for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

[CareeringAlong]

Name change...

Following from the threads about life at home when you don't do voluntary of paid work, although your children are of school-age, I was wondering if anyone else who does work can't help feeling a tad superior? Oh yes, I know I'll be flamed for this, but there it is.

These housewives seem to do all the things that working mothers do (cooking, cleaning, planning etc, etc, etc) but don't have any purpose outside of this. They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them.

I'm currently a SAHM as DD is pre-school, but will do paid (and voluntary) work as soon as she's in school. I'm looking forward to building-up my career again and working for the family.

Oh, and before anyone jumps on this, I've always cooked decent-quality meals from scratch, even when I worked v. long hours; my dogs are walked in the early hours; and my house is always clean and tidy. I argue that ironing is for losers, however!

OK. Hard hat on!

Jamie - I found (am on ml) that all I did was rush to drop dd off for someone else to look after and on the days that I wasn't at work wished she was at nursery so I could have a break from being mummy and worker , only happened in the 1 week I had off before ds made his entrance early! Bummer. Right now being a sahm seems like the most logical choice as in my career would have to put in late nights and weekends and frankly who the fuck wants to do that? I am not bonkers!

(And I believe I am too old to start a new career in something different, nor do I want to )

only got half way through the thread but just wanted to say that it is easy to say "what you would do" but why don't you come back in a few years and say "what you are doing"

life has a habit of disrupting our plans

Ooh, I love Jonesybells post, and couldn't agree more!

actually please don't bother coming back to update us in a few years.
Jonesybells has said it perfectly.

has anyone said sahm 'ardest job in world yet? because that would be clichéd shite.and patently not true

anyhoo

as you were

I am happy with my choice to be a SAHM, even though my children are teenagers. I was an operating theatre nurse, but had to stop working when I had ds3 - at that point my childcare costs would have risen to £148 per week (approx) and my take-home pay was £150 (approx). Frankly I didn't see the point of spending 25 hours on my feet, at the beck and call of surgeons who often thought they were God, just to earn £2.

Plus, as a part timer, I wasn't in any sort of line for promotion - I wasn't even getting sent on any of the courses that might have put me on the promotion ladder. I was the lowest of the low, and saw little or no prospect of that changing.

After I had been away from nursing for a while, my registration lapsed, and I would have to do a back to nursing course before I could get a job.

Plus I am battling depression, and using the time alone at home to work on that.

I am glad for you, CareeringAlong, that you are happy with your choices - but is it so hard to understand that other people are different, have different circumstances, and make different choices? Do you need to denigrate the choices of others, in order to make you feel good about your choices>

This was a thoroughly nasty opening post, made with absolutely no regard for the feelings of other people - in fact, I think the OP knew that she would upset people, and offend and hurt them, and just didn't care. That does not make you superior, in my book.

On the surface I may have a lot to be smug about. I am a successful in my career, earn about double the average wage lovely home which is always immaculate. I am no wage slave or a cog in a profit machine. I love my job and practically skip in every day.We only eat home cooked meals, even the jam is homemade, veggies from the garden and eggs from the chicken. I volunteer and care for relatives. As a teacher I have few childcare issues and was able to take five years out. Just to top it all I have a blissful marriage packed with sex.

In reality I only have time for about four to five hours sleep a night, I will never see a sports day or any school event during the day. As much as I love my job I often end a school holiday in tears as a chance to devote time to myself and my family without worrying xbout deadlines is too perfect for words. If my life in the school holidays was my real life I may then feel a tad smug .

I think tingletangle's post deserves another read or two.

I actually want to give you a hug tingle

pixieonaleaf, i agree, to me it's like breast or bottle. God, who cares. Do what works out for you.

I started off by thinking that OP was being smug and boring by bringing up the whole SAHM/WOHM debate for the billionth time but I am getting a tad pissed of by the implication that working is for mugs and is all about slaving away to make a profit for your employer. Millions of people work in jobs that are about providing a service to the public rather than making a profit eg teachers, doctors , nurses, social workers etc and people choose to go into those jobs in an attempt to make a difference to people's lives. In my job, I know that I've prevented at least 2 people from killing themselves, I've played a part in steering several young people away from a life of gangs and crime and I've helped support terrified pregnant teenagers to a place where they feel they can cope with motherhood. I'm proud of that and I enjoy my work.It's not the most important thing in my life but it is important to me. If I had the choice, I wouldn't work full time (as I currently have to for financial reasons)but I wouldn't give it up completely. There's a huge body of research about work being beneficial to mental health - a sense of belonging, earning your own money, feling useful etc. Personally, I would also find it extremely hard to be financially dependent on someone due to having spent 5 years on the dole and hating it but that's apersonal thing to me.

OP - I'm intrigued that you keep using the word 'career' rather than 'job'.

Do you really think you can just pick up a glittering career as and when you feel like it?

PS because if you do, please let me know how.

Thankyou jonsey, I am not sure why I made you shudder though.

I agreed with you Pixie up until the bit where you posed the (emotionally charged) question about a sick daughter. I would imagine that she'll do what the majority of the rest of us do - speak to her dh/dp or other supporting person, and arrange the childcare between you. It really is perfectly possible to combine work and having a family - the majority of families in the UK have both parents working.

Excellent post Upsylazy.

OP, I describe myself as a kept woman. Dh works to keep me in peanut M&Ms and reading material, and shoes.

upslazy - good post. And I agree that work can be beneficial to mental health - personally (and ironically, given the OPs post) I think the time I would have benefited from working was when mine were pre-schoolers!!!

What's all this smugness about being a 'working mum' when you are (strangely smugly) "staying at home until they are school age?"

You are a SAHM. You don't go out to work. I mean what are you doing all day with a pre schooler ?

Any decent 'working' mum knows you go back to work within the first 6 months minimum

What are the brilliant jobs you can 'choose' to get when your youngest goes to school, jobs that let you off work so you can pick them up from school and not be in a state of perpetual scramble arranging care for them in the afternoons, jobs where you can take off for the school holidays and return refreshed months later.... or make enough to pay the cost of care for several children?

Ds1 has just started nursery (mornings only). I'd love to go back to work next year when he's full-time as I loved my job and miss it (I was a Primary teacher). However, even if I work part-time, ds1 will have to be in breakfast club and afterschool club as well as a day in Reception. And, like tingle I won't be there for many of my own children's important school events.

Dh and I are still weighing up what to do but I doubt that I will be feeling in any way smug when I pick up my child who will have been in school for 9 hours. If I don't return soon, it will get harder and harder to return and I suspect that I will be a SAHM of teenage children whether I want to or not.

So smug away, just don't expect everyone to agree with you.

I feel sorry for you actually - a) that you have nothing else going on in your life other than to post such a pointless little post b) for your children who probably never have any 1:1 time if you rush around all day being such a fantastic role model

Why yes, Maths. It is clear the OP may just decide when and how and where to drop out, then simply come back when she feels like it, hours to suit, term time and all. Haven't you heard, there has been an equality revolution in the workplace in the last week?

Nasty OP and 90% of the posts in response are deeply nasty too.

Not MN's finest moment, this.

And ironically your op is nasty too Georgimama

We are truly all in this together

Plenty of children are in childcare for 9 hours a day. They seem remarkably well balanced and happy for something that by rights, if some of these posts are anything to go by, should have them rocking backwards and forwards in a corner and licking the windows.