... to think it is wierd for a mum to wash her adult son's hair?

[HannahHack]

Right, I am only on MN as my DP has forbidden me from mentioning it!

He told me that one of his best friends (26yo) has his hair washed by his mum when he goes home. Now, is it just me or is that just f'ed up!?

Sorry, only read OP.

I think its stranger that your DP forbids you from mentioning MN.

Anyway, YANBU, I find that very odd however I wonder is it because hes male? Im 25 and my mother has been known to help me wash out hair dye at the kitchen sink at times and I dont think thats weird at all. I suppose thats something I need help with though, as opposed to having my mother wash my hair for pleasure? hmm. Dont know.

OK diddl - would you think it weird if a mother cooked a meal for an adult son? Or if perhaps an adult son cooked a meal for his mother? There is more to this general 'ewwww' reaction than that isn't there?

It is weird in a "Why is he not doing it himself".

My DS is 6yo and washes his hair himself. When he is 26yo I certainly will not be washing his hair or his clothes.

If it were a one-off because he had hurt his arm or something, fine but to regularly have someone else wash your hair. Weird.

I would feel the same way if you were to say that you wash your DH's hair or he washes yours.

@MmeLindt A lot of people have asked, why is he not doing it himself? He does, when he is not at home. He only goes home every other month or so. This only happens when he goes home which does make it wierd to me.

That said, I don't think it is odd for couples to do it, what ever floats your boat really!

I don't think it is odd to wash your partner's hair occasionally. Can be quite sexy. Just not all the time.

But we´re not talking about cooking a meal.

I think it´s weird that he does it most of the time but when he visits his mum she does it.

But what's the difference? Between cooking a meal for someone and washing their hair. If you take the 'ewwwww' response out of it (which I don't understand).

It's weird because it is personal care, not a social favour like cooking a meal. Intimacies of this nature between adults tend to be reserved for couples, or when personal care is necessary during illness. Otherwise, the process is professionalised, and we pay hairdressers and beauticians.

Having your mum do it when capable yourself is strange. It is infantilising, and I would expect a mummy's boy/MIL from hell combo if this was something my partner did.

Well, I guess cooking for an adult is a social thing.

For example when we visited ILs, MIL cooked for us.

When they visited us, we cooked for them.

But we all took care of our own hygiene.

OK, forget the meal comparison then. What would be the difference between ironing someone's clothes and washing their hair? Both are to do with grooming and to do with personal care.

I'd put any money on the 'ewwww' factor disappearing then. So it is to do with touch and closeness? In which case I think it a little sad that it is considered weird and disturbing for a parent to be unable to touch or be close to an adult child.

So you'd be ok with your adult son shaving your legs?

Mind you I have been banned from the bathroom when either of my 2 eldest DC are using it. And they react like vampires faced with a crucifix when I forget to lock the door when I am using it So I guess it's irrelevant to me.

Legs and head are quite different. Not to mention I wouldn't let anyone near me with a razor.

I don´t think it´s disgusting, just odd.

Why does he ask & why does she agree?

Can totally see me doing it for my son if he physically needed me to.

When my husband was "post surgery" a few months ago he needed help in the shower.

Helping wash his hair was one of the more pleasant aspects

It is weird - not wrong, but weird.
Why does she do it for him (and why does he want her to do it)? Does it get an extra good clean? Or does he dye it and she's helping him wash it out (as someone else mentions)? Or is he reverting to childhood?

I honestly don;t have a problem with it as a one off for a specific reason, but I just can't understand what that reason is?

it's odd I think

No I can't see a reason for it. I just don't quite understand the 'god how weird' reaction.

I suppose for me it's that I wash my hair quickly every morning, get it out of the way. The thought of all that mess and time taken up for someone else to do it just seems ridiculous.

I think it is extremely odd. It is the sort of thing my MIL would have wanted to do for DH, but she was extremely odd too.

i totally get that this guy is capable of doing this himself. and he does, but what is wrong with having someone else do something nice and relaxing for him?

having your hair washed for you is far more relaxing than doing it yourself. this man gets his mum to do it every other month. i really don't see how that's weird. would it be different if she was giving him a head massage and not actually washing his hair? is it the washing aspect that freaks people out? because the washing is usually done in the shower? so if you remove the shower then basically she is giving him a head massage.

Perhaps the weird reaction is because many people wash their hair whilst showering.

I would hate to be having to be leaning overa sink so that someone else could wash my hair.

And no, I don´t go to hairdressers!

well unless she is a hairdresser and thus some kind of expert hair washer, tbh I find it a bit odd

"having your hair washed for you is far more relaxing than doing it yourself."

Well that´s your opinion.

I loathe it & don´t find it relaxing.