for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

[CareeringAlong]

Name change...

Following from the threads about life at home when you don't do voluntary of paid work, although your children are of school-age, I was wondering if anyone else who does work can't help feeling a tad superior? Oh yes, I know I'll be flamed for this, but there it is.

These housewives seem to do all the things that working mothers do (cooking, cleaning, planning etc, etc, etc) but don't have any purpose outside of this. They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them.

I'm currently a SAHM as DD is pre-school, but will do paid (and voluntary) work as soon as she's in school. I'm looking forward to building-up my career again and working for the family.

Oh, and before anyone jumps on this, I've always cooked decent-quality meals from scratch, even when I worked v. long hours; my dogs are walked in the early hours; and my house is always clean and tidy. I argue that ironing is for losers, however!

OK. Hard hat on!

Can't be arsed reading the thread but fuck off back into your deluded little castle in the sky.... Prat.

This is hilarious!

My first ever SAHM/WOHM mumsnet fiiiight.

What is funniest is that loads of the posts in favour of working mothers are sent during working hours!!

Pure genius.

When/How do these things tend to end?

frgr, we had that set up at home pretty much too. an over involved mother and a loving but doesn't have a clue father. next week my mum is having an operation and i know we are all going to have to rally round to look after dad more than mum.

however we now seem to have shifted to the same pattern. dh works huge hours and i am at home. we came to the conclusion that if the kids only see dh for 10 mins a day in the week that if i was to go back to work, it would be the same and then you have to wonder the effect on the kids. but i am lucky and know i am to have the choice. ideally i would love to have the set up where we both work 3-4 days and juggle childcare between us, hopefully the next generation will get that balance but we haven't been able to at this point in our lives/careers.

mrsmarple, these things don't end. they just fizzle out.

working/sahm fight is mn perennial.aint over til

a. someone says well why have children if you cant be bothered looking after them

B. bangs the biddulph tambourine,and quotes something from shitsville uni

c. martyr mum regales a story of how they gave up shampoo,telly,eating,sold house and down sized forego all consumer durables (except mn of course), knit their own tampooons and strain youghurt through their tights for the children

plenty more life in ole thread yet

OOoh goody. I was worried I'd missed out.

I've already encountered a (now ex) friend in RL who got pregnant same time as me (am currently on maternity leave) and said when 12 weeks preg - "why have children if you are going to send them to nursery".

I haven't spoken to her since.

the why have em line.i love it and of course the precious moments mamas speech too-they wouldnt ever want to put maximus into nursery with feral staff or miss any widdle precious moments

Sorry if I missed this earlier, but the OP doesn't actually know what she is talking about, does she? If she has one preschooler than she has no idea about arranging holiday childcare, before and after school care, holiday care etc and she has no idea what input older children need after school. For myself, I worked until DC1 was 10 and now I don't. I used to be able to buy excellent childcare, but the ages they are now, I can't. Feel smug all you like, I had a good professional career, now I don't. I'm fine with that.

Oh there's a ton of milage yet.

Someone will bring up a nursery they once visited where the children were handcuffed to their chairs.

Someone else will say their next door neighbour's Auntie's step daughter is a crack addled muslim terrorist, which can all be traced back to her Mother going back to work.

Our sisters long ago fought to give us the right to choose. Now we have the illusion of choice. With little acknowledgement that our choices are limited. Yes, the expectation has flipped and we are expected to make a financial contribution. Women are looked down upon and blamed if they have "too many" children or children too close together in age leading to the cost of childcare being too much. Our contribution at home is so often not valued. Sadly at this point I feel I have to tell stangers on the internet that even though I think it is valuable to be 'just'SAHM, and also vauable to work for money full time as well as everything else, I work for money part time. Because some will look down on women who are not "economically active". Some will think that I am only saying this to justify SAHMs. How sad and dissapointed our sisters long ago would be to see the unsisterly fighting over who is superior. And how glad to see there are still women who stick together and acknowledge the limits of and difficulties of working for a wage. That see it often isn't a choice but an expectation to earn money. That there are also women who do not judge and belittle other women.

yes i have an expectation of being able to pay mortgage and fill fridge.how stoopid of me to fall for the lame ole social construct

The original OP was just bloody stupid.

And if everyone had just answered in similar terms, then I think all would be well.

But it took around four posts before someone started in with belittling working Mums.
Everything from the fact that they are stupid mugs, to the usual shite about thier poor children.

I'm not a WOHM. I'm lucky in that I can do what I love flexibly from home, around the kids. Lucky, lucky, lucky.

But by God, I will support working Mums to the hilt. For wihtout them we would be truly fucked.

I agree OP. Lazy kept arses the lot of them. You are very brave to stand up and say so.

I think I had it all summed up succinctly early on when I said mumsnet was full of wankers.

LOVING the SM WOHM/SAHM bunfight explanation to the newbie.

Sm - fantastic!

I don't know what I am. I think I'm about to be a WOHM but it might only last until August.

It really scares me when people talk about how much harder it gets to arrange childcare once they get to school. As it is, I feel pretty impoverished by the thought of the childcare I am about to shell out income for...

Oh no - not again. I am both. Work two days a week from home in a job which pays me well but is pretty undemanding and allows me to manage my own time. The other days I arse about doing whateve I fancy. Bit of shopping, bit of cooking, bit of MNetting, reading the paper, not much cleaning, seeing friends, pleasing my bloody self. So there.

I have no beef with WOHMs - why would I? Why would anyone? My personal circumstances have been like amidawish - DH frequently has to travel long distances to see clients, and over the years has often been away for several days at a time (admittedly the longest has been two weeks, which I know is nothing compared to some people).

It's always been clear that my having a job would be unsustainable; okay, maybe there's some little sweetshop out there who'd let me mind the till during school hours and give me school holidays off, but frankly, no thanks.

I earned a decent whack during my working life and was stimulated by the work I did. I'm not prepared to sit staring at the wall in some tinpot concern just so I can justify my existence to people like the OP.

I admire other women or not depending on the people they are, not based on whether they earn cash for what they do.

It's great for those who can keep careers/jobs/whatever going, but why deride those who've decided, by choice or necessity, it's not for them?

Maybe I should have divorced my DH and found someone with a normal job - then my DCs would have been able to admire their DM going out to work. They'd hardly see their father, but hey, at least no one could accuse me of being a waste of space.

Thank you Giddypickle. You have explained so much better than I could my thoughts exactly.

IMO, once upon a time housewifes did all the things that we are "supposed" to do, wish we had the time to do, but can't because we don't have time. For example, shop for fresh veg and meat everyday instead of going to the supermarket, keep the house properly clean and not just skim the surface, do the ironing and not pay someone else to do it or buy clothes that don't need it, sit down as a family for an hour at mealtimes and not all eat on the go etc etc.

Keeping a house was and still is/ a full time job. Women who also decide to work for whatever reason often do have to make a few short-cuts along the way or risk going mad. Some women choose not to and stay at home. I am not criticising either. I will probably be going back to work, but I don't think those who SAH have it easy. My mum was a SAHM and I don't remember seeing her sitting down and relaxing once. She made her own yorkshire puddings and baked. No Aunt Bessie in our house! YABU

"It's always been clear that my having a job would be unsustainable; okay, maybe there's some little sweetshop out there who'd let me mind the till during school hours and give me school holidays off, but frankly, no thanks."

a. Bet there's not - not that'll let you have time off all hols

b. Some folks have to take that job in 'some little sweetshop' to make ends meet.

sorry - housewives

OK, so what does WOHM stand for?

Wizened Old Harridan Mothers (in my case, anyhow)

Yes they do - and I'm all for them doing so if that's what it takes to get by. As I said, even that wouldn't fit in with my circumstances as not many employers give school holidays off.

The fact that some people are compelled to do these jobs doesn't mean I should feel obliged to do so.