to not want DH to pay MIL to clean our house

[AmandaCooper]

Am I? DH thinks so, so I said I would ask you guys.

YANBU - wouldn't let my own mother do it and I have noooooooo real secrets from her (certainly no toys in the cupboard ) I would just feel so slovenly and judged!

Could you ask her to do something like iron your DHs work shirts? My MIL took my DHs shirts home when DC1 was very small. In theory it freed me up to do other stuff. But as it went home and was all her son's stuff the chances of snooping were controlled.

He'll just have to tell her that you have already organised someone else,
Who will be equally upset and offended.

Tough fucking luck.

Tell him if he doesn't it will end in divorce - his choice.

Your dh is hugely unreasonable for arranging this without discussing it with you.

I would be beyond livid.

He needs to tell her no. Seriously bad idea IMO. My mil is nice but I wouldn't have her as a cleaner, same with my own mum or any other family member.

at mememe!

Do you not make her stop and tell her you are really offended? Or take the hoover when you pop to her house for a cuppa?

I would be grateful for anyone to clean my house really

Why does your DH think this is a good idea? Why does your MIL?

YANBU

We had SIL doing ours for a bit - she was skint, we were busy, seemed logical.

It was mostly OK but then she started doing a crap job; dh wanted to tell her so; I wouldn't let him because there would have been tears etc (SIL is grade A drama llama at the best of times...), & she was moving abroad soon - if it hadn't had that as a natural end, it would definitely have got ugly!

& that was SIL, not MIL, & just kitchen, bathrooms & a spot of hoovering once a week.

I'd avoid.

No, bad move, way too intrusive and she'd find excuses to keep coming back to do different stuff. My MIL wanted to wash our clothes whn DD was a newborn. MIL and my smalls??!! No way.

get your DH on this thread -

Now, MrAmandaCooper - your mother might be a great cleaner, but you have a choice here, a clean house but no sex and a stroppy wife, or a messy house and orgasms.

You should never hire anyone you won't be prepared to give a formal warning too and/or fire.

AmandaCooper - if he refuses to change this arrangement, I'm sure it's grounds for divorce. And then you can hire your own cleaner.

I don't have a MIL but just the thought of this makes me itch! Don't do it!

YADNBU.

A furious row has ensued. DH has never complained about my cleaning before. I work long hours and when we're busy on the weekends things can slip. I don't do all the tidying but I do all the grimy jobs in the house, and also do all the washing and ironing. Apparently it's not good enough.

MIL's business recently closed after months of gradual decline. She could do with the money and DH says he just wanted to help her out.

But I hate the idea of her even coming round for a cuppa unless I've specnt eight hours scrubbing and polishing to get it up to her standards. Her house is so clean you could quite happily lie down on the kitchen floor for major surgery.

alfabetty - She just says that she's just trying to help me out. DH has tried to tell her I'm insulted but she just makes him feel guilty that she's trying to help me. She's not, she is insulting my cleaning.

I might use your suggestion on my next visit!!!!

Oh Amanda. I think you have to stop it now, DH's tantrums or not.

So tell DH to pay her to stay away.......my teeth are itching and my back is up at the mere thought of my MIL doing this.

Nooo way! If she's that skint just give her the money. How dare he arrange it without asking you! I presuming that he doesn't lift a finger himself? If he's that neanderthal traditional that he thinks his wife should do the cleaning, then you need to invoke the 'mistress in you own house' rule. He can't have it both ways.

No way Jose. I would freak!

DH is forgetting she's not your Mother, he probably thinks it's fine.

My mil tried to clean up when we moved; it just felt so intrusive.

Feel for you Amanda, YANBU in my opinion. I agree with what the majority of other posters have said. I have a great MIL who is not fussy and asks us not to clean up before she comes round. Once she came and helped when DH was ill - it was nice of her but annoying when I couldn't find anything in the kitchen!

Really your DH is being unreasonable for talking to his mum about it without running it by you first. What is he thinking?! I would be mad if my DH did that.

Also, if your house is too clean you won't build up resistance to germs . At least that is my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Shit.

Once she has her foot in the door you're doomed. I mean, you couldn't possibly sack her, could you?

There'll be her telling FIL that you're a slattern who leaves her water glass on the beside table and a slut who leaves... Things No Decent Wife Should Have unside the bedroom table and you running around with a can of Mr Sheen at 11pm the day before she is die to clean, desperate for the house to be clean enough for her to... er... clean.

Due to clean, not die to clean of course!

DH says could someone please explain to him, "logically", the reason we all feel this way. In man language.

Oh the sheer pulsating horror of the thought of it