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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DDs uber rich friend for a sleepover

56 replies

THK · 28/11/2010 03:33

There's no problem with the child but I don't want to feel as though I have to apologise for what we have or haven't got! By normal standards we fair well but don't come anywhere close to this childs background.
Am I being too touchy???

OP posts:
alarkaspree · 28/11/2010 03:37

Yes you are, she will not judge you or even notice probably.

YunoYurbubson · 28/11/2010 03:38

Don't be silly. Ignore the material things and let your children be friends.

SofiaAmes · 28/11/2010 05:54

Don't be ridiculous. Kids really don't notice that kind of thing and if they do...you don't want them to be around. We have one of the larger houses of all their friends at school (compliments of previous marriage) and a lovely swimming pool. First time dd went to one friend's house with teensy small yard and plastic wading pool, she came home complaining "why don't we have a nice pool like X that warms up in the sun, instead of our big cold one." And then last year her two best friends live in flats (very small and not very nice ones) and dd decided that she no longer wanted to live in a house and we should move to a flat instead.

onceamai · 28/11/2010 05:54

I understand how you feel because ds has a friend in similar circumstances. He's round there now! But stop being silly - you are doing your best and that should be good enough for anyone.

Oh and BTW ds's friend is the one who is generally embarassed and who all the others have a giggle about. When I drop him off and have a car full of lads as soon as he's gone they all start. "They're soooooooooo rich - did you see - only 1/2 term in Maldives this year".

onimolap · 28/11/2010 06:27

YABU.

I thought restricting your child's friendships only to those whose families you consider socially suitable was a practice left firmly in the past.

gorionine · 28/11/2010 06:34

I think YABU. Your DD's friend is comming to play and have fun, not to inspect your house and its conteeeeent! Relax!Smile

gorionine · 28/11/2010 06:35

What happened with my EEe's?

mistletoekisses · 28/11/2010 06:44

YABVU.

Some people will always have more than your DD, that are you going to do as your DD grows older. Build a social exclusion fence around her?

TBH, I think you are getting off very lightly on this thread. Could you imagine if someone had started a thread saying IABU to not want DD's council estate friend coming for a sleepover? They would be flamed. How is your thread any different?

gingernutlover · 28/11/2010 06:49

precisely what I was thinking mistletoe, if this child is a friend of your dd then let her come and play, children are normally good at choosing who they play with.

BubbaAndBump · 28/11/2010 07:05

YABVU but thought I'd add this; my sister and her family are much better off than we are, not a problem, but it is funny to have her DDs (under the age of 5) announcing how small our house/garden/telly is, especially compared to how big theirs is, how many toys and dresses etc they have compared to the amount our DDs have etc!! :o :o You just have to say "it doesn't matter, we love what we have!" - my poor sister is very embarrassed about it and keeps trying to tell her DDs they're not allowed to say things like that. :o

Goblinchild · 28/11/2010 07:19

Make the sleepover imaginative and fun, not competitive and that's what your visitor will remember.
YABU because you are feeling worried and inadequate, which is understandable in the materialistic,and judgy world we live in as adults.
Don't let it contaminate your DD's friendships.
How old are the girls?

Original poster
THK · 28/11/2010 08:22

OK all points accepted. I know it's totally my issue, nothing to do with the girl she seems well balanced.
it's not the competing that's the issue, what worries me is afterwards the thought of her making any comments to DD which may leave DD feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed ! Mistletoekisses I hadn't thought about it your way - Makes me cringe- there's no way I would stop DD being friends with less advantaged children so it kind of highlights I am being silly.
Goblinchild they are 8&9.
It is the massive lifestyle difference which is overwhelming for me. My own DD doesn't appear bothered.

OP posts:
ShanahansRevenge · 28/11/2010 08:25

As a child I had a numbr of very rich friends due to a theatre group....they lived in Georgian mansions or massive modern houses and I lived on a council estate. They never once said anything and neither did I...we all did sleepovers and we all had a gret time. We're still friends now....part of the same group even though we all live scattered across the UK.

There was no need to point the diference out and it never occured to us.

PotteringAlong · 28/11/2010 08:32

You would be rightly annoyed if the mum of your DD's friend stopped her coming to your house to play because of a 'overwhelmingly different lifestyle' and it works both ways. So yes, YABU, but I think you know that! :)

theevildead2 · 28/11/2010 08:38

It's good for your daughter to mingle with people with more money and less money and different lifestyles cultures etc.

One day when she's an adult it will do her well to be one of those people who is totally comfortable in every social situation

SlartyBartFast · 28/11/2010 08:41

well my dd hasnt had her uber rich friend round for tea, because i am scared of the parents

alhtough actually she doesnt want her round

altinkum · 28/11/2010 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

autodidact · 28/11/2010 08:45

Don't be so wet and chippy and insecure. Be proud of who you are and the welcome you can give anyone who walks through your door, whatever their background.

badfairy · 28/11/2010 08:46

YABU ...it's really only adults that get hung up on this stuff, most kids couldn't give a hoot!

SeaTrek · 28/11/2010 08:47

YABU

I doubt whether she would notice anyway. My nieces and nephews and uber rich friends, many of which have well known parents. They seem to have no idea. They themselves live in pretty prosperous household (prestigious prep schools, multiple houses one of which is easily worth over a million) but nothing like as wealthy as some of their friends. It works the other way too, they don't seem to notice and definitely don't comment when they visit the homes of their average income relatives. They are just children and stuff it just that - stuff. There are other things in a home that are much, much more important to children.

maryz · 28/11/2010 08:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ivykaty44 · 28/11/2010 09:08

why should you project your problems on a child that is a friend with your dc? It is your problem that you compare how much money you have to this person - it really has nothing at all to do with a freindship your dc has with someone

please get over this and put it right out of your mind and just let your dc be friends

redflag · 28/11/2010 09:11

You are being really silly. That is all i Can say on the matter really!

purepurple · 28/11/2010 09:12

YABU, but you probably know that by now. DD is in year 9 at the local high school and has recently taken up with a group of girls from the local private school. They all have more money than us but they have all been for sleepovers at our house and DD has been to their houses too. They do the same things whoevers house they are at:- eat pizza, drink coke, watch dvds, play on the wii and go on facebook.They are all happy to sleep on the floor.

1234ThumbScrew · 28/11/2010 09:15

Are you sure she's uber rich? Dd1 is known as the posh one at school, which is only because she has a different accent. The girls at school all think were rich even though dd laughs it off and says we are soo not rich. She recently said that she's got to arrange a sleepover just to prove were not rich.