to let it bother me so much when couples say "we're pregnant"?

[Schnitzel]

I know this is really petty, but it REALLY gets on my goat. Where did this "we're pregnant" business come from?! I'm probably just being a really miserable git.

If someone said that to me I'd pat both their bellies and say "so when are they due?"

"We said "we're pregnant" because it seemed appropriate for us."

It looks like you are outnumbered judging by the comments on this thread.
You were pregnant your OH wasn't.

I don't think she's outnumbered just because all the moany harridans think its a bad idea. For god's sake, who cares anyway. If people are happy about expecting a baby or "being pregnant" that's what matters. There's a real lack of good will on this thread.

It is a bit cringey, I agree.

I felt the same kind of feeling last when my male colleague started talking in excited, almost high pitched tones, about the normal boring blah that brides-to-be often obsessed over (he was getting married). If my husband paid more than a slight passing interest in our wedding invitations and the colour of our napkins when we were getting married I would have been a bit surprised. If I overheard him talking excitedly about these things to other people and later declaring that 'we're pregnant' I think that would have turned to horror. Not really sure why exactly.

YANBU
bleurgh! horrid cringey expression

< Does the phrase 'moany harridans' get your goat, anyone? >

"We're pregnant" is a patronising way to make a man feel he is a part of the pregnancy, which he should feel anyway.

This is another issue where people are trying to put their own beliefs onto other people's feelings.

We could do the "giving birth" implies an action and you don't do anything when you have a section (especially if you had a GA!)

We could do the "birth rape" isn't rape because it's not a man forcing himself onto a woman and putting his penis inside her.

Whilst both of those phrases could be seen to be technically inaccurate, if someone chooses to use that word to describe her situation/ beliefs/ feelings why does anyone feel the need to tell someone they don't feel like they say they do?

wtf is birth rape?

Wow, if someone said they were raped would you be so disrespectful in your reply? "WTF" ""

It's difficult to define because it is personal to the women who go through it. It's about feeling violated, dominated, abused in a birth setting. Maybe even doing things that the mother has said no to or not getting permission.

It is a strange thing to say, I like the idea of not saying anything to them and when discussing the pregnancy not use the "we" business!

I admit that I haven't come across the term birth rape before either.

Me neither. And I'm still none the wiser ..

never heard that term before either

Hate 'we are pregnant' but quite like some of the others on here. I might make up my own should we ever do it again

'WE ARE PIGDUFF'

Ha ha

But rape is often defined as non-consensual sexual penetration with an object, no necessarily a penis.

So birth rape and medical rape are accurate in a way 'we' being pregnant isn't. There are many ways to involve the man without being factually incorrect, which 'we are pregnant' is.

I think it started because women suddenly felt guilty (when we got into this whole 'sensitive men' thing) that pregnancy was a women's journey, and not a couple's.

I agree- the termilogy is wrong. Clearly we cannot be pregnant because you don't have a womb, but I get the sentiment. It took the couple to get pregnant.

I still don't think i'd say "We're Pregnant!".

Seems to me here's a problem in how masculinity is defined or perceived by men if 'sensitive' men need to feel they're 'pregnant' or else they're not involved in the pregnancy.

I was left feeling fairly horrified following birth due to being left in the stirrups thing on my own for ages. Eventually some midwife turned up to stitch me up and informed me "I'm not qualified to do this" It was horrific and excruciating and I decided there and then 'never again'.

Sorry if you didn't appreciate the 'wtf' but I really don't think likening a difficult birth and rape is acceptable.

Apart from anything else, birth is consensual - the woman (unless she was raped and even then she chose not to terminate)chose to give birth. Its just a whole other spectrum.

I'm a bit by the term!

It's not the actual birth itself that is supposed to be like rape, however difficult, it's 'interventions' involving penetration, done without consent and sometimes involving physical force and threats. Maybe it's not exactly rape, but it's very, very much like it IMO, and I don't have a problem with women making that analogy.

never thought about likening birth to rape before tbh. Am thinking it over though now

I see your point, I do.

But really, its a whole different kettle of fish IMO.

Rape is an intent to inflict violence and domination and humiliation on a person.

No matter what kind of 'god complex' the professionals have its not on the same level as rape.

But I accept some women feel their free will has been taken away which can't be in any way acceptable.

No, I agree it's probably not the best term as it tends to offend people and just lead to arguments about the use of the word rather than the actual issue... but it does illustrate how traumatic such experiences can be for some women during birth, and how some medical professionals seem think a woman is no longer a human being with rights when she's pregnant/in labour.

yes I think that is true ephiny. Actually it is worth a thread in its own right

It probably is worth a good discussion.

I had never heard the term before but yes we have all heard stories about doctors with the god complex and nurses telling women to be quiet and let the professionals get on with things as they know what they are doing but we also know they make mistakes and are on a short budget/under time pressure.

www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/

It doesn't really matter what the doctors feel their attitude is or how justified they may feel in doing what they do/ treating the women the way they do, it's how the woman herself experiences it that makes it 'birth rape'.

I think there may have been threads about this, or at least discussions in the course of other threads.