for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

[CareeringAlong]

Name change...

Following from the threads about life at home when you don't do voluntary of paid work, although your children are of school-age, I was wondering if anyone else who does work can't help feeling a tad superior? Oh yes, I know I'll be flamed for this, but there it is.

These housewives seem to do all the things that working mothers do (cooking, cleaning, planning etc, etc, etc) but don't have any purpose outside of this. They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them.

I'm currently a SAHM as DD is pre-school, but will do paid (and voluntary) work as soon as she's in school. I'm looking forward to building-up my career again and working for the family.

Oh, and before anyone jumps on this, I've always cooked decent-quality meals from scratch, even when I worked v. long hours; my dogs are walked in the early hours; and my house is always clean and tidy. I argue that ironing is for losers, however!

OK. Hard hat on!

I'm also very proud of the fact that DD won't grow up with mother who relies on a man for financial support, and achieves goals outside of doing all the washing by 11am, in time to watch crap on telly.

Do you think that's all SAHMs do? PMSL

How do you know the life minutiae of everyone you meet? You only assume.

Today I did a shop yes- and started work on an MN essay, reviewed a statement of SEN, and helped Dh get his head around the play 'The Persecution and Assassination of Jean-Paul Marat As Performed by the Inmates of the Asylum of Charenton Under the Direction of the Marquis de Sade' as Dh has to do a lighting set up for it for Uni and is very much better at engineering than language studies, and as an entry level play that's quite difficult (well, Oxbridge cover it apparently so must be).

I also did soem sales work for DH, and a bit of customer service stuff- just emails etc.

To everyone at school / socially though I am 'just' a SAHM / carer (if they know about the ds's ASD).

And I hate when people compare childcare to cleaning. What has one got to do with the other????

Full time childcare in my neck of the woods cost somewhere round £2300 per month (3 kids). If you know someone who pays that kind of money for a cleaner, I want to see his/her house.

Agree thesecondcoming.

MA essay sorry, migraine coming on. New glasses.

Careering along - come on, you've had your fun, you've pissed everyone off, you've baited everyone into saying things they probably didn't want to say - just leave it now, hey? There's a good girl.

glitteryballs and thumbwich (sorry others who are keeping to the subject). I am a bit ashamed to say, that although my grammar, organisation of writing, and spelling can be appalling; I can't help wanting to say something when people use apostrophies incorrectly! That particular skill seems easy to me. And I don't like it when people write "alot". And I know you're not supposed to start a sentence with, "And", but I do it. Even though I wish I didn't.

Oh well, I suppose we all have our different and delightful talents.

sisters! Has smug and proud of it OP come back at all? Are we even bothered if she does or not?

santasmooningarse - I was going to ask what a MN essay was - Mumsnetters Frequently Turn to Very Controversial Subjects to Stoke Debate When They Are Feeling Bored. Discuss.

I have to say that I agree with CareeringAlong in that I'd much rather achieve things 'bigger' than housework when the children are out of the house all day at school. My mother was (well still is) a headteacher and SN specialist. She was an impressive role model for my sister and me. She's educated, respected and is an inspiration because of the way she managed her career. She took a break to have us and stayed at home until we were in school. If she hadn't continued with her career and stayed at home, I don't honestly think we would have been so impressed and inspired.

Smug is a nasty word to use, but I can appreciate why women with careers are respected more than those who don't by some.

I really don't mean to be mean, and it's entirely up to anyone how they live their lives. Just my opinion. I can see that this isn't popular though!

Actually the MN essay might be my dissertation LOL- alternative support systems for parents of disabled children, focussing on internet based options.

I'm a SAHM and both my children are at school. I mostly arse about on the internet and eat crisps. It's brilliant.

But the OP is a SAHM so presumbably she feels smug not only about SAHM whose children are at school but also WAHMs who have children of pre-school age.

Pastaplease, that's fine but the OP isn't even talking about respect. She is being pretty nasty about her impression of what SAHM do. I respect my mother for giving up her career to look after us just as much as I respect my sister for balancing her dcs with her increasingly fab career. I respect them because they decided what they thought was best for thier family and gave that choice 100%.

"I'm also very proud of the fact that DD won't grow up with mother who relies on a man for financial support, and achieves goals outside of doing all the washing by 11am, in time to watch crap on telly."

Let's hope she's just as proud to have a smug, ignorant, judgemental old bag for a mother.

"I'm also very proud of the fact that DD won't grow up with mother who relies on a man for financial support, and achieves goals outside of doing all the washing by 11am, in time to watch crap on telly."

But Careeringalong is a SAHM at the moment so she isn't even living up to her own standards. [confuses]

Oh dear, sorry, just looked back and OP didn't say she felt smug. She said she "can't help feeling a tad superior" Also noticed OP is back, when I wondered if she was coming back.

With the dependency thing OP- beware. Seriously.

I can see the point of modelling independence but when I had to give up my work and become a carer I found that massively difficult, having to rely financially on DH and you never know what path your DD's lives will take.

'Let's hope she's just as proud to have a smug, ignorant, judgemental old bag for a mother'.

Love it Well said Soupy.

CareeringAlong, UNLESS a person really does not need his/her spouse's income, and are TOTALLY and utterly financially independent, I think a person is wrong to declare themselves independent.
My ex's mother used to do this, 'I earn my own money. I am independent. LOOK AT ME!!' business while conveniently forgetting that her husband earned most of the money and that there was no way SHE could have afforded to live in the house she did on her salary.
Unless a person is TRULY financially independent and it would not matter if their spouse did a flit tomorrow, they should just er, shut up.

Why the assumption that all WOHM have cleaners and send ironing out? Am I being even more of a mug? Most women I know (all pretty much WOHM) have neither.

And conversely why the assumption that sahms do all the cleaning?

Or watch television.

No one I know does either. wohm or not.

I also wonder how these housewives encourage their daughters with their education to gain qualifications, if they themselves just do the washing all day. How do they do that without appearing hypocritical? Or is the advice to find a well-paid man, as someone's was to me on this thread.