for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

[CareeringAlong]

Name change...

Following from the threads about life at home when you don't do voluntary of paid work, although your children are of school-age, I was wondering if anyone else who does work can't help feeling a tad superior? Oh yes, I know I'll be flamed for this, but there it is.

These housewives seem to do all the things that working mothers do (cooking, cleaning, planning etc, etc, etc) but don't have any purpose outside of this. They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them.

I'm currently a SAHM as DD is pre-school, but will do paid (and voluntary) work as soon as she's in school. I'm looking forward to building-up my career again and working for the family.

Oh, and before anyone jumps on this, I've always cooked decent-quality meals from scratch, even when I worked v. long hours; my dogs are walked in the early hours; and my house is always clean and tidy. I argue that ironing is for losers, however!

OK. Hard hat on!

There's been the odd nasty post, due to people falling for this and getting riled. But 90%? I must be reading a different thread.

My OP? What are you talking about? I'm not the OP.

I don't think pointing out that the majority of the posts on this thread are pretty unpleasant makes me "nasty".

Now...I get upset about non disabled women who stay at home after their kids have gone back to school and are able to do so as they are living off Government pay outs. Not smug - annoyed and upset. I don't however get smug about those women who are fortunate enough to have the choice to stay at home due to their husband's income - they are lucky. They might be writing a bestseller for all you know - but so what if they're not? Their life, their choice. It wouldn't be my choice to stay at home but everyone is different. I have a stay at home mum friend who didn't enjoy work and can afford not to - why on earth would I judge her for that? And yes I do realise it's highly likely that this thread is a wind up but I'm bored and it has kept me occupied!

89 tops

I'm not suggesting they're not Maisie, just that such an arrangement will not cause me (as a member of the OP's superior club) to feel 'smug'.

Knackered, pulled in all directions, happy to be back in work, a little bit guilty - yes; smug - no.

Your post Georgimama.

No need to call 90% of posters nasty. That's just, well, nasty.

Well done you OP. Aren't you just frightfully clever. And lovely to boot, I wish you were my friend. (I say that as someone who has always worked.)

There is so much venom on this thread from all points of view, which is no doubt what the shit stirring OP intended. Perhaps you should read the thread again, and try not jumping down my throat in a manner which is frankly, nasty.

Ironic, as you say.

I think the OP has done quite well considering the divide and conquer tactics

I actually edited my response quite heavily

Surely the purpose of work is to earn money?
I am certain many folks have great fulfilling jobs but most I know are pretty pissed off with their jobs but are trapped by the requirement to earn
I am a SaHM and have plenty of purpose, and no requirement or need to earn which I am the first to admit makes me LUCKY in that I have a choice
I chose to have kids and I prefer to look after them myself. To work so I could earn enough to pay someone else to do what I to half as well?
Not enticing me and not forming the notion of purpose

I havent read the thread properly sorry but doesnt it depend on how many kids she has too? My mum had five of us and didnt go to work (Dad worked to keep us,no funding from GM) My mum was also blind in one eye and had bad sight in the other so probably couldnt have easily worked outside the home.
It kind of annoys me how people just `assume'

OK well I've run out of s so I'm off to clean the fish tank.

OP you are a strange beast. Why the smuggery?

Whether one works or not, or is a SAHM or not cannot surely define whether one leads a fulfilled and contented existence? There are too many other variables and MN is too entertaining

The purpose of work is to earn money? Not the sole reason I go to work, that's for sure. I work p/t, so can be reassured that the children are being well looked after (on the days that I'm not here )

work not only about money at all,for me it is personal and vocational satisfaction.working defines me in a way solely being mum couldnt

No way is it just the day to day money.

It's that old chestnut - independence.

But still don't judge those who don't. There are forces at work to keep these women 'in their place'

"They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them."

Erm, some of us are older mothers who did the career thing before having children. I don't feel I have to prove myself careerwise any more. Since DD was born my priorities have changed, especially since we nearly lost her when she was a few weeks old. Feeling superior because you have a career says a lot about you, and I'm afraid it doesn't make you sound like a very nice person.

I work part time and consider that I have my work/life balance exactly where I want it. We aren't skint, we live in a nice house in a nice area, I get to spend time with DD, my husband and my friends. I have time to shop, cook meals from scratch, grow vegetables, garden, wash, iron, do housework etc, so that at weekends I get to spend quality time with my family. I don't feel ragged or stressed, I have a job that I enjoy and work with some lovely people.

I don't feel superior, just lucky.

emails,huge caseload,ringing phones,endless appts these are all forces that conspire to keep me in work

Bunbaker - good point, as an 'older' mum I've had a fabulous career; the prestiege, company car, 'team' etc etc. So now, in my early 50s it's great to have the choice (mortgage paid off, no state benefits) to be able to stay at home - perhaps I should feel smug? I love using the skills I've learned in the workplace - I now engage in lots of different voluntary jobs which gives me a 'worthwhile' place in society - should I need it - why am I even getting involved in this ridiculous thread.

Op - you still haven't told us what your career is and how you can be so sure you can return to it?

Bluddy hell it's about choices...personally I would love not to work as much as I have to,I could be there for all the school events,make the costumes etc etc at leisure (and not at 2am in the morning as i have done in the past),bake groovy cakes for the bake sale I did manage biscuits once...but on the other hand I like work...I don't beleive it defines me per ce, but I enjoy the people I work with,I have fun and I help people...no I'm not saving the world but I know I have made a difference...If I could work less hours I would...I don't think I would completely ever give up work..but thats how i feel now who knows what the future will bring..every woman no matter her choices should be respected...BTW my house is a tip

When my oldest was preschool age I used to go around telling everyone that i wanted to go back to work when the children were in school ( i have three younger ones as well) bu when she started school i realised that actually I enjoy going to the school events and all those little things they need volunteers for, i love picking her up and going home via the park and actually you know what I am just going to say it I LOVE spending my days growing my plants, baking, sewing, crocheting and just running our house how i want it run. My mother did this my grandmother did this and no one stood behind them saying " when are you goign to get a real job?" Every 5 minutes. My husband tells me constantly how proud he is of the things i do with the children and the things i make etc....and he has the freedom to work without worrying about the children or the house.

I do at the moment have three preschool children as well and so it would be pretty difficult for me to have a job outside the home even if i wanted but i do half own a business with my husband that i do work in when i have spare time.

As things are now (I.e as long as i can afford to) i won't be seeking employment outside the home. I just dont want to and have no reason to.

As a long term single mum who has struggled with keeping a roof over our heads, pay the bills, juggle childcare..and all he rest!! I've had any ideas of a fullfilling career knocked out of me!! and I do not feel in the slightest bit smug over sahm's..quite honestly I would LOVE to be a SAHM..I know one SAHM mum, she loves her life..and good on her!

Well I'm a SAHM AND a Full Time working mum doing 55 hours per week min and I know what I'd prefer.......to be 100% SAHM and have more time for one to one time with my children but I have no choice. They are happy enough but I feel like I miss out (although with the work I do, they do gain a lot). I hate judgy people though, why dont' you worry about your own life and leave others to worry about theirs eh!!

I'd like to know why it is seen as ok for a woman in a couple to stay at home with the children and live off her partner's wages, but not ok for a single mum to stay at home and live off the state.

don't even

because you can kick people when they're down mindthegap. I have had people with everything grudge me a bit of one parent family allowance (as it's called where I live).

My children are at school now, and I'm doing a course, except that their schools are shut this week but my college isn't shut, so instantly a huge logistical problem!! it is hard fgs. NO WAY could i have started this course a moment earlier. And even though it's not ideal of course you can miss a day of college but when I have a job I will be so stressed. It had better not snow again ever after I get a job!!