To want my DD to be able to open her presents on Xmas morning.

[fifitot]

For the first time this year me, DH and the children, a baby and a 4 year old are spending xmas with DH's family. We are staying over at his brother and sils and their twin 7 year olds.

I was looking forward to this until I was told that in DH's family they never open xmas presents immediately on waking. In fact DH used to have to wait until after Xmas dinner but apparently now the practice is his brother's kids get up in the morning but the present opening doesn't start until everyone arrives at the house. On this occasion various other bits of DH's family are due to come.

Bear in mind that my DD always gets up at 6 and not everyone will arrive til around 12. That is 6 hours of her hanging around waiting for her xmas presents! I just think it's mean and it will be so disappointing for a child to be full of anticipation for Xmas morning to be told to wait for all the adults to arrive - so we can have a 'nice' sedate present opening ritual.

At my house, the kids always got up first thing and it was merry chaos as presents were opened. The adults did theirs later. Plus DD has for her life so far had her presents first thing.

I really think this is mean and pointless but there is nothing I can do as we are at someone elses house. Have had a huge row with DH about it as think it's cruel. She's only 4 FFS and the belief in Santa will be over all too soon.

What do you think? And what do you think I can do to negate it?

"IMo Xmas should be child centred though. If I didn't have kids I really wouldn't give a toss about it and probably go on holiday!"

Me too

Litchick the basics of a stocking when I was little were an orange/satsuma, chocolate coins, a toblerone, various sweets, monkey nuts (I am not sure why), a few small novelty toys (think party bag style, so bubbles/yoyos/wind up toys), a novelty pen/pencil, some kind of biggish thing. All stuffed into one of my dad's knee high walking socks.

Now I'm older, the standard thing is an orange/satsuma, chocolate coins, a few posher chocs, some sort of shower gel/bubble bath style thing, Christmas socks, a Christmas decoration, assorted novelty toy things.

They used to be very budget, for a kid I'd think you shouldn't be spending more than £10-15 on one. These days I often spend far too much and put way too much in the stocking I do for my sister. But we stopped giving each other 'proper' presents as stockings are much more fun.

I think the main problem here is that you are seeing things too much in black and white. I can appreciate that it may be difficult for your daughter to wait until lunchtime without opening anything (especially as this sisn't what she has been used to) but equally I can see why the ILs would want to stick to their own tradition.

You have mentioned that the nephews do have stockings, but not until they have their other presents. I think that you should suggest to the ILs that you appreciate they have their own traditions, but think that it may be hard for your dd (asshe's quite young) to wait that long before opening anything, and that as a compromise you suggest that all three children open thir stockings when they wake up, and all other presents later. I would be very surprised if they didn't think this was reasonable. It would give all the children a bit of excitement first thing (and some new things to play with to keep them occupied ) but would still fit with the ILs' tradition of leaving all the other presents until later, and therefore giving the children something to look forward to later in the day.

Just wanted to say I have loved reading this thread. It's given me so many ideas for Christmas Day. When I was little we never had a stocking just me and my sister used to get up about 5am, race downstairs, rip into all the presents and be done really quickly. I'd like to spread things out a bit for the girls this year. Especially as DH won't be with us til around 8pm and won't see us in the morning .

OP YANBU, it's hard when families do things a different way. Would your inlaws let you do a stocking for the nephews? Or maybe a Christmas Pie for after brekkie?

(Christmas Pie is something I'd never heard of til I met DH...MIL gets a few little presents and ties a string on them, each string has the name of a family memeber on it. These are put in a big dish with the strings hanging out, and the top covered in wrapping paper. Everyone finds their name and pulls out their little treat. It's lovely!)

I had friends who didn't get to open their presents until after the Queen's speach and I always felt very sorry for them.
With my kids to be honest I would probably avoid travelling to someone with this xmas tradition. Most of our xmases have been at home.
If I did travel then I would have a stocking of things to open just parents and kids together in the bedroom before everyone else is awake.
I'd probably put their stocking in your room though otherwise they'll be excitedly tearing off paper and squealing at 3am.

Re the nephews and stockings I would tell your brother's sibs that you are planning to open a stocking in the bedroom before coming down as that is your tradition. They can then choose what to do. If their kids have always had presents in afternoon they might think it weird to have them in the morning. In the same way if someone from Germany came to stay who opened presents on xmas eve I'd still want to wait until xmas day to open mine.
I'd probably give the kids a choice of British xmas tradition or German in that case. I'm not control freaky enough to think it matters and do think opening of xmas presents should be arranged more around the kids than the adults.

pmsl laughing at the notion that a child opening their Christmas presents on Christmas morning is demonstrating unbridled greed but the same child opening the same presents after lunch is not greedy at all.

YABU. If you want to do things your way and only your way, stay at home. Otherwise, compromise, and stop acting so spoiled.

On a different tangent - has been mentioned here by a couple of posters. Part of present giving is seeing the people you are buying for opening your present. We all really think about our presents and it is really nice and heightens the excitement to watch other people opening them.

OH is Danish and I was a bit when the first year we got together he insisted we open all our presents on Christmas eve evening (as is traditional in Denmark). Our comprise was presents from Danish family opened in the evening on the 24th, other presents opened on the 25th.
It's nice having this blend of traditions.

There's plenty of room to comprise on both sides in the op but there's no reason for it to be a big negative thing.

I don't think that the OP has said that she doesn't want to compromise, just that she wants to give her own child a present that she has got her on Christmas morning. She isn't insisting on a present opening frenzy to be over by 6.05am, or that her dd be allowed to open presents from people who will be there on Christmas Day before they arrive. Lots of people only have stockings in the morning or only open one present, or only open Santa/parent presents early and open family presents when family arrive but this isn't that. This is no presents at all, no token, no stocking, no craft activity to get on with, nothing until some arbitary time.

I still want to know if OP has suggested the compromise and what the ILs have said about it. Can't hurt to ask!

YANBU imo. That is a long time for any child to be faced with a massive pile of presents they're not allowed to open. Sounds like a recipe for tantrums! Can the children not aleast have their stockings to open? I don't think it is cruel but it does seem a bit less, dare I say it, fun than opening them on christmas morning.

Dp's family have a similar rule in that no one is allowed to open a thing until everyone is awake and dressed and have eaten breakfast. If there are 17 family members staying over (yes really!) it must seem like a lifetime to a small child, especially when many.of them dont rise until well after 10am. Their daft rule is one of the many reasons we don't spend christmas day with them....

Some of the Christmas 'traditions' described on this thread sound quite horrifying. Do some of you have a clip board and a stop watch to ensure that the day runs with military precison ? And what happens if an over excited child sneaks open a quick pressie ? Does the Queen have to be rescheduled to cope with the fall out ?
OP - YANBU. Exs family has one of those miserable, stress ridden 'These are the rules' type Christmases. Stay at home, let DD get up when she wants and enjoy her pressies when she wants. as someone else mentioned, you have the other 364 days of the year to ensure she stays on the straight and narrow

Totally agree Sassy. What is wrong with eating chocolate and crisps for breakfast after having a massive present opening frenzy?

We spent DD's first christmas (she was 3 months old) with inlaws and I decided after being sick of the "this is how our family do things" speech, me and DP would open DD's stocking presents in our bed, just the three of us. Opening the stocking presents in bed is my family tradition. I swear when inlaws found out you'd have thought we'd committed the crime of the century we both got told off like naughty kids and told we had almost ruined the day. Tad over dramatic. That's why I will never spend christmas with them again. Their traditions are all dull.

I don't remember resenting having to wait until after lunch to open my presents. It just seemed more exciting. I clearly remember going to church and feeling sorry for all the people who had opened all their presents already and had nothing to look forward to

We always had exciting christmas stocking in the morning though. So not totally bereft of stockings in the morning. And TBH the whole christmas thing was exciting....lunch and crackers and special breakfast and getting dressed up.

....presents in the morning !

I think that if you want the Christmas that you want to have, then you need to stay at home. When you are enjoying the hospitality of someone else, you do things the way that they do them.

It is not mean, nor unspeakably cruel to make children wait until after lunch for presents (or in your case, not even that long!), nor is there anything wrong with a walk after lunch. Sounds like your IL are trying to make a whole day of things rather than a frenzied craze of wrapping paper for half an hour and that's it.

We open stockings first thing - these are from FC, then the tree presents after lunch. these are family presents.

'Nothing to look forward to' - erm - what about actually 'playing' with the new stuff they've got. Or is that not scheduled into the Christmas day itinery ?

Sassybeast - " Some of the Christmas 'traditions' described on this thread sound quite horrifying. Do some of you have a clip board and a stop watch to ensure that the day runs with military precison ? "

Well, our day has to be run to a fairly strict timetable, because we both work - we both work for the church - so in order for us to be able to GET to work (we take the kids) things have to run to time! The kids LOVE the way Christmas is always the same, they enjoy the routine, and they like having presents after lunch. They know that's when we do presents, so they look forward to that time. And they really like the 'Father Christmas visit'.

There's nothing wrong with holding off the presents till later you know!

"The kids LOVE the way Christmas is always the same, they enjoy the routine,"

Exactly!

As our household tends to be a bit chaotic most of the time, it makes a change to be 'regimented'.

Hmmmm not sure I am acting spoiled Bonnieprincecharlie - not sure how you get that from my post.

I can't get out of going there so there is not that option. Won't have a chance to discuss stocking option until the weekend.

As someone else pointed out though - how can it be unbridled greed at 6am but after lunch all jolly and Christmassy. Some odd ideas really from some I don't agree with but accept I will have to compromise, never said I wouldn't. Just be interesting to see how it goes!

Surely doing things the same way is what constitutes a tradition.
Or am I missing something?

Lily - I'm working Christmas Day - still haven't ever needed a schedule yunno ? It's meant to be a fun, relaxed family day - not amilitary operation. No wonder people get stressed.