for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

[CareeringAlong]

Name change...

Following from the threads about life at home when you don't do voluntary of paid work, although your children are of school-age, I was wondering if anyone else who does work can't help feeling a tad superior? Oh yes, I know I'll be flamed for this, but there it is.

These housewives seem to do all the things that working mothers do (cooking, cleaning, planning etc, etc, etc) but don't have any purpose outside of this. They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them.

I'm currently a SAHM as DD is pre-school, but will do paid (and voluntary) work as soon as she's in school. I'm looking forward to building-up my career again and working for the family.

Oh, and before anyone jumps on this, I've always cooked decent-quality meals from scratch, even when I worked v. long hours; my dogs are walked in the early hours; and my house is always clean and tidy. I argue that ironing is for losers, however!

OK. Hard hat on!

I am a SAHM and I can guarantee you I do not do housework or childcare to a higher standard than WOHMs.

One could argue that WOHMs outsource childcare and cleaning to professionals, so it will therefore be done to a higher standard than that of SAHMs.

I do neither. I am a slut.

I thought WOHM's did it all??? Outsourcing, whatever next

not sure there's much grounds for smuggery when OP doesn't even have a job at the moment

or is the OP just feeling smug about looking forward to feeling smug at some point in the future?

how peculiar

Sometimes I think I live on a different planet to the one inhabited by many MNers.

I am self-employed and work part time from home. Some of my friends work full-time, some are SAHMs. We all get along, none of us feel smug, superior or hard done by in our lives and none of run down others parenting "choices" (I say "choices" becuse for some, returning to work isn't a choice rather than a necessity). And I don't think any of us have experienced any hostility from other mothers for working or not working.

Perhaps I just have my hea in the sand but Idon't come across women like this.

Coccyx - some WOHMs work because they have to. Others work because they want to, and their money goes towards school fees, maybe, so that their kids don't have to go to the local failing comp. I'm not sure either circumstance could be said to be putting money above family.

There is so much bollocks on this thread it almost makes me ashamed to be a woman.

twofalls - I completely agree with you.

I would hate to think that this is what people actually think and are just afraid to voice it out loud in rl.

Perhaps instead of "bollocks" we should be saying that it has gone "tits up"!

I agree with Twofalls too. But unfortunately, as I said, I've expereienced real hostility.

stranded am hoping have not been posting bollocks ( if so, as can be a bit random at times) but feel that, rightly or wrongly, I needed to defend working mums as there is a certain amount of animosity towards them. Most people are fine about whatever you choose to do, but like MrsSchaden have had hostility towards how we manage things, which is horrible.

I hated the competitiveness that this thread has raised amongst us mothers as it avoids some of the really big issues that concern us all eg:

1. The fact that some mothers are SAH because they can't get back into the workforce after having children due to discrimination

2. The fact that many mothers are SAH because their husbands aren't pulling their weight in housework and picking up children from school etc and it would be too exhausting for the mother to do all that AND work

3. The vulnerability of many mothers (particularly SAHM) who are dependent on their husbands for money and with low externally recognisable work experience could be screwed if their marriages fell apart. Work within the home is not valuable so it is difficult to get external work or a "salary" from DHs based on that work

Sorry but it just saddens me to see everyone just attacking eash other for our choices (or in many cases non-choices).

Do you know what? There is no ideal. There are days when I miss being an independent, wage earning career woman so much that I could cry.

But I bet you anything if I was at work there would be days when I would miss my dd's so much I would cry.

I am so sick of people telling me I am wrong for the very very very difficult choice I have had to make. And I bet almost every single person on this thread has had to make a difficult choice.

I am not smug. I do not resent anyone. I am really proud that there are women, mothers who DO go to work and I ensure that my dd's are very aware of this so they know that there are choices in life.

But for anyone to call my dh a "wallet" and warn me that he's going to go off with some younger model and I'll be sorry because then I won't have a career or my own money is just bollocks tits.

Right end of rant.

"SAHM's do housework and childcare to a higher standard than those that place money above family ....No??"

Oh FFS!

Well the reality is stranded that if something does happen to any SAHM's DHs then they are a bit screwed unless they have a lot of money saved and a fantastic life insurance. Or a great lawyer.

That is why I have made absolutely sure that I have an independent source of income.

It is a sad state of affairs but that is how it is.

chaya it is a sad state of affairs. But lots of things can go wrong in life, whether you are working or not - redundacy, illness.

OMG Thumbwitch! I thought that too when I read it (sorry everyone going back quite far in thread now and totally off topic)! I remember being taught about apostrophes in primary school and I still remember how to use them now. I might be missing something here, but what EXACTLY is so hard?

I thought I would always remain financially independant - but that is before our (sn) ds reached school age! Now the best solution for my family turns out to be rather different.
We all make our decisions based on our families individual needs and circumstances. Plan for the future - but stay flexible!

Lol! I stand by every word.

Doing housework isn't a career.

I'm not putting money before family. I don't need to work for money. They're in school - I can be busy providing for them in different ways, not just by doing the supermarket shop.

For example, DS is always asking DH and me about our work and is interested in it. I'm glad I don't have to say: "Well, I did a great job of the ironing today, and saw a lovely lampshade in the sale." Zzzzzzz.

oh bugger off.

Op come back in 5 years when you have either hot a few more kids or have grown ip and tell us how it is, eh?

CareeringAlong - are you teaching him to be bitchy too?

Few more kids? Two's enough.

Are we still waiting for OP to tell us what her incredible, satisfying career is?

Childcare does not need to be state run to save me money. Give me a tax break and let me spend it on the childcare which I choose. It would make childcare more affordable for everyone, and help more people go back to work and pay taxes. win-win.