to be most aggrieved that I did not get married off in the last IPOAT thread? Won't someone think of Nigel?

[BeribbonedGibbon]

Well, am I?

Ya'll just jealous of my pretty ways and fine figure that'll catch me a better husband than you can ever dream of...

Did I say I feel pretty? Oh so pretty? And I pity any girl who isn't me tonight!

Why, Where is that Jinny? she is meant to do ma hair for tonight, I do so hope she is consorting with the help! But what can you expect of a girl raised in Atlanta?

Well, if it isn't La Di Dah Amelia Pagwatch! When did you arrive?

Whyyyy, aah was merely trying to speed the narrative along. What with me bein' in maaah dress-made-from-curtains an' all.

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-laaaaaa-la-la!

well looky here at miss cat-who-got-the-cream and her historical time line...

" you may be pretty as a picture but that dress is not fitting for so early in the evening, and you have no lace on the bodice. I shall tell Pa"

(Goes walking with the help....)

Fie fie fie!

I arrived from Savannah this morning by express trunk. I bring the finest lace and brandies and a slightly mouldy captain. Let us polish him. He will soon be fit for such company as you can summon...

(sticks out tongue)

(Pinches cheeks to match slapped face)

(my posh iPad can't do proper grinny faces or asides)

(I am posh yet crap)

Why,'twas Pa tha picked this out for me in Charleston! Oh the layers of tissue paper in that French imported box!

eat your heart out, Umami-Mae and Amelia Pagwatch!

Why hulloo there distant cousins in the Deep South, , it is I, Miss Hullabelle- Gullabelle, but lately arrived from my brief sojourn in the North, where I must say they simply do not have our breeding and manners, or, indeed, happy native slaves.

I wondah where I might have my maid put the trunk? Surely it is time to dress?

Ooh, HullabelleGullabelle! You are one young lady I AM pleased to see, do tell us of the fashions current amongst those rough Yankees! And...the manners pertaining to the young gentlemen of those northern climes...I hear they are importunate in their desires...

Ah do so like a man who knows what he wants!

Leave your trunk next to mine, there will surely be no unfortunate mix ups.
Join us once you are dressed. We will be having iced tea on the veranda.

Ah declare they spit and sass all day. They are like to grab a lady and paw at her in a doorway muttering all sorts of importunate rudenesses. And they wear a rough grey serge that pains the eye.

Ah was never so glad as to get home. Is there a little more ham and gravy?

our butler mixes the best mint juleps this side of Savannah!

Why thank you Fourth Cousin Amelia, what a pretty trunk you do have, so shiny!

Ah must go and freshen up now. Tell that fine young farmhand, the one like to bulge clean out of his tight pants, to bring me up a pitcher of water, some unguents, and a passel of soft towels.

passel?

Why surely! Like the kind the postman brings, but softer and more absorbent.

Do enjoy our fine facilities!

Hullybelle off to second bathroom

Rhett! Rhett Butler! Haayyylllp! Hullybelle has plum forgotten how to do links agin'!

Sorry I am so late but I was held up in Atlanta rolling bandages for our poor soldiers

It took ages

Flounces in with big fat cigar. puff, cough,puff, cough, puff, cough, splutter wheeze.
My my this is so good, the colonel let me have a drag.
Anyone....

i think this'd be a great 'introduction to mumsnet' thread for our real husbands! the Oestrogen (or is testosterone responsible for randiness?) sort of radiates off the screen. It's a bit scary, even for me.

Why fiddle de dee, Miss IntergalacticHussy-Lulabelle! Whatever do y'all mean?

Isn't that somethin' the fieldhands drink at pickin' time?