Seeing both sides

[newwave]

I am a regular exerciser and tend to watch my diet so when a friend of mine who had not been to the gym for a very long time called me and asked me if I was going on Saturday I said yes and she said she would see me there. This surprised me as at one time she had been a regular but had stopped about three years ago saying that at 47 she had grown fed up with the gym and dieting.

Later I asked her why she was back and she said her DH of over 25 years had said: "I didn?t marry you to end up with a fat blob and you need to sort yourself out" bit harsh I suppose but she had ballooned from a trim 10 to a wobbly 16.

She told me he had been getting upset about her size for a while and admitted it was due to getting a bit lazy.

I consoled her said the right things but AIBU in thinking her DH had a point.

BTW her DH is very fit for a man in his fifties, running, and golf. Still plays football.

Madonna's fingers look like "sausages" compared to mine, I tell ya

AF. Yup, that's about the amount of exercise I put in, and am even slow on that!

Being fit and slim doesn't have to take over your lives - it's such a British perception that it does. I know many people who are able to do all these things - hobbies, kids, books - and are still slim. And loads of people who eat too much and spend a lot of time on the sofa.

Whats wrong with a 51 year old playing football there are plenty of vets teams.

Is there an age limit for sports?, I tried wind surfing for the first time 2 years ago and have been a few times since, bloody great.

"Depends if she agrees with him midori. If you can say 100% hand on heart that you prefer being heavier, then stay. But I think the OP said that the woman was unhappy with her weight as well."

The woman was unhappy with her weight, but she was fed up of dieting and gym too. She only did something when her husband was rude and nasty to her.

I personally don't think anyone should lose weight or how they look for someone else and I also don't think those who supposedly love us should expect us to change to suit their preferences.

Pamela, whilst we have a more refined, high-fat diet in general, you can't really believe that everyone used to be skinny until very recently? I take it you've seen Rubens's paintings?

I'm switching allegiances on here - whilst I truly believe you should be (tactfully, of course) able to discuss anything with each other, I cannot back the stand that size 16 is morbidly obese or horrid or ugly, or that hours in a gym is good when you barely see your family during the day. Then again, as a size 14 (me, obv) you could argue I'd say that...

'PamelaFlitton Tue 23-Nov-10 23:44:12
Being fit and slim doesn't have to take over your lives - it's such a British perception that it does. I know many people who are able to do all these things - hobbies, kids, books - and are still slim. And loads of people who eat too much and spend a lot of time on the sofa.'

yes I am sure you DO know some people like that, but what I am saying is that SOME PEOPLE don't care AT ALL about being slim (groomed/fashionable/whatever) because, for example, they think worrying about being slim/groomed/fashionable/whatever is trivial and shallow.
they just don't have the same priorities, they don't judge people, or themselves, based on surface looks.

People definitely did used to be thinner.

Rubens' paintings mean nothing. Think of the iconic images of the twentieth century - Twiggy, Jackie O, Audrey Hepburn - not exactly the woman on the street, are they? High culture, produced to adorn the walls of the rich, are never going to be representative of society.

I don't think size 16 is horrendous at all, but it is a big leap from a 10, and I imagine that if someone was a 10 and became a 16 they would look quite different.

Thinking that being slim and groomed is shallow is just shallowness itself, but in a different guise. Like inverse snobbery. 'I'm far too intelligent and important to be bothered with that' etc.

So is there a take on weight and grooming that is not shallow?

Sal, I say that too and I am a 5ft 10 size 10

If 'shallow' is shorthand for being interested in what people look like, and extrapolating from that beliefs about what they are actually like, then we're all shallow. I think it's a bit of a non-term. 'You're just shallow, not a precious child of the universe like meeeee' type thing.

Being fit does have great advantages:

Still being able to cycle up a hill at fifty.

Being able to get up a 6am and go for a 3 mile run.

Looking at holiday brochures and thinking, I would like to try that (wind surfing) and giving it a go.

Still able to play tennis to a poor level

Loads of energy.

It does not have to "take over your life" 4 hours in the gym spread over 7 days is hardly that and the tennis and cycling is a family thing.

Pamela..if we are talking iconic images, Marilyn Monroe (size 16, curvy lady) is the ultimate one, according to popular opinion

I genuinely don't know anyone who spends hours in the gym.

harpsichord That makes it sound a little like you are judging those who choose to regulate their diet and get regular exercise as being trivial and shallow.

I don't believe it is necessarily trivial or shallow to enjoy exercise and sport and to enjoy feeling good about your body. A person can do these things and also do lots of other things that they enjoy.

being 'fat' isn't inevitable
being a size 16 isn't 'fat' either necessarily
being a size 16, 14, 12, 10, who even cares??
it's SUCH a trivial thing to worry about, to think about, to talk about.
If you are judging someone based on their size, and commenting and worrying about it, I would think you are either unkind or you have skewed priorities.
I couldn't give a toss what dress size my friends take. and vice versa. Why the hell would I? It is wholly irrelevant.

There is absolutely no way Marilyn Monroe was a size 16. A 50s size 16, maybe. That is about a 10 or 12 now. She just had massive boobs and a tiny little waist.

The husband sounds like a twat.

When I met my husband I was much bigger with massive norks. Is my husband within his rights to tell me to lard up and get a boob job?

I don't think Marilyn Monroe would be a modern size 16 though, would she? I thought she was a size 16 at that time which would be about a size 12 now.

Ahh, crossed post.

'harpsichord That makes it sound a little like you are judging those who choose to regulate their diet and get regular exercise as being trivial and shallow'

nope. I am saying SOME PEOPLE don't care about this stuff.
your conclusion is entirely illogical and baseless. (WHEN did I say, for example that I don't exercise of diet????)
what people choose to do with their time and their bodies is none of my business.
I don't judge people based on it.
I am only suggesting that you might think about doing the same.

Random search on body shapes throughout the centuries, but basically, it changes all the time - usually the most difficult to obtain would be the desirable of the time. E.g. in times of hunger / poverty, being plumper is fashionable, when food available in excess, skinny becomes the ideal. Supply & demand, as always.

Olifin, a voice of reason along with Pamela

Like tans. Used to be fashionable to be pale, because workers were out in the sun so pale = posh. Now, tan = expensive holiday, so is desirable.

Life's a lot easier when you fit in with the ideal, let's be honest