to wonder why playpens seem so unpopular

[Housewife2010]

Why do playpens seem so unfashionable? We have one & I wouldn't be without it. I have somewhere completely safe in which to put my 18 month old while I answer the door or do a few jobs. He's never left in there for long. I seem to be in a minority though as so few of the other parents I know use them. How do you manage without one?

'obviously a sore point with some of you!' - no, but your judgemental comment, alfiesmadmother is just thoughtless and silly.

@ earwicga

ok so any opinion other than yours is stupid earwicga. Just because i have raised 4 children without a playpen and you haven't does not give you the right to bully. And just because you someone might think first to buy a playpen rather than move a hot drink, well that's up to them I can think of better ways to deal with a difference of opinion than being personal. And I have never mentioned reins, bottle feeding, just a few short points so stop being bullies.

I'm not sure from your post if you are directing your comment at earwicga alone or me too, but I am sorry that you feel bullied.

I feel judged. And I feel, after your comments, as if I have to justify my use of a playpen. At the end of the day - you used the word 'lazy'. Having raised 4 children with the use of a playpen doesn't give you the right to judge those who have like that.

Oh - and I have 3 children and I'm expecting a 4th - sometimes I use a playpen, sometimes I don't. It depends on the situation, the child etc.

thereisalightanditnevergoesout - very, very well put. Unfortunately I am not the most articulate of people and you have said just what I wanted to.

Alfiesmadmother - after casting the word
'lazy' and 'sore point' towards people who do use playpens, I don't think its on to call people bullies if they get hacked off?

Its simple in my case - Alfie has approximately 75 odd years of life experience and learning ahead of him. He is 18 months of age - yes, he can learn (he is now chief wash laoder in our house, which he lloves), and yes, I have a responsibility as his mother to make sure the house is as safe as I can possibly make it.

But a simple risk assesment of leaving him alone while I do answer the door (no, I dont think its fun hanging onto him by one arm, propping the door open with one leg and signing for a parcel at the same time), or, heaven forbid, get to have a poo without Alfie trying to fish the poo out of the loo before it has actually hit the water) is this:

Hazard (extire house to some edgree or another) + potential to cuase harm (Death) + liklyhood of event (moderate) = VERY high risk, which means I am no way in hell taking any chances. Just aint happening, so playpen, reins AND stairgates i is for us. If I have another, they may well be a little calmer (and more compliant in nature) so I may not need one, ut to be honest, in my current hourse, I very much doubt it.

Horses for courses, surely?

Hmm. So actually toddlerwrangler you are being equally judgemental against people who don't like playpens because they are obviously trying to kill their child.
I'm asking Santa for some sleep for all the mums on mumsnet for xmas so we can be less bitchy in 2011.
if we feel like it.

I am saying its a chance I am not prepared to take. End of.

How is toddlerwrangler being judgemental?

Her post obviously refers to her own situation: "It's simple in my case"... "in my current house"

Who knew that playpens could cause such a lot of pointless arguing?

Use one
Dont use one

Mind your own business.

Personally I think they are grand. I also love baby walkers and reins, video monitors, high chairs, purees, cebeebies and all manner of dreadful things.

If you dont, its fine, really, go ahead and dont like them.

We need a playpen because my OH has MS. He often cares for the kids when I am out doing the stuff he cant do - shopping etc. Playpens allow him to do this. They and various other things that 'mainstream' parents despise allow lots of disabled parents to look after their own kids without uneccessary and support interference from others.

I may have missed it, the thread is long, but is there any research that shows how harmful to development Playpens are? I am particularly interested as a mother of 5 children and someone who works within a child development team and has also studied child development for some years.

Thanks.

thefirstMrsDeVere - no, no evidence as far as I've been aware that playpens are harmful to development on this thread - just a lot of opinions and sweeping statements as far as I can see.

I'm with you for the 'use one, don't use one' attitude, but I will get on my high horse if someone says it's 'lazy' to use one.

We had a large size travel cot and ds used to love making a den in there with his favourite toys. And when he was learning to stand it was ideal as he could pull himself up and hold onto the soft edges and cruise around to his heart's content. He was really independent and hated help, so having a space where he could fall over safely and wander about was great (we had spsnish marble floors, v bad for little walkers).

When he had a nap I'd lay him down in it sometimes (it was a bed after all) then when he woke up he'd happily amuse himself for a few minutes before calling me.

When he was a bit bigger we filled it with those plastic balls and made a ball pit. That was superb.

And at the end of the day I'd chuck all the toys in it and voila, tidy.

Loved it. So did ds.

Obviously not allowed to express an opinion on here without being attacked. I said I taught my children early to recognise danger, and managed to keep an eye on them. They are still alive. And yes it would have been easier to put them in a playpen but I chose not to.

Maybe I should have been more careful with them.

At the end of the day I am not the one being defensive.

Do Nurseries use playpens?

You are not being attacked or bullied you are being disagreed with. If you don't like that, don't use words like 'lazy' to describe other people's parenting styles.

If you think being directly called thoughtless, silly and too stupid to turn on a computer is not being attacked maybe I have something wrong with me? Maybe I have got it completely wrong. Shall I go and tell my children it's ok to say these things when they disagree?

We had a travel cot for DS to sleep in when we travelled ro MIL's etc also for occassionally putting him in whilkst I went for a shower etc when he was a baby. He did not sleep much and stuill does'nt so iot would have been impossible for us so we used it when we had too.

It's not up to me or anyone else to decide who should use what baby items! Some are pointless to soem and others find them useful.

I hated using a sling but my best friend loves them, should we have a go at each other for not having the same opinion?

You would not do it in real life so don't do it on here, the last thing a new mum needs is to be told she's doing something wrong because you don't like it specifically!

God awful grammar and spelling there, sorry

They are unfashionable because of that Ad the NSPCC has run for hundreds of years featuring little wimpering Miles in one. He's probably about 35 now and a Labour politician.

alfiesmadmother - do you think it's OK to judge that people are 'lazy' because they use one? I notice you haven't brought that up, though.

Obviously you are allowed to express an opinion - but maybe you, too could be careful how you label people?

You were not directly called any of those things - it was your comment which was called thoughtless and silly, not you.

I would have bloody loved it if my DD had been prepared to go in a playpen now and again. It would have made my life tons easier.

As it was, I spent a small fortune on one, she would only go in it if someone got in with her and she still comes to the loo with me aged four because otherwise the monsters might get her.

Missing the point to compare them with 'restraining' a baby in a sling, surely? Babies in slings are held against a nice warm body and probably too small to be put in a playpen in any case. Agree this thread has gone an all-too-predictable route, though.

We have not one, but two Babydan playpens. My mum bought the first one (it was good enough for us, etc) and we used it a tiny bit. DS was not impressed. However, we then bought the kit and attached it to the wall round the large, open-plan entrance to the kitchen. Phew. Now we're in a new house where the kitchen has an actual door, haven't fitted anything and consequently the fridge is raided several times a day by DS, despite fridge lock.

I then bought a second one from an NCT sale because we obviously had to have something to put the Christmas tree in, didn't we? What with an over-enthusiastic toddler and all.

(Am now awaiting comments about how Mean and Nasty it is to stop a toddler pulling a large, laded tree over.)

Horton: I have the same problem. Have a playpen, but have now disassembled it, because DS would only bloody cry when put in there. He comes into the toilet with me and I carry him when I go to answer the door/phone. He sits in a high chair in the kitchen and I feed him snacks while I cook and clean. Not ideal, but better than having him cry for ages. Do other people's children not go through separation anxiety?

Yes, ReshapeWhileDamp, how dare you spoil your toddlers fun with the Christmas tree?

Laden, that ought to be.

Thereisalight how very dare you??

Actually, we may just say sod it and not use it for the tree this Christmas. It is a tad penitential, a tree in a cage. New house, less room (how did that happen? ) and DS is nearly 3 and therefore ought to be able to resist pulling the bloody thing over (ha). And his baby brother, due 26th Dec, won't be too much of a tree hazard!