A good job there aren't many men on MN

[Truckulent]

I think men would be shocked at the level of resentment leveled at them on MN. Almost a seething mass of contempt at times.

I'm a man, been on here for years. And I was surprised by it.

AIBU to think it's a good job there aren't many men on here, or would more men posting help men and women understand each other better?

'Is it about some men not being used to being disagreed with, or am I off the mark totally?'

Hush medear, none of your insight for the moment, for a Man doth deign to speak to us...

And whilst I'm here I prefer coven of manhaters!!

I admit I've only been here a short time, but not come across any manhaters or indeed anti-male posts.

I admit i found the 'dumping a small willy' thread v amusing and appreciate that to most men that would have been a joke too far - but that said, the author of it got pulled up repeatedly for the title, and the thread's content was eventually really rather reassuring, along the lines of everyone likes something different etc.

That said, no diferent to kind of stuff real women say about real men in real life - if you're too sensitive to cope with that, as I said before, then you shouldn't be peeking at a forum on mumsnet - stick to 'anodyne.com' or something.

Hmmm I suppose the 'almost a seething mass of contempt at times' is a bit hyperbolic on my part to say the least.

I suppose it is when I read threads where a man is pretty much called a twat by most posters and what he's done doesn't seem that bad. Or threads where 'what annoys you about your DH' is the theme. But when I read about what some DPs behave like I am a bit shocked what people put up with.

When I talk to female friends these sort of comments don't seem to come up, or perhaps I don't notice it.

I'll have to think about it.

By the way, the 'feminist' section sounds interesting - ot come across that yet. Is there one, and if so, where do I find it.

Happy to publicly self-identify as one.

I've just realised one thing about that post - that clique of manhaters who have a license to do and say whatever we want -

a) should we not be allowed to say whatever we want then?

and

b) with regard to the doing what ever we want, what is it exactly that we are actually doing on MN that so offends you ccpccp? Because um, all I do here is post. What else do you think we are doing? Kidnapping happy wives and separating them from their loving husbands, forcing them to live in our lesbian commune without benefit of lipstick or stiletto heels and not allowing them to go home again until they have run up a set of dungarees for all the members of their family on the communal sewing machine? Or what?

I find it interesting that ccpccp has accused people of deliberately misinterpreting niceguy2 and not just misinterpreting.

Btw you still haven't said whether you are male or female, or even somewhere inbetween.

Evening all. Gender police! Let's be 'aving you, wap it all out on the table.

Ffs.

Truck - I expect that these sort of comments don't come up in RL because people are polite. They don't want to offend their friends and possibly say something which might hit a sore spot they're unaware of.

I would not talk about certain things in most informal company because I don't know if I might be triggering or upsetting someone who is struggling with those issues.

Truckulent, if your female friends never ever have spats with their DPs, then they're lying.

They may prefer not to talk about it with you because you're not the most sympathetic audience, possibly?

Or maybe they prefer to let off steam in an anonymous forum, thereby hurting no-one, but relieving some of the tension (as I did myself last night). DH has apoloised v sweetly today, I have accepted I hope equally sweetly. It doesn't mean I 'hate' all men, but sometimes men do stuff that is annoying and related to being men, and we know that on here other mums (who've probably been in the same situations many times themselves) will understand and give a wry smile.

You don't understand, clearly. But I won't claim it's because you're a bloke.

It may just be because you're a bit insensitive.

Granted -- click on Topics up near the I'm On button, etc., then scroll down the Topics lists to 'Other Stuff'. In the list of topics in Other Stuff, Feminism is next under AIBU and Etiquette (on he screen I get anyway).

Truckulent -- you might like to read 'Reviving Ophelia' by Mary Pipher for the benefit of your DD. You seem very open-minded and this book may help illuminate for you the world that girls (and women) face.

Women don't talk about the sort of thing you frequently see on Relationships with men as a general rule. Most women don't even talk about this sort of thing with other women -- even their own families may be unaware of what is really going on behind closed doors. It is humiliating to admit you are a grown woman being treated worse than most farm animals, under your own roof, by a person you decided to cast your lot with (presumably without the aid of a shotgun to the head, and for reasons that seemed perfectly good at the time), and it's very difficult to talk about it. That is why domestic violence and various other forms of abuse are so far under the radar of most people. It is humiliating to admit you are a grown woman being treated worse than most farm animals, under your own roof, by a person you decided presumably without the aid of a shotgun to the head, to cast your lot with, and it's very difficult to talk about it.

hmm don't know how that happened....

Your point was that law = equality so life = equality. And that clearly is not the case.

bleat?

I think this is probably the crux of it Truck,

"I suppose it is when I read threads where a man is pretty much called a twat by most posters and what he's done doesn't seem that bad."

There is often a pattern of 'things that (some) men do that don't seem that bad'. This pattern is generally just a sign of a man acting in a perfectly normal patriarchy endorsed way - to him. For a woman it may be something that makes her feel disrespected as a person. These things can be a seemingly no big deal like never loading the dishwasher, or they can be more serious like demanding sex.

When a man leaves plates on top of the dishwasher, instead of putting them in the dishwasher, he is communicating a whole load of things to his female partner - none of them positive.

This pisses women off because it speaks volumes to us about our situation. Men often don't get this though and think we are being petty or nagging or summat.

'Tis the concepts of 'male privilege' and 'obliviousness'.

What else can we do Niceguy?

We can change the structure of society, so that it is designed to meet the needs of both halves of the human race, not just one half.

Howzzat?

I don't think I'm insensitive, I've always had female friends and I think if I was insensitive I'd get called on it, or they wouldn't be friends with me.

I've been running through some conversations I've had in my head. And I think there are unhappy relationships amongst my circle. But most seem to split up rather than stay unhappy. (which is what my partner and i did for example)

I know some seem to stay together because it appears too financially difficult to split up.

Just to reiterate though I do think MN is a great site, and I do like women! I was just trying to say I don't think hardly any men are aware of feminist issues, I did an ou course and one of the modules was heavily influenced by feminism and when I discussed it at work I got a few strange looks, my work is a bit behind the times.

I bleat?

Or is that 'you' addressing women in general -- 'We bleat'?

I am getting the impression that women annoy you, Niceguy...

What 'we' can do depends on who the 'we' is. If you're a man and the 'we' refers to men, then you can change a lot of your attitudes for starters.

Truckulent, what do you see when you read the word 'bleat' in Niceguy's post, and do you think Niceguy has been misinterpreted, deliberately or otherwise, in post after post on this thread?