A good job there aren't many men on MN

[Truckulent]

I think men would be shocked at the level of resentment leveled at them on MN. Almost a seething mass of contempt at times.

I'm a man, been on here for years. And I was surprised by it.

AIBU to think it's a good job there aren't many men on here, or would more men posting help men and women understand each other better?

Although alcohol is often involved I don't think you can say that it is the main reason for domestic violence. Abusers are interested in control and they use the violence in order to control their partner. Their partner will want to avoid the violence so will to their best ability accomadate and accept the abusers wants and needs.

AF....I do talk a lot, a lot, a lot...sober!! TBH, shameful as it might be, I haven't been really pissed since having children, nine years ago!!

DV happens by a whole host of perpetrators, the massive majority are men.

StaceySolomon-your list at 19.40 pretty much covers it, I'd say!

In the seminar yesterday, and in all my reading about abuse, alcohol wasn't mentioned as a factor. In my own experience, the use of alcohol exacerbated the problem but 90% of the time my ex was stone cold sober when he dished it out.

As for the question about male victims, the numbers are higher than people think but the incidence for women is much higher than it is for men. I don't know what the split between male and female perpetrators of dv directed at men is.

Can I gush over Network Guy for his thoughtful post?!

I always thought networkguy was a woman...

Jess - what sort of seminar were you at?

it's a bit odd that alcohol wasn't raised as a factor, and in all your reading you have never come across it.

if anyone googles 'dv and alcohol stats' for eg you will find a lot of overwhelming evidence re the potency of alcohol, NOT as a causal factor.

it is less so for child abuse circumstance, but commonly it serves to overcome 'internal inhibitors' to act. >.

I suspect I have now beaten this particular drum as nauseum.

Jess - what sort of seminar were you at?

it's a bit odd that alcohol wasn't raised as a factor, and in all your reading you have never come across it.

if anyone googles 'dv and alcohol stats' for eg you will find a lot of overwhelming evidence re the potency of alcohol, NOT as a causal factor.

it is less so for child abuse circumstance, but commonly it serves to overcome 'internal inhibitors' to act. >.

I suspect I have now beaten this particular drum as nauseum.

ad nauseum, even......

alcohol usually cited as main factor in dv football and alcohol potent mix for dv

OF match=rise in stabbings,violence and disorder.A&E a lot busier on match days

Craig - it was a joint council/National Health service seminar on domestic abuse. It was put on to coincide with End Violence Against Women week and International End Violence Against Women day on Thursday.

They didn't cover it because alcohol exacerbates an attitude that is already present. It doesn't cause it. Therefore, it may be a factor but it is not the root cause, which I would suggest is summed up by StaceySolomon's post at 19.40.

yes, I established those 'causes' prior to this - to not mention it at all though as a very significant factor is a bit .

But it's a factor in the same way that your football team losing is a factor.

It's not a root cause. If we can tackle the root causes, then we don't need to worry about whether a football team loses or a guy drinks too much that night.

alcohol is a disinhibitor,fuels rage and agitation of course it is a factor.look at any A&E after pub closing time.peak time for violent disorder is after pub/club close

No one's arguing it's not a factor

Just that it's not a cause

Yep, that's right. I said it wasn't a root cause, not that it wasn't a factor.

Oi Stacey.....

Perhaps we should be focusing on what we can do to stop football teams losing.....!

In my experience of football the hooligans arrange to meet opposing hooligans via mobile or on the internet and there's not a lot of alcohol involved. Also it is not a lot to do with football, just violence.

Ah i see you mean watching England play, they lose and then there's more DV.

Yes, that's true.
Football violence is different.... often planned in advance.

I was being tongue in cheek!

We do still need to tackle the root causes - the need or desire to dominate another person.

Page 47 of Lundy Bancroft's book - chapter: "The Mythology":

Myth #17: "The alcohol is what makes him abusive. If I can get him to stay sober, our relationship will be fine.

The most important point to be aware of is this: Alcohol cannot create an abuser and sobriety cannot cure one. The only way a man can overcome his abusiveness is by dealing with his abusiveness."

Chapter 8 is devoted to addiction in more detail and it starts:

"The role that alcohol, drugs and other addictions play in abusiveness has been greatly misunderstood."

Well seeing as pregnancy is a massive factor in whether a man physically abuses you or not, then maybe we should stop pregnancy and that would cure them?

Wait, I think I see a flaw...

jess that book you quote is psychobabble from planet lala.what a lot of bibble babble

darn it! It was so convincing until that point.