a shit really? Do what you bloody well like.

Yes YABU and I say that as a full time working mum of two, who also keeps house fairly well. How dare you presume to be better then others for anything at all. We all have a right to our individual choices and the options that work for us and our family without the predjudice, judgement, ignorance and relentless competitiveness some women feel is appropriate. Can I suggest you get back to work as soon as possible, in order to provide you with something considerably more important to consider then the lives and choices of other mums. Sheesh.

Lets see how easy you find it once you've got a job

who will look after your kids in the holidays?

I admire SAHMs.. I go to work for a break.

Bravo to GetOrf.

People should concentrate on their own family and happiness.

YABU. I've done both WOHM and SAHM. I don't get the feelings of smugness. Everyone is an individual its up to them how they choose to live their life. I was a SAHM for a shortwhile with one child in school and I hated it, it was actually quite depressing. However I have friends who are SAHMS with school-age children and they love it but then they have the finances to join the tennis club and lunch etc and are happy to live that lifestyle.

You sound as if you are "perfect" and I expect you feel smug about lots of things. I'm far from perfect and whether I am a WOHM or a SAHM I could never live up to your standards.

I do think its a harsh post OP, but I can relate to your thinking - purely because I'm a WOHM. This is partly through choice and partly due to being a lone parent.

I do manage to fit everything in - BUT have started DS off on school dinners as time cooking a nutitious meal was time I could spend with him or mn. He does swim 2 evenings so does get clubs.

I often dream of being able not to work - but then I'm doing my degree to get a better job .

Its just one of lifes little mysteries - I wonder how SAHM don't get bored and other people wonder how I fit everything in.

YABU to post about it smuggly tho as everyones choice is personal.

I dont think you have anything to be smug about, really. You dont actually work at the moment, and you are home with kids. You are basically saying that you plan on going back to work and dont really understand those that dont.

That's fine - most people make the decisions they make because they see the good in that decision over the alternatives.

Those who stay at home undoubtedly see the good in staying at home over that of getting a job, and have made that alternative decision.

You dont need to wonder what they do all day, because its none of your business! But dont assume they dont do "anything" or that everything is house/cleaning/child related.

There are umpteen ways you can kill off 6 hours in a day that dont involve making money for someone else. If you dont know what they are, its not surprising its getting a job that you turn to. And that's fine.

I've returned to work after having a child before. I was realistic and it was fine.

DH or I will look after them during the holidays. That's fine too.

Erm, anyone?

"I have a purpose.....staying as stressed free and relaxed and healthy as possible for my children, and knowing that if they are ill, I am able to let them be ill and stay home, rather than sending them to school to share the bugs while I have to go and please my boss!!

would much rather please my children."

psycho has it nailed.

So if you have a teenager, then presumably you've been at home the entire time. Therefore you know exactly what it's like being a SAHM. I'd love a career like the one you're planning to have. You know, the one that runs from 9.30 to 3 pm, 5 days a week. Except for 2 weeks at Christmas. And 2 weeks at Easter. And 6 weeks in the summer. Oh and 3 other weeks. Oh and of course all the days that your children are off school for sickness/teacher training etc. Please can you tell me where you've found this fabulous career that you can do "while your children are being educated"?

I suspect that if I knew you in RL I'd hate you and that big, big chip you have on your shoulder.

Anyway, must dash, as I have to file my nails and watch repeats of Jeremy Kyle.