To not want to...

[Mishy1234]

DH is graduating this thursday and apparently the ceremony is going to be 1-1.5h long. He fully expects me to sit through it with 2 young children (2.8y and 5.5 months). MIL will be there, but I still think it's completely unreasonable of him to expect me to do it.

I can't leave DS2 as he's still bf and I'm not prepared to have him potentially upset and hungry.

I really, really don't want to be in the middle of a long row of people having to leave after 5 minutes with a crying baby or restless toddler. MIL will be there, but I don't want to have to argue back and forth with her in the middle of things when she tried to wrestle DS2 off me (which she will).

[cumfy]

Yes, do phone the graduation ceremony people.

I would hope and anticipate they will offer (or even insist :o) you a seat right next to the door.

[samcrow]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I wouldn't take a 2.8 year old to a formal occasion lasting up to 1.5hrs.

Maybe my DCs are unusual but there's no way they would have sat on my knee for that amount of time and I would be worried about spoiling the ceremony for everyone else. I'd be pretty annoyed to be sitting next to you someone who had to ssshhh their children all the time (not saying you would but I can't see 2 DCs being silent all that time)

I'm sure your Dh has worked hard but I think he's being really unrealistic expecting you to take the children - I assume you have no childcare alternatives.

[Rindercella]

Good for you for taking on others' comments

Was your DH's MBA sponsored by his work? If so, the last few years must have been especially hard on both of you - work, study plus a young family is bloody hard.

Honestly, if I were in your shoes I would find someone to look after the DC for a couple of hours. In July I had to leave my ebf 3 month old DD2 for 2-3 hours for my father's funeral. Of course I was worried - she'd never taken a bottle. But she was fine. Of course she was.

Go. Enjoy it. And celebrate the end of a hard few years

[Sassyfrassy]

I can recommend white chocolate buttons. They wont look as messy as milk chocolate and are a good bribe.

Hope it goes well.

[fireblademum]

30 odd years ago my mum who probably deserves a medal for bonkersness in support of her DH took 3 of us (under 18mo, 4 and 6) to my dads graduation. from what i recall it did go ok, except my baby brother dropped his dummy off the balcony onto someone.
hope you enjoy it. i'm proud of my dad for graduating, and my mum for being there despite the difficulties. Your DC's will feel similarly proud in years to come.

[walkingonair]

As it?s an MBA graduation, there is likely to be a few other parents with young children. I know at my post grad uni, there were lots of international students living on campus with their families so naturally they came to the ceremony, babies too!

It is a big deal, you should go and if you contact the university in advance the staff will be able to help with seating etc.

[hugglymugly]

I'd also suggest contacting the organisers. As it's an MBA rather than a first degree they should have experience of graduates who are also parents of very young children, particularly babies who are breastfed, so should be able to swap the seats around for you so you are at the end of the row.

Is it possible to arrange childcare for your older child? I can imagine that an almost-3-year-old could find the proceedings pretty boring. Maybe someone you know, who could entertain your DC1 outside so afterwards you have the whole family there for the photographs.

Do you have a sling you could put the baby in? That might help stop your MIL trying to wrestle the baby off you (which, of course, she shouldn't be doing anyway).

I don't think you're BU - it sounds as though your DH hasn't thought it through, so if you give him an action plan he might see that you and your DCs being there during the ceremony is problematic. Maybe the photographs afterwards with his family, with him dressed in his cap and gown, would be a better option.

[LittleYellowTeapot]

I wouldn't miss my DH's graduation for anything!

I can see how the day might be a bit of a nightmare for you, but I think you'd regret it in years to come if you didn't go. Will your MIL be much help? Make the best of it and make sure you enjoy a glass of wine with your DH when it's all over. Good luck - I hope it goes smoothly

[Mishy1234]

Thanks for all the suggestions, they are very helpful.

I will give them a ring and see if something can be worked out.

[BoffinMum]

I would agree with the people who advise ringing up beforehand. The staff will be ready for this sort of thing and will probably bend over backwards to see you right. You may be very pleasantly surprised, especially if you mention bf.

[3beagles]

Fair play to you for taking on board everyones comments. Even if the seats are pre-assigned it would be shocking if no-one would swap if asked. It's make more sense for everyone involved.

Good luck - let us know how it went.

[tb]

Why not ring before and explain that you will have a baby on your knee so might to nip out. Also, it can be easy to bf without it being obvious, so even if you 'top up' before and the baby needs a feed it would probably be poss to feed while you are in there.

[Notquitegrownup]

That was meant to be appropriate snacks for ds1!

[onceamai]

When I graduated a couple of years ago I explained to my tutor that my parents were getting on and due to severe back problems my Step Father couldn't sit in a standard chair for longer than 10 mins or so without having to stand to keep his spine flexible and asked for an aise seat next to the door. They went above and beyond and put the aged parents and DH in a box to themselves. . Perhaps DH could raise the difficulties.

[Notquitegrownup]

Contact the college/Uni and explain that you are bfing and ask for two seats on the end of a row. Then MIL can slip out with ds1 when he needs a wee/a walk/a shout and you can slip in and out to feed.

YANBU to dread the event. Coping with two littlies during a long adult event is not easy. Go for all the sympathy you can get from the college staff. They will probably bend over backwards to help you.

Give MIL a rucksack with appropriate sweets in for ds1 with a few little items he can play with on her lap too - a favourite truck/toy car. One of those small plastic cameras which show different photos of disney characters can absorb hours. A comic, with a few pages to colour in. A snuggly blanket and snuggly toy.

Best of luck

[PlanetEarth]

My DD attended my graduation when she was about 3 months old. My mum and DH both came, and when DD started howling part way through my mum took her out. No idea if they were on the end of a row. I'm glad they all came though .

[badfairy]

You know what I wouldn't want to do it with 2 small children either....but I would. Just imagine if it was you who had been working hard to graduate and he told he wasn't coming. I might be a pain and if you really can't leave you LO's with anyone a bit stressful for an hour and half but it's not like he's asking you to do it every week.

[Mishy1234]

Rindercella- it is his MBA graduation. I suppose I didn't think he would feel particularly strongly as you would about a first degree (I wasn't overly fussed about my MSc).

I will go.

[geisha]

Maybe a little unreasonable of him to expect you to sit there with your two dc. It's such a huge achievement and your dh probably just wants your to share in his big day. Is there any way that you could get someone to look after DD1 so that you only have DD2 to sort? Would be a bit more manageable for you that way.

[Mishy1234]

I think it is just 2 tickets, but I presume DH thinks they won't count the children as they will be sitting on our knees. It's also pre-assigned seats, so unfortunately I won't be able sit where I like.

OK, yes I should be more supportive. I can understand that he's proud and he wants me there to see it. I will make the effort and go.

[Rindercella]

YABtotallyU.

Your husband is graduating from university. It Is A Big Deal.

You may find that he will never quite forgive you for not going to his graduation - I know my DH never quite forgave his exW for not bothering to attend his MBA graduation.

A 5.5 month old baby can go for an hour or two without milk. Top him up just before and hopefully you can get him to sleep at the same time.

You could always try and sit near the back so you can take one or the other children out if they become restless (or ask your MIL to)

[booyhoo]

yabu

look past the end of your own nose and see what this means for your husband. show him you support him and are proud. 1-1.5 hours isn't that long. you can BF the whole time if becessary and your MIL will be there to help with your toddler.

[DurhamDurham]

Why would you have to in middle of a big row of people? I'm sure at the first sight of you with your little ones people will be more than happy to let you sit on the end!

You just don't seem to want to go.

[NotAnotherBrick]

And also, just make use of MIL - if she's happy to take the baby and the baby's happy to be taken, just go with it for the sake of an easy life!

[insertexpletive]

It's seems a shame that you can't be more supportive.

This is clearly something that is really important to your dh - I would just think of a plan - perhaps make sure that you are sitting at the end of the row, that MIL is happy to stay with DS1 if you need to pop out with DS2 and have sticker books and cars to keep DS1 happy.

Try to enjoy it and be proud of your dh for his efforts.