to wonder why playpens seem so unpopular

[Housewife2010]

Why do playpens seem so unfashionable? We have one & I wouldn't be without it. I have somewhere completely safe in which to put my 18 month old while I answer the door or do a few jobs. He's never left in there for long. I seem to be in a minority though as so few of the other parents I know use them. How do you manage without one?

'I think one of the objections to playpens is that children learn so much from imitation and following you around the house.'

Yeah, cos I kept my children in the play-pen in an isloated room and they never saw people. In fact they are still there, aged 8, and cannot even speak yet. And don't know what a toilet is.

Gah!

Sex education is going to be odd in your house chaya.

One thing on this thread that is a real eye-opener is that people have very young children in the kitchen with them when cooking. Some cook whilst holding their children. I worked in a burns unit in the past and would NEVER take that kind of risk with my children.

And what bruffin said.

Well said Earwic - there are times (in my opinion) when it's just not safe to have a child at your feet

I wonder if the use of playpens is linked to later toilet training?

If these DCs never see their parents go to the toilet it's no wonder they dont want to use it themselves until 3+.

Oh FFS I NEVER saw my mother go to toilet (that I remember) she was far too prudish and I'm fully continent (mind you pelvic floor isn't what it used to be )

DH would never let me get one as he spent a great many hours daily being left in one by his mum who used it as a babysitting service. Never needed one and wouldn't have been safe anyways as my children were both early climbers.

You remember the whole of your baby and toddlerhood do you?

It wasn't me - it was my DH. He has a very bad relationship with him mum and believes that part of the problem was the fact that she refused to interact with her children. She is the one who gleefully talks about how she would leave her kids in for hours at a time in play pens, and asked me when I was going to get one for mine.

Besides, nobody here is accusing anyone else of doing this, and I think that, in anyone's dictionary, leaving a child in a playpen for hours everyday from birth until 2 would be considered abusive.

I did not have a playpen, DCs have always followed me into the loo, still do aged 6 and 4 but DS was in nappies till 3.5, so it didn't work for me........

They are useful, i remember one day when I had the worst vomiting bug ever and it was when DD was about 14 months, all i could do was lie on the sofa whilst LO was in the playpen watching cbeebies playing with educational toys. No way would I have managed otherwise. Used to somehow take it into the garden and place a parasol over and let DD have a nap in it. Also useful to keep DD in place with toys whilst working on university work. Very useful imho, but could imagine children who are early climbers would get frustrated and my brother (no children) did call it baby prison in jest .

My god there are some bizarre ideas on this thread

chaya - I have never used a playpen with DS, never needed to. But how do you propose that I keep him from squashing DC2 when they come along? Honestly - tell me what your plan would be. He's only going to be 2.8, not old enough to understand how gentle he needs to be. Which is fine when I am there which I will be the majority of the time, but what about when I'm not?

The people who are viewing playpens as a bad thing seem to think that mobile and interested toddlers are being shoved in them for hours at a time, which isn't the case at all.

Surely like all inventions to help with parenting; the playpen itself isn't good or bad. It's just a tool.

Like a hammer isn't good or bad. It's useful if you need to hammer something, it's terrible if you need something to cook dinner or comb your hair with

Some people never need some tools because they use something else or they don't suit their parenting. Some people rely on them too much. If you get the balance right for you and your family, it doesn't really matter what anyone else does.

Sort of an aside; I've always cooked with DD since she was old enough to sit up. Not just with her in the kitchen, but involving her in it. She used to sit in the bumbo on the counter - yeah, I know, but she'd be pushed right back, I would be standing right next to her the whole time and I'd always lift her out if I needed to move anywhere - and pass me things to chop and make sounds at me. The older she got the more involved she was and she has always been sensible in the kitchen and around hot things (5 now)

Play pens can enable parents with limited mobility to keep their children safe whilst not overly limiting their movements.

They can be a haven for children who like their own space and a bit of peace.

They are great for putting the Christmas tree in.

I am a fan.

They can be misused but what cant?

I know someone who used to put their older child in one so he could play with his lego, so the little one couldn't get at it and eat it.

heh heh, laughing at the comment about sex education in our household .

I guess my answer to that would be that in that instance my DD will also learn by doing and exploring. Just not with me!

My reply was more of a response to the OP who asked why they were so unpopular. I put forward suggestions.

I don't feel particularly strongly against playpens, TBH. But I do think that children need to learn to self-regulate and that comes from internal rather than external controls.

As for what to do about your 2.8 year old with a newborn. Well, there is a lot of literature on that.

I have heard playpen being used in the way that bruffin describes and that seems like a good idea - to give the older child some privacy from the younger one.

I definitely don't think children should be kept out of the kitchen.

I was horrifically burnt when I was teenager - to the point that I was hospitalised - and have a phobia of boiling water to this day but I still think children need to see how food is prepared and take an interest in it.

Never heard any whinging about them, then again, I so rarely pay attention what others say unless I find them interesting enough.
We had a Baby Yard for DTs, heaven sent it was. The thing was absolutely massive and DTs had a ball, pulling themselves up and popping back on their padded bottoms.
Gave me a moment to shower/answer the phone/etc. DTs were never left there long, unless DH climbed in with them then they all had a blast
Used to call ours Alcatrez - dear MIL didn't appreciate it though...

'As for what to do about your 2.8 year old with a newborn. Well, there is a lot of literature on that.'

How rude are you? I ask you for an opinion and you can't even be bothered. Hope that isn't how you plan to answer your DD 'oh go and read it in a book dear'.

Sorry to have come across as rude. I actually wrote a longer reply, wasn't happy with it, and then got called away to a meeting. I didn't realise my abrupt reply was so offensive but reading back on it I can see why it might have been.

But yeah, reading your post, now I can't actually be bothered.

alibaba I have a 19month old and an 10week old and never used a playpens like I said, I don't see the need for them. However that is my choice and we haven't had any squishing incidents yet. I know my toddler and know he is absolutely fine around the baby.

Having two young children is hard though and if you feel that a playpen will make your life that bit easier then fine.

I agree with Chaya in most points but that reply was a little rude!

i would just use a sling to involve a baby or child in what I am doing whilst keeping them safe and out from under my feet. If they wanted to be involved (which most of them have so far, most of the time)

I will still use this method now on occasion if I have a tired or tantrummy child that wants to be with me or involved but I need to do something else.

I think it's a nice compromise - contained and involved.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have posted that.

Pixie - I think DS would have been fine with a newborn a year ago, but he is much more rowdy now - runs round the house at full tilt and jumps and throws himself around generally. There have been one or two 'moments' with a friend's 6 month old which would have been disastrous if I hadn't been within grabbing distance

Like I said, sorry for being rude. I had started a reply and then got called away so just clicked post before I could modify it.

Always hard to judge tone on the internet, isn't it?

Don't think my parenting skills needed to be attacked though! That is one thing I HATE about mumsnet - the personal attacks. It has made me go right off it at times.