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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to...

34 replies

Mishy1234 · 22/11/2010 18:30

DH is graduating this thursday and apparently the ceremony is going to be 1-1.5h long. He fully expects me to sit through it with 2 young children (2.8y and 5.5 months). MIL will be there, but I still think it's completely unreasonable of him to expect me to do it.

I can't leave DS2 as he's still bf and I'm not prepared to have him potentially upset and hungry.

I really, really don't want to be in the middle of a long row of people having to leave after 5 minutes with a crying baby or restless toddler. MIL will be there, but I don't want to have to argue back and forth with her in the middle of things when she tried to wrestle DS2 off me (which she will).

OP posts:
Original poster
Mishy1234 · 22/11/2010 18:31

Sorry, should add that DS2 won't take a bottle.

OP posts:
HecateQueenOfWitches · 22/11/2010 18:32

He's probably really proud of himself and it's important to him that his wife is there to be proud of him too.

Is there nobody who could babysit?

3beagles · 22/11/2010 18:33

It's a once in a lifetime event. I'd go and show support. Just treat it like a wedding or soemthing where you sit in a position for easy access to an exit, and use MIL to look after the older one?

NotAnotherBrick · 22/11/2010 18:34

YANBU to not want to do it, but YABU if you decide not to go, I'm afraid. This is obviously a big thing for him. You need to go, and you need to take lots of quiet things to distract your children. DOn't let the baby sleep until you go in so he'll hopefully sleep through it and you can concentrate on the 2yo.

MrsNonSmoker · 22/11/2010 18:34

I know it might be a nightmare, but just on this occasion I'd give in and go with it.

LadyViper · 22/11/2010 18:34

can you put MIL in charge of DS1, sitting in the hall, and you stay near the door with DS2?

When I graduated only 2 family members were allowed to be in hall, the others had to watch a live feed from a lecture theatre - if there is something similar at your DH's uni then there is a bit more scope for fidgeting.

ItalianLady · 22/11/2010 18:34

Why not sit on the end of the aisle?

alarkaspree · 22/11/2010 18:34

I think you should try to go. Couldn't you get a babysitter for the 2 year old and take the baby with you? You don't have to sit with MIL, tell her you are staying near the back in case your DS2 cries.

ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers · 22/11/2010 18:35

Will they allow more than two of you at the graduation?

My cousin was only allowed two and all the ones on my degree who have graduated were only allowed two in the Cathedral. Anyone else had to go into the students' union to watch the graduation there on the large tvs provided.

insertexpletive · 22/11/2010 18:35

It's seems a shame that you can't be more supportive.

This is clearly something that is really important to your dh - I would just think of a plan - perhaps make sure that you are sitting at the end of the row, that MIL is happy to stay with DS1 if you need to pop out with DS2 and have sticker books and cars to keep DS1 happy.

Try to enjoy it and be proud of your dh for his efforts.

NotAnotherBrick · 22/11/2010 18:36

And also, just make use of MIL - if she's happy to take the baby and the baby's happy to be taken, just go with it for the sake of an easy life!

DurhamDurham · 22/11/2010 18:37

Why would you have to in middle of a big row of people? I'm sure at the first sight of you with your little ones people will be more than happy to let you sit on the end!

You just don't seem to want to go.

booyhoo · 22/11/2010 18:38

yabu

look past the end of your own nose and see what this means for your husband. show him you support him and are proud. 1-1.5 hours isn't that long. you can BF the whole time if becessary and your MIL will be there to help with your toddler.

Rindercella · 22/11/2010 18:38

YABtotallyU.

Your husband is graduating from university. It Is A Big Deal.

You may find that he will never quite forgive you for not going to his graduation - I know my DH never quite forgave his exW for not bothering to attend his MBA graduation.

A 5.5 month old baby can go for an hour or two without milk. Top him up just before and hopefully you can get him to sleep at the same time.

You could always try and sit near the back so you can take one or the other children out if they become restless (or ask your MIL to)

Original poster
Mishy1234 · 22/11/2010 18:40

I think it is just 2 tickets, but I presume DH thinks they won't count the children as they will be sitting on our knees. It's also pre-assigned seats, so unfortunately I won't be able sit where I like.

OK, yes I should be more supportive. I can understand that he's proud and he wants me there to see it. I will make the effort and go.

OP posts:
geisha · 22/11/2010 18:42

Maybe a little unreasonable of him to expect you to sit there with your two dc. It's such a huge achievement and your dh probably just wants your to share in his big day. Is there any way that you could get someone to look after DD1 so that you only have DD2 to sort? Would be a bit more manageable for you that way.

Original poster
Mishy1234 · 22/11/2010 18:44

Rindercella- it is his MBA graduation. I suppose I didn't think he would feel particularly strongly as you would about a first degree (I wasn't overly fussed about my MSc).

I will go.

OP posts:
badfairy · 22/11/2010 18:45

You know what I wouldn't want to do it with 2 small children either....but I would. Just imagine if it was you who had been working hard to graduate and he told he wasn't coming. I might be a pain and if you really can't leave you LO's with anyone a bit stressful for an hour and half but it's not like he's asking you to do it every week.

PlanetEarth · 22/11/2010 18:47

My DD attended my graduation when she was about 3 months old. My mum and DH both came, and when DD started howling part way through my mum took her out. No idea if they were on the end of a row. I'm glad they all came though Smile.

Notquitegrownup · 22/11/2010 18:50

Contact the college/Uni and explain that you are bfing and ask for two seats on the end of a row. Then MIL can slip out with ds1 when he needs a wee/a walk/a shout and you can slip in and out to feed.

YANBU to dread the event. Coping with two littlies during a long adult event is not easy. Go for all the sympathy you can get from the college staff. They will probably bend over backwards to help you.

Give MIL a rucksack with appropriate sweets in for ds1 with a few little items he can play with on her lap too - a favourite truck/toy car. One of those small plastic cameras which show different photos of disney characters can absorb hours. A comic, with a few pages to colour in. A snuggly blanket and snuggly toy.

Best of luck

onceamai · 22/11/2010 18:51

When I graduated a couple of years ago I explained to my tutor that my parents were getting on and due to severe back problems my Step Father couldn't sit in a standard chair for longer than 10 mins or so without having to stand to keep his spine flexible and asked for an aise seat next to the door. They went above and beyond and put the aged parents and DH in a box to themselves. Smile. Perhaps DH could raise the difficulties.

Notquitegrownup · 22/11/2010 18:51

That was meant to be appropriate snacks for ds1!

tb · 22/11/2010 18:52

Why not ring before and explain that you will have a baby on your knee so might to nip out. Also, it can be easy to bf without it being obvious, so even if you 'top up' before and the baby needs a feed it would probably be poss to feed while you are in there.

3beagles · 22/11/2010 18:54

Fair play to you for taking on board everyones comments. Even if the seats are pre-assigned it would be shocking if no-one would swap if asked. It's make more sense for everyone involved.

Good luck - let us know how it went.

BoffinMum · 22/11/2010 18:56

I would agree with the people who advise ringing up beforehand. The staff will be ready for this sort of thing and will probably bend over backwards to see you right. You may be very pleasantly surprised, especially if you mention bf.

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