for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

[CareeringAlong]

Name change...

Following from the threads about life at home when you don't do voluntary of paid work, although your children are of school-age, I was wondering if anyone else who does work can't help feeling a tad superior? Oh yes, I know I'll be flamed for this, but there it is.

These housewives seem to do all the things that working mothers do (cooking, cleaning, planning etc, etc, etc) but don't have any purpose outside of this. They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them.

I'm currently a SAHM as DD is pre-school, but will do paid (and voluntary) work as soon as she's in school. I'm looking forward to building-up my career again and working for the family.

Oh, and before anyone jumps on this, I've always cooked decent-quality meals from scratch, even when I worked v. long hours; my dogs are walked in the early hours; and my house is always clean and tidy. I argue that ironing is for losers, however!

OK. Hard hat on!

Many, many people on a variety of threads have said that they spend the day, while the children are at school, doing housework and watching daytime TV. It's THESE people to whom I refer.

Some corporate careers are not flexible at all and mean very long hours which far exceed school hours.

Do you have sensible hours Careering?

I prefer being a wahm in any case.

I would find cleaning all day and watching daytime TV very depressing too I admit.

" so children of SAHMs think their mother was wasted or unfulfilled"

Well my mother was wasted and unfulfilled. She has said so often enough. She longed for a job out of the home. And boy did we get the brunt of it at times.

Although she has in the past said that children are better off with their mum at home .

My mum worked because she had to (not a career), and was continually stressed. She wanted me to get the good education she was denied, and to have a choice about what I do. She has been wholly supportive of me being a SAHM up 'til now, and is also supportive of my desire to now find fulfilling work. She wants what is best for me. As I do my own children

Waaaaay late on this, but...

Agree with Imarriedafrog. Quite a narrow (and mean-minded) view to take, really.

Life is hard. People make all sorts of choices - some good, some bad. Lots of things outside of our control, too. I try not to judge people too harshly.

So, while I generally think women working is A Good Thing (and personally, could never NOT work in some capacity) I refuse to condemn or look down on women who don't work, whether through financial necessity (cannot afford childcare etc) or because they would rather take care of their own children.

Yule - you say you would never NOT work but even then sometimes life gets in the way. My dh is posted overseas I can't get a work permit here even if there were any jobs available that I would be given over a local. I therefore do not work.(paid work)

I have however used the time to write most of a novel (which I should be doing now but am easily distracted today)

Making judgements on other people's lives based on your own individual circumstances is pointless and short sighted. OP you mentioned earlier that school holidays wouldn't be a problem for you. That simply isn't the case for some people.

Well, yes, you are right, stranded.

There are probably circumstances that would stop me from working. In fact, I was wrong to say that. 'I LOVE working' would be more accurate, really.

Earlier this year, however, when my son (who has SN) was having really horrendous problems at school and kept being excluded, I considered giving up work to home educate him.

So you are right. Although I love work, there are situations in which I might weigh up the pros and cons and decide to stop, or be forced to stop.

'I also wonder how these housewives encourage their daughters with their education to gain qualifications, if they themselves just do the washing all day.'

I certainly do more than just the washing. I encourage my daughters to do well educationally and have always stressed that WOTH or SAH or fine as long as they are what is chosen. They also know that some people don't have a choice. They know that there is no right way and that both options mean advantages and disadvantages and risks, like everything in life.

A few times, DD has made comments that I have had to correct and state that it is an individual's choice. I myself have been a fulltime WOHM and a SAHM whcih my kids know about and they know I have made the choice right for us at the time, in both cases.

'"I'm also very proud of the fact that DD won't grow up with mother who relies on a man for financial support, and achieves goals outside of doing all the washing by 11am, in time to watch crap on telly."'

That sounds a bit bitter to me. Yes SAHM often rely financially on a man but the man also relies on her for childcare and other things to enable him to work. Also, it is a fair point that many WOHMs also are financially dependant on their men. Most of my WOHM friends say they HAVE to work to pay the mortgage and bills, few have total independance.

My mother was a SAHM until we were school age and then worked part time leading to full time when youngest started secondary. She said she regrets being out of the home so long when we were teenagers and should have been around more. I started as a WOHM, I never even considered SAH until I had DD2 and realised that I didn't like putting DC in childcare and it worked out better with one of us around all the time at home.

"Yule - you say you would never NOT work but even then sometimes life gets in the way. "

Too true. when DD was a few weeks old she had to have a tracheostomy. Paying a nurse more than I earn to look after her while I worked was NOT an option, so I resigned from my job. When DD's medical problems were resolved I went back to work.

"That sounds a bit bitter to me. Yes SAHM often rely financially on a man but the man also relies on her for childcare and other things to enable him to work. Also, it is a fair point that many WOHMs also are financially dependant on their men. Most of my WOHM friends say they HAVE to work to pay the mortgage and bills, few have total independance."

Yep. Agree with that as well. Because of our career backgrounds OH will always be a higher wage earner than me (unless I become a high class call girl). However, as he is happy to be the main breadwinner and I am happy to be the main home-maker we have found a partnership that works.

The OP's career? either a prostitute or a solicitor is my guess (just guessing not a personal attack or anything)

OP if you're so proud of yourself and sure of your sweeping assumptions of what a SAHM's life consists of then why bother hiding by namechanging?

You're not just saying 'i'm proud of my choices', you're actively demeaning and insulting SAHM's.

Your opening post was to stir, and seeing the reactions your subsequent posts have been made purely to add fuel to the fire, no remorse for insulting a whole group of women here.

To me it's obvious what this is about. Someone who is truly happy with their life would not find the need to poke a sharp stick at those who have chosen a different path.

You've really got nothing to be smug about, you're shallow, empty and plain spiteful.

I expect you're 'lol' ing right now, good for you.

Lol away and while you're at it fuck right off .

My mum was a working mum (from widowhood, not choice) and I was sooo jealous of my friends with mums at home. Their homes just seemed a lot less stressed; they got picked up from school and taken home to homes where the laundry was done and the dinner already cooked etc etc. Their mums had the time to take them shopping for their first bra, and show them how to shave their legs and bleach their 'taches. Mine spent every evening exhausted and miserable. I'd have given anything for my mum to be able to stay at home and only care for us. We're really close; I've always respected how she coped and now I'm a mum that respect's even greater. But I'd have preferred things to have been different for both of us and my brother.

I am a sahm and feel sorry for those having to go out and work.it works both ways op!

Jonesybells funny I was thinking she must have the former career due to the flexible hours and skills not going out of date despite years away from her "career"

Personally, I think CareeringAlong is a troll.

Careeringalong I have to say that you sound like a horrible example to your children. Happy to belittle anyone else's life choices, being driven by your own personal wants and thinking that having a career defines you as a person. You are sad, inadequate and probably not very intelligent. I can just imagine you sitting around with your like-minded coven friends slagging off SAHMs for their mindless watching of television and home-baking. If your original post wasn't a wind-up then shame on you.

And, as it's so important to you to know what SAHMs do, I've managed to get a degree with the OU, do volunteer work for the elderly and for Oxfam and become a writer. But obviously "going back to work" will work out so much better for you than staying at home does for me or any of the other SAHMS on here.

Now do us all a favour love and fuck right off.

No, a prostitute is someone who has sex with someone for money. Many of the housewives on the threads I've read would better suit that description.

No, I'm fairly regular, not a troll. A couple of friends have PM'd me, knowingly!

As I said before, I'm talking about people who class ironing as a career, while watching Jeremy Kyle, not people who volunteer etc.

dont feel sorry for me,i chose ft work.wouldn't have it any other way. i chose it,dont need to and not compelled.i like being able to provide for my family, like coming home and talking about my day at work

working was always part of the deal.always knew id work after having dc.nursery booked 12 wk pg