for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

[CareeringAlong]

Name change...

Following from the threads about life at home when you don't do voluntary of paid work, although your children are of school-age, I was wondering if anyone else who does work can't help feeling a tad superior? Oh yes, I know I'll be flamed for this, but there it is.

These housewives seem to do all the things that working mothers do (cooking, cleaning, planning etc, etc, etc) but don't have any purpose outside of this. They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them.

I'm currently a SAHM as DD is pre-school, but will do paid (and voluntary) work as soon as she's in school. I'm looking forward to building-up my career again and working for the family.

Oh, and before anyone jumps on this, I've always cooked decent-quality meals from scratch, even when I worked v. long hours; my dogs are walked in the early hours; and my house is always clean and tidy. I argue that ironing is for losers, however!

OK. Hard hat on!

I just it's so sad people can't let people decide without judging or feeling superior. I am a sahm but will work as soon as I can. My bf had to send her dd to a cm at 3 months because she needed to pay her mortgage. I just depends on your circumstances. I think that the person who started this text is a nasty piece of work!

bunbaker, Work Outside the Home I think. What does SM stand for anybody?

whatswrongwithyou, i'm with you. at last someone who gets it.

I wasn't going to post until I read giddypickle as you generally can't win on these threads, whatever you do or say. But I think giddy sums it up pretty well.

Basically, from the various threads on MN it seems that all SAHM think working mums are bad parents who damage their children and all working mums think SAHM are lazy.

Lovely!

Think its hard enough being a mum without having to deal with all this sort of guilt and anger thanks. Personally, I think you need to make choices that work for you and your family and stop reading the daily mail judging mums for their parenting/work balance.

Hmm! I am a working Mum who envies the feck out of SAHM as I'd love to be a SAHM. On the other hand I am sure plenty of SAHM envy my fortune of part time work.

Horses for courses I say. There is nothing unfulfilling about being a SAHM - I'd love to do it. Tis the only time my house is actually organized.

Actually on this particular thread, most WOHM have been quite reasonable and non-smug.

Glitteryballs - in the interests of openness, I should point out that I make use of the domestic shortcuts you referred to earlier, in order to have time to Mumsnet.

Housework fascinates me - I can sit and look at it for hours.

40denier maybe so for this thread, but there is a trend for these type of thread to generate a lot of animosity between SAH/WOH mums.

Feeling you StayingDavid. Never mind whether we should be domestic goddesses or go-getter career girls, I want to campaign for the right to be a lazy fucker occassionally and not feel too guilty about it. Men seem to get away with it...

I like to make use of childcare when I am lucky/unlucky enough not to have any paid work, in order to be a SITDM (sleep in the daytime mum).

Sleep in the daytime mum sounds great.

SITD

I'd KILL for some.

OMG - the bliss of sliding under the duvet at lunchtime with a frivolous book and a box of Hershey's peanut butter cups. [insert yearning face emoticon]

It's absolutely impossible to generalise "Careering" and YABU to feel superior. Yes, some SAHMs may be sat watching telly all day, but others will be working their socks off for their family, elderly parents...who knows.

Some working Mums, like you plan to be, will be wonder women, doing their economic bit as well as being wife and mum of the year. Others will be stressed and putting work before their families, leaving others to care for their neglected children.

Each to their own - not everyone is lucky enough to have a choice about returning to work.

I have been both a SAH and a WOH mum - bothe have their drawbacks and one is certainky not superior to the other. (Wish I was a SAH mum for the month before Christmas though!)

Thank you alb2. Today I am WAHM due to the weather. DD is at school and I am sat here reading mumsnet working

"I want to campaign for the right to be a lazy fucker occasionally"

Absolutely. All those poor women around the world working their fingers to the bone in the home and in the workplace for fuck all. Sisters - I salute you. And I'm taking this nap on your behalf.

Why doesn't the strike out work on my PC? I followed the rules!

I don't envy SAHPs (okay, sometimes but I know that if I stayed home for more than a week I would remember why I prefer to work). I don't think they are lazy or resnet them or feel smug about my choices. I believe in living in a free world where individuals are able to make their own choices.

I think that people who spend their time worrying about other people's choices often do so beause they are unhappy with their own choices.

The only objection I have to people choosing to stay at home is when they want me to fund it with my hard earned measly income. If they are independantly wealthy and can stay home and fund the lifestyle of their choosing... then good for them.

Besides, my SAHM friends have bailed me out of many a childcare crisis, and for that I welcome their choice. :-)

Jeez, if I carried around this burden of smugness/jealousy/resentment towards the SAHM/Ds I don't think I'd have many friends at my kids' school.

My strike ot doesn't work either. mmmmmmmmm My unmade bed is calling me.

I am also a WAHM due to the snow. I love it - getting paid to sit on a computer, whilst DH entertains the kids (to ensure that they don't suffer rickets or lack of emotional input as a result of childcare). Best of both worlds - lovely!

Bunbaker, you did not follow the rule of no spaces. You have to put the "--" before and after each word.

Typical.That is the first time strike out has worked

bunbaker - you have to strike out each word individually. A bit of a faff if there are several words!

I think the majority of Mums on this thread have been non-smug, apart fron the OP

Some Mums need to work, some don't. Some Mums want to work, some don't.

Some WOHM may feel a bit smug, superior and all important. But some SAHM may feel smug about not having to work and choosing how to spend the school day.

I'm a SAHM with school age children. I run a very small business from home.
I'm always being asked when I'm going to expand a bit and advised that I could make more money if I did 'xyz'
But I don't want to. DH earns enough to keep everything running smoothly and I can be around for the DC's, pick them up from school, go their school plays etc..

If circumstances change I would put in more hours and try and make more money, or try and get a 'proper' job. But why should I do that if I don't have to and don't want to?
So that I'll appear more important to other people?
Why should anyone care about that?

Unless perhaps they're secretly insecure and miserable about the choices they've made themselves.

likethis

Hooray.
Sigh, I must go and do some work now instead of being a lazy good for nothing.

On a serious note, I actually admire SAHMs as I don't think I will be able to do it. I thrive when under a bit of pressure and I am too disorganised and undisciplined to manage my time without a structure such as work. I could never run my own business for example, and I imagine being a SAHM and doing it well is similar. I would be frightfully lazy when I could get away with it, then get stressed for not getting everything done, and feel guilty for being frightfully lazy earlier etc etc. I am just hypothesising as dc hasn't arrived yet, but I know in the past when I have not been in work for whatever reason, but still had stuff to do, I always seemed to get less done and end up getting a bit depressed and down on myself. I think for my sanity and therefore probably for the benefit of my dc in the long run it will be best for our family if I went back to work. Everyone's different I suppose. x