A good job there aren't many men on MN

[Truckulent]

I think men would be shocked at the level of resentment leveled at them on MN. Almost a seething mass of contempt at times.

I'm a man, been on here for years. And I was surprised by it.

AIBU to think it's a good job there aren't many men on here, or would more men posting help men and women understand each other better?

I see Mayor Quimby's point to a certain extent though.

If a female poster expresses that she does something her partner doesn't like then there tends to be the replies that she has the right to do X or Y, and he is controlling if he objects, but that if the reverse is the case then he is insensitive to her feelings if he doesn't curb or control the activity. This is by no means the way it always goes but it does come up often enough to be a little

But as to posters who post stuff as MQ states.. they have a right to post and I have a right to ignore/avoid where I find it uncomfortable to join in.

Quite E&M.

On these threads you can guarantee someone or other will bring up the man hating clique that apparently runs rampant on MN, besmirching an otherwise super-duper forum with their 'opinions'

How dare they etc.

Everything that tortoise and BPB said.
There are some male posters who are held in high regard, there are some who aren't. If you feel you aren't maybe you should examine your attitude.

Also there seems to be a kind of logical mental block in some posters on here. So if someone says (in context) "men have been getting away with rape for far too long", you invariably get someone replying with "OMG what an outrage, how can you assume that all men are rapists"

Saying that a crime is mainly committed by people from group A, IS NOT THE SAME as saying that all people from group A commit the crime.

"Are you saying some posters shouldn't be able to say what they like shock? then whats the fucking point of an open forum? "

No. WHere did you draw that from? they can post whatever they like.

Also there was a very funny moment a while ago where a male poster (I think it was Pan but maybe not) made a comment and got jumped on for being a "man-hater". When the person who'd called him this realised that the supposed "man-hater" was in fact a man they were all smiles and apologies and "how ridiculous to think you were a man-hater" etc.

In fact the accusations of "man-hating" are silly, whether directed at a man or a woman, when it's in response to merely expressing views about e.g. the pay gap, historical inequalities, DV etc. Pointing out that men have been running the world for a long time and are still doing it, is not called "man-hating", it's called "watching the news with your eyes open".

There are some men who post here that I like very much- they have their own personalities and spats, but still fit in to the ethos of a female-dominated site. The ones I cannot bear and do not want to further encourage are the hectoring sexists who oddly gravitate to the Relationships topic, usually to tell a woman it's her own fault if her husband has an affair. They often start threads which attempt to show us little women the error of our ways too. Urgh- go away.

MN is only as good as it is because it gives the space for women to have their authentic voices heard, with all the spiky humour, witty parody, dreadful puns, ribaldry, robust debate and thoughtful patient support which is sorely missing from so many other fora. If there were many more men here if the second type I described, these characteristics would all change, it would be like every other space where women no longer determine the agenda, and mumsnet would not be worth spending time on for me.

'Of', not if- typing on phone, sorry.

mayorquimby that was in reply to ccppcp

I can understand mayorquimbeys confusion BonniePrinceBilly - you do have a habit of arguing points that nobody has made.

The thing that has shocked me in the six and a half years I have been on this site is the number of men I've realised do no housework, cooking and/or childcare. Now that is shocking.

so how else can this be interpreted;

"There is a clique of man haters on MN who seem to have license to do and say whatever the hell they like">>>

We all have that license, yet you want to silence those you don't like.

it's like raaaaaiiiin on your wedding day

Elephants

"Also there seems to be a kind of logical mental block in some posters on here. So if someone says (in context) "men have been getting away with rape for far too long", you invariably get someone replying with "OMG what an outrage, how can you assume that all men are rapists"

Well, yes, that is the implication in proper English. If you wanted to make a point in a more clear and less provocative manner, you could say "some men" or "too many men". However, you choose the generic plural "men" because you do feel that, in some sense, all of us are responsible for rape.

How about "women like being stay at home mothers". How would you react to that statement? It is definitely true that MORE women like being SAHM than men like being SAHF. However, I suspect you would find the unqualified statement to be untrue and provocative.

Well,

MrIC may also be OK with literal self flagellation as he walks the stations of the cross, yelling "mea culpa" as he goes.

Does not mean he should, or most of the rest of us agree.

I like most of the male posters on here - have had a run in or two with a couple of them in areas I generally now steer clear of (mostly religion) but that's not because they are men, it's different opinions.

However, not long ago there was a male poster who specifically targeted relationships and who was generally quite aggressive to the OP - suggesting that it was her fault that her H/P was doing whatever it was he was doing, however bad that was. Sometimes he had valid points - but his crass heavyhandedness had many people up in arms over it. There is a time and a place for that, and mumsnet ain't it. People come here to AVOID being told that kind of shit.

I also find that the support here when you just want to rant, however irrational you are feeling, is usually good - someone will often come along and piss on your parade, but that's okay too (eventually) because it reminds you that you are just ranting.
Whereas in RL, I have friends who a) don't listen b) try and offer advice c) tell me to stop being daft. I don't need that when I want to rant! I want to rant! OKAY?

And while in general I do find that whole Men=Martians, Women=Venutians thing bizarre and slightly abhorrent, there are times when yes, I do find some of the male population are more about offering solutions and less about listening to the ranter and sympathising with her feelings.

I don't think we should change the name - but I do think it should be made clearer that all are welcome here: men, women, parents, grandparents, childcarers, parents-in-waiting and those who like a jolly good barney in the AIBU and Feminism topics.

I value the men on MN. It's good to get their take.

Keep posting, boys!

I'm not a man, but I would agree that a subset of the women who post here do seem to jump very quickly to the conclusion, in the face of sometimes minimal evidence, that someone's DH is controlling/lazy/selfish/abusive or whatever. Personally I try not to make those assumptions, but in the end we can all only speak from our experience. If someone's experience of relationships has been controlling/abusive etc then it's understandable if they apply that expectation elsewhere.

I do get a bit when the 'emotional abuse' filter gets applied to situations which - to my reading - seem to call for understanding and communication, rather than divorce papers; but on the other hand, some of the women I've seen posting here really don't seem to have any idea of just how unpleasantly their partners have been treating them. And there's something heartbreaking but also, in a funny way, uplifting about those occasions where you see someone's perspective shift round 180 degrees...and they start taking charge and freeing themselves.

So I guess it can cut both ways.

"Who is in the clique of man haters?"

They're probably the ones, whom far from hating men, actually have a great deal of respect for men to the point where they expect them to behave as mature adults and refuse to excuse any bad behaviour (from any man) on the basis of their gender.

"so how else can this be interpreted;"

Well TBH BonniePrinceBilly, if you didnt read 'do and say whatever the hell they like' as meaning above and beyond what is acceptable, I also provided you with a handy list in the next line.

I think it's very telling about the average father's attitude to their children that paretning website is entirely full of women weeping about how they are unappreciated, mistreated, neglected and used and domestic labour by the people who purport to love them.

And ... where are the men with the same complaints? Where are the men who are unappreciated, mistreated, neglected and used? I never see them in the pub. I never see them here. I'm not saying that these mistreated men don't exist, but they certainly don't exist in the same volume as mistreated women do.

Pottonista - I agree. Whoever said that people post about their abusive partners - in most of the threads I have seen about those (not all, granted) the OP has been seemingly oblivious to how abysmal her treatment has been and it is only obvious (from what she says) to other people who have been through it - and there seem to be a largeish number of people on MN who have.
Yes it is great when they start to take control and sort out the situation - and can be quite worrying when they disappear off the face of MN and are never heard from again.

Barbara - careful now! :)

larry is you post some sort of test/experiment?!

How about "women like being stay at home mothers". How would you react to that statement?

Gosh that's fine - I'd prefer some at the front TBH....

BUT

This I do have issues with:

"It is definitely true that MORE women like being SAHM than men like being SAHF."

Of course you can't say that it is definitely true!

Numbers wise there are more SAHM than SAHF.

But as we are not living in an equal society choices people make are constrained.

Some women would like to practice equally shared parenting so that they and their partner\husbands can share parenting and working.

No wonder things are moving slowly for women/going backwards when you've got men coming on Mumsnet telling us definitely that more women like being SAHM than men like being SAHFs.

It is also very narrow and false to construct SAHM v WAHM - as there are many part timers and people swap between the categories as the years go past.

What I find refreshing on MN is that as mentioned by others it is a space for women to discuss free from men telling us what is definitely true.