to wonder why playpens seem so unpopular

[Housewife2010]

Why do playpens seem so unfashionable? We have one & I wouldn't be without it. I have somewhere completely safe in which to put my 18 month old while I answer the door or do a few jobs. He's never left in there for long. I seem to be in a minority though as so few of the other parents I know use them. How do you manage without one?

We also got rid of ours when DTs turned 9 months. They started walking at about 11 mo and running immediately after so the thing lost it's usefulness.

"I wonder if the use of playpens is linked to later toilet training?

If these DCs never see their parents go to the toilet it's no wonder they dont want to use it themselves until 3+."

darleneconnor - did you read your comment before you posted it?

'But I do think that children need to learn to self-regulate and that comes from internal rather than external controls.'

I'm guessing you never read Lord of the Flies!

But in Lord of the Flies, it kind of takes place in a vacumn of experience; different to learning through emulating those around you and learning to understand their feedback to your behaviour. It's a damning story about taking cues only from immature peers, but doesn't mean that self-regulation shouldn't work out in a rounded society.

If anything it shows how important it is for children to be exposed to social cues from their parents or other adults around them when it comes to day to day life. And I can see how over-use of restrictive equipment could damage that process. But I don't think occassional appropriate use of pram/car seat/play pen/cot does that. Misuse of these things by parents may be damaging but is different to what most people here are talking about.

Ah, so external control is also important in the form of 'feedback'. I think you are over-egging the maturity of very young children quite a lot.

I used playpens with both my Dc's and couldn't have done without one. No one else I know has used one and gave me the and [other] looks...maybe they'd have felt differently had they been a single parent though...

Maybe it depends on the child, the social set up and the parenting style to such a large extent that attempting to compare different people's exact experiences just falls apart. Which would also explain why people have such varied views on it because they're bringing their own experience with them.

I was able to parent in an extended family set up. Having other people around a significant amount of the time, along with being pretty much poster AP, meant I hardly ever needed to use tools that replaced adult contact with DD. Would that have been different if I had more kids/was a single parent in a different setting/had limitations on me due to health etc?

I'm pretty sure it would have meant major changes for me and DD. And I'd have had to consider what would fit with mine and DD's personality/parenting and used different tools at different times.

Again, I think it's all about the appropriate use of things, not that one thing is good or bad.

I don't think all feedback is from other people either; some children would get external feedback from something being hot, or difficult to do. But I think that the socialisation aspect is an important part of it too.

Connecting Lord of the Flies to teaching children to self-regulate is....ummmm...a little odd unless it is just to prove my point. Those children had no self-regulation and no parents around to guide them in that self-regulation. By self-regulation, I do not mean that children are simply left to figure out for themselves but more that a parents teachings them appropriate standards of behaviour through showing them. They then use that behaviour to regulate themselves in future. This is quite different from The Lord of the Flies! And is probably why I haven't used playpens - I prefer my daughter to learn no to do something (rather than just not do it because she can't get to it).

eeek, sorry for the poor grammar/spelling in my post.

Lord of the Flies had some regulation, to be sure, but it was through fear rather than any sense of the rightness or wrongness of a particular action.

Interesting point, anastaisia - a lot does depend on social set up. We have a small flat so it is relatively easy for me to see or hear DD from anywhere in the place and not too many places where she can go. It would take me about one second to get from one end of the place to the other to rescue if she got herself into extreme difficulty. And an extended family would also help. I can see how a playpen might be a real lifesaver if you had a big house, little support, and more than one child.

Also the type of child, if you have a docile child happy to follow mummy around then your ok. If you have inquisitive little monsters who are into everything the moment your back is turned then somewhere to keep the safe for a minute is a godsend.
The self regulating is really nonsense, because we are not talking about putting children in reigns and playpens for extended periods.

I can't believe the number of posts since I started the thread yesterday. We have a large 4 storey house with the kitchen in the basement. I have a 3 year old - who hasn't been in the play pen for at least a year. Re using it when opening the door, when I have a supermarket delivery & I am taking lots of bags downstairs to the kitchen I don't want my 18 month old escaping from the house or eating my washing powder! I want him safe. I don't know how I can clean the bathroom with him "helping" either. He doesn't go in for long but the odd 20 minutes while I get something done is a lifesaver.

Chaya -"I prefer my daughter to learn no to do something (rather than just not do it because she can't get to it)"

Chaya- that's great but I would prefer my 12 month old son not to choke to death on something whilst I am in the kitchen or toilet hoping he will self regulate without a playpen.

I can't believe the number of posts about DC watching parents do chores so that they will learn to do the same. I have no intention of asking my DD to do chores. My Mum said that I would spend enough of my life tidying and cooking and so never bothered to ask me to do either when I lived with her. In our house learning to cook, if you were a woman, was viewed as somehow anti-feminist. This strange sense has stayed with me and if my DP ever praises my cooking I bristle as if he is trying to oppress me - he knows better than to do so now.

I have a playpen in the corner waiting to be put up and I shall do so at the weekend. I look forward to feeding fruit shoots to DD in it whilst i read Grazia and watch Eastenders on catch-up.

@ Stangirl

I still don't really get why your children can't be in the kitchen or bathroom with you? My youngest is 6 now and I can't really remember what I did but was on my own with 3 children, 3y2, 1y2 and 0. I'm sure I would have used a playpen if I had it but because I didn't have one I didn't and I don't remember any major problem. Maybe I just had little angels (and no pals ringi g the bell)!

Love playpens. Want one for me to sit in so no one can get to me! A friend called his the Baby Guantanamo but it contained his twins nicely!

'I still don't really get why your children can't be in the kitchen or bathroom with you?'

If I ignore all the safety implications of having very young children in the kitchen, I didn't want to be with them every sodding minute of every sodding day, and they were very happy to go in a playpen and play with their toys and I was very unhappy to go do the drudgery.

DrSeuss - you need a shed of your own. I definately need a shed of my own...

Oh, and I liked a hot cup of tea occasionally. No hot drinks outside the kitchen meant no risk of scalding.

From www.makingthelink.net/node/181

• Hot drinks are the number one cause of scald injuries among young children.
  • In 2008-09, almost 800 under fives were admitted to hospital in England with burns from hot drinks, food, fat and cooking oils - that?s two young children every day.
  • In the five years from 2003-04 to 2008-09, there was a 37% increase in the number of such hospital admissions.
  • Over 6,500 under fives visit accident and emergency departments each year because of scalds from kettles and hot drinks.

Seriously, what is wrong with you people? You should take a trip to your local burns unit. Hear the screams of children in salt baths. Always happens to somebody elses child doesn't it?

But that's it - you choose to put them in the playpen rather than need to. Fine but people are all justifying it as something that they can't do without.

Actually Nospringflower, I couldn't have done without playpens and they were a good thing for my twins as well.

I had a playpen which I used for both of mine for short periods of time. I NEVER EVER EVER took either child into the loo with me, they were both potty trained by 2.

playpens rock.

My DCs have always loved theirs (just get them used it before they learn to move).

Keeps them safe and me sane, fabulous.

(ps DS1 was out of nappies before his first birthday and DS2 was about 2.4 from memory)

Used ours loads when DS2 was born, mainly to protect tiny baby against giant toddler attack while cooking etc. Worked a treat.

Also, just reading back on this thread, I was pretty laid back about child proofing stuff, leaving them on their own etc as our flat was quite small. Then DS2 fell off the sofa and knocked himself out cold and after that I used the playpen a whole lot more.

Of course educating them about risk is the ideal but some things you just can't show them when they're 9 months old and wanting to climb everything. I was in the next room for literally under a minute and that's all it took. It did take a big old hospital trip and a very sore DS2 for me to really get the point of avoiding the accident in the first place...