To feel saddened by this -what are we coming to

[nikos]

A couple we know wanted cash only for wedding presents, stated it in the wedding invite. Found that was not to my taste but did it anyway. Have now found out that they have said to the grandmother of their kids to just put money in the kids bank account for Christmas and buy 'a little gift' if they want. Is this a generational thing as this couple are in their mid twenties? I just find it all so grasping and sad and unmagical. Anyone else had this?

My parents put money into the DC's accounts and buy a very small gift. They are 4 and 2 and would love some plastic tat for 5 mins. The money will be MUCH more appreciated when they are 18 and heading out on their own. They get plenty of other pressies

Oh, and we had Trailfinders vouchers for our wedding. We moved 2 houses into one so no need for any 'stuff' of any kind. If we had asked for presents then we would have had to just give perfectly good stuff away (space constrained) or send it to landfill. A trip of a lifetime seemed more memorable to us

Sorry if my choices upset you, but each to their own. And if you don't want to give money then don't.

YANBU - it is grasping and a bit pointless IMO.

Maybe not for the wedding gift - I think most couples have a home full of stuff by the time they get married now, so cash is nice as they can put to a holiday or special purchase, but birthdays/xmas - it's just bit rubbish.

We already have a home full of toys Pinkie. Same argument. When they are old enough to 'know', then fair enough. But DD1 (4) will be just as happy with a £2 barbie phone as a £40 ELC contraption

See your point - when it's grandparents and they want to spend a lot money is a good alternative solution - personally I wouldn't ask for it though. Just offer it as an option if they wanted to spend, spend, spend.

It's so self centred though. Part of the giving is the pleasure that adults see when children unwrap a gift. To ask for money is crass. Just don't get this - just makes me think so much less of the people concerned.

But they still open a gift. And one they have asked for (see above example). It is just topped up so they have a nest egg in future. Win win, surely?

Why would you feel less of people who choose to help the future of their grandchildren, rather than line the pockets of money grabbing retailers?

I guess you either get it or you don't. £20 put into a bank account now will make not a bit of difference in 18 years time. Whereas a gift to the child is far more magical.

I hate giving money for gifts. Not even keen on vouchers. I relent for wedding gifts but won;t do it for birthdays and Christmas.

8y DD likes gifts to open rather than money.

I think yabu and a little bit harsh to call it crass. I remember as a kid getting money for xmas and birthdays and that was back in the 70s/80s so its not a generational thing.

I'm with Crispy that at the DCs current ages they're not bothered by the monetary value of something but they'll appreciate the money later. Biggest excitement last bday was for a £1.99 pack of Thomas stickers.

It may not be something you do, but it doesn't make it wrong.

My ds's bday party on Sat and he got showered in 20 quid notes, and only one present. He LOVED his present! I hate money gifts tbh, and especially for kids. It's lazy, and it IS unmagical. I would never ask for it, but if they have, what can you do? Not sure if it's generational as I am in my mid 30's so maybe I'm another generation.

YABU, I despair at the tidal wave of stuff that has hit the house since having the kids. Last year I asked for things that get used up - paper, stickers, crafty things. For those who wanted to give more than a tub of playdough (like my parents) the money went into a savings account for days out, ballet/rugby/music lessons (if wanted in future), bike etc.

PS. So I think YANBU

£20 to a student paying back £9k in loans will mean more to them than a plastic toy when they were aged 4, surely? And they had a toy to open too......

I'm finding it hard to muster up any sadness TBH. Hang on.

NNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHAAA.

Phew.

Nope. Couldn't even get to mildly indignant, sorry.

Mine comes from personal experience BTW. Money i was given for birthdays/Xmas gave me my deposit for my first flat and I could not have done without it. If your family is loaded and can help out with Uni fees/first house/car etc, but if not then it can make a BIG difference

I can understand not wanting house gifts when you already have been living together/have it all already. In that situation I would like to think that I would just say that 'your presence is more than enough'. When I married though we really needed whatever we were given to set up a home. And we were seriously grateful. I wouldn't have minded whether we were given money (would have been over the moon) - but we would never have thought of asking.

We went to a wedding where money towards the honeymoon was requested of all guests. We were seriously uncomfortable as embarrassed by how much was reasonable etc. In the end we gave far more than we would have spent on a present.

I have less of an issue with putting money into accounts for children. Sounds like a great idea. I agree that young children are typically over the moon with the cheapest stocking filler - even when more plush presents are given. The magic is created in a host of ways.

But asking for cash as wedding gifts - bad taste in my opinion. But I think right now anything goes. It seems to me that some people have no concerns over whether they cause offence or not. But considering other people's needs was what good manners was about. It's seems to be irrelevant today.. I sound like an old fart. I could be on that grumpy old women programme.

But not all children do like presents - my DS has been given so many things over the years by generous family and friends, obviously well chosen and thoughtful stuff as well as the usual plastic tat but he REALLY isn't interested in them very much; I would much rather people gave money so that he can save it towards something he really wants (usually expensive sporting equipment) - likewise I have finally realised that although I enjoy selecting and choosing things for nieces and nephews the reality is that I probably just don't get EXACTLY what they want so why waste my money and time - much easier all round to give money or agree with the mum EXACTLY what to buy.

Or do something with the child - ie: I would love a present that is an outing for example - that would mean spending quality time with DS.

muffin we said we didn't want presents, and prescence was enough (and we meant that), but were aware that some people would want to give stuff hence the trailfinders vouchers. After the trip we sent everyone a photobox compilation of pictures to show them what it had meant to us.

Oh, and i agree Ragwort - my children get overwhelmed with teh presents and have to have them spread out over a few days

I think it is nice for DCs to receive cash and probably more practical.

But it is for the giver to decide.

I don't think it is nice to tell someone what they should give.

I remember being utterly skint but was invited to an old friend's wedding. It cost me a fortune - flying 400 miles to get there, all the usual wedding stuff.

But what was truly awful was that I bought in advance, some reasonable Nigella kitchen stuff going cheap and thought that would make a good present. But when formal invite arrived it was 'money only'as a gift.

And so I had to write a cheque for my last £30. It was terrible - I felt I was insulting them by giving so little. I considered not going to the wedding at all but had bought my ticket. I cringe when I think about it and they haven't been in touch since (3 years ago)

So aski g for cash is unreasonable gor weddings. Especially when you are both 32.

But saving on your child's behalf - I think that's reasonable.

Also went yo a lovely wedding where they requested everyone bring a dish for the wedding meal'instead of a gift/money.

£20 will mean somehthing to a student paying back £9k - you're joking surely. It won't be worth anything in 18 years time. Asking for money is rude and could never bring myself to do it. And I am quite shocked when people do and I do ond i unmannered.

You put it in a savings account to nullify inflation (albeit that is pretty crap atm, i will grant you)

I don't ASK for money, just some people i know think it may be more useful in the long run

I understand the 15-20 yr olds preferring a 20 quid note from relatives in a card thing, but the exchange of cash is what always baffles me.

My inlaws just give 50 quid vouchers from amazon in exchange for 50 quid vouchers from monsoon from their other daughter / son. I'd rather have nothing. Its just so facile and dull.

Actually I'm happier with cast off books and clothes for my kids, saves bother all round.