To feel saddened by this -what are we coming to

[nikos]

A couple we know wanted cash only for wedding presents, stated it in the wedding invite. Found that was not to my taste but did it anyway. Have now found out that they have said to the grandmother of their kids to just put money in the kids bank account for Christmas and buy 'a little gift' if they want. Is this a generational thing as this couple are in their mid twenties? I just find it all so grasping and sad and unmagical. Anyone else had this?

Mmm my six year old has no concept of money though.
Would quite happily spend £10 on packets of sweets till it all goes (no, I wouldn't let him). Obviously I have said Granny's given you money in the bank but he couldn't care less.

However he can remember all the bits and bobs round his room and when and where he got them. Think that tells me he likes the presents more.

My BF daughter lives abroad and her whole family literally just swap gift vouchers. Pointless

hmm, its getting quite heated in here!

we are another couple who put two homes into one and then got married 2yrs later. we really really didn't need ten toasters and a couple of kettles. we made it very clear, via a cheesey poem in our invite , that we just wanted to see as many friends and family as possible. despite this we kept getting asked for our gift list. so, we asked for money towards our house (something major broke and we needed to fix it)

as for dc, i've never asked for money for them but despite this, they both have sizeable bank accounts. i agree with the others, they already have lots of toys and i'd much rather they had the money in the future.

Ohhh, I asked one set of my in laws if they minded just getting ds1 a token gift ( a small car, jigsaw puzzle or whatever) and give him some money towards his Annual Gold Card for our local zoo as he loves going there, but as it isn't due for renewal until early next year, the money will go in the bank. They were more than happy with this arrangement, I know roughly waht they spend on the grandchildren as they told me last year, so just thought rather than adding to the mountain of toys he already has and doesn't play with, they could pay towards getting him something he will love! I think it depends on how it is done, I made a point of saying towards not paying for and also said I hope I hadn't offended them, they said they were more than happy with the idea and will do the same for ds2 next year when he needs his first Gold card.

I think it is just a sign of modern times and people wanting to get what 'they' want and not have a lot of wasted, useless gifts - try and see it like that. I appreciate cash for my dc's as I know why they need and the grandparents don't mind at all as their gift goes to good use

lazylule.. money towards a entrance card is a great idea

I just could not say the words asking for money. Just find it amazing that people can make the request so easily. I would feel such a sense of disappointment for the giver, especially the older generation. They get such joy from seeing the delight on little ones faces.

If the children are too small to notice, then what is the problem? We've requested money before for under 3s.

I have 3 kids and people have been asking me what to get for my youngest. The boy has everything, access to a ton of books, heaps of handmedown clothes and I am trying to get rid of toys because we have too many, we get crafty things from the local Scrapstore. I don't like decorative, functionless items (unless handpicked by me - it's only decorative if you like it) and am rather passionate about landfill and waste minimisation. He will get plenty of fun presents from us that suit our household so a little token gift and cash would be ideal.

Well my parents did that for me. All presents from aunts, grandparents were cash and put in bank account, roll forward until I was 21 and I had deposit for a flat when I left university and was able to buy before house prices rocketed.

Re asking for cash on wedding invitations, I think this might be more about who/how many you are inviting. I'd be tempted to assume the couple just didn't speak to half their guests much (distant rellies etc) and were writing it down so nobody had to make that phonecall to ask.
Was true for me although we had an Argos list (classy huh?) - stupidly let my mum invite anyone she wanted so ILs did too. We went to Vegas on our honeymoon and slapped our heads because it would have been so much more us (eg shy and unsociable) to just elope and get married on our own.

We just have so much STUFF in our house that I can't bear the thought of Christmas bringing more shite in. The majority of which DD won't look at past Boxing Day.
Contributions to the CTF if one must.

I would never ask for cash, but MIL and SIL give cash/ cheques to the dc, which goes into their savings account. I don't mind- I have soo many toys here I am wibbling at the thought of the extra plastic that is going to make its way into the house over Christmas!

I think it it is incredibly RUDE to ask for cash as a wedding gift. People have given up their time to show that they care about you-isnt that enough?(if you cant afford stuff you want for your home or fancy honeymoon-tough!).
If people prefer to give kids cash then I wont refuse but neither would I DICTATE cash only. Am grateful for anything we get.

I agree with pink4.

The parents should save and then let everyone else have the pleasure of choosing the plastic tat for the children.
MIL has decided that's what she wants to do which suits me as i still get to be the good mummy buying the presents.

And i agree about wedding presents/cash we had nothing over £20 on our "list" and some people gave us vouchers, DH's work for example otherwise the money from the collection would have bought the entire list and that would have been embarrassing.

People who make a big deal about wanting to give things rather than cash are usually the sort of people who give you absolute shite that you don't want anyway. Or they bang on about the care and time and attention they put in to choosing the 'prefect gift' and it's either socks, bath oil or an actual 'Gift' from a Gift Shop ie a useless item that no one would ever choose to own, but which is only ever purchased to be inflicted on someone else.

Totally what Nikos and Pink4 said.

My eldest brother and his wife asked for us all to just put £5 in a card for each of their 4 children many years ago now and it's still ongoing for every birthday and Christmas. SIL said they were so fed up of receiving so much plastic tat and the house overflowing with pointless toys the kids played with for 5 minutes and then ignored, that they wanted the kids to put all the fivers together and buy one big thing from Toys R Us. I can see their point as my mum is a rather random gift buyer and also they have 3 Uncles and 1 Auntie so they got given a lot of gifts every time.

However I prefer my 2 children to have actual gifts and not money. I made that clear last Christmas and people still gave them money, so I had my 2 year old DD in tears on Boxing day as every adult was being given paper wrapped gifts and she'd just been given cards with money in. She didn't understand what the money was, even the following day when I took her to the shop to spend it, she was overwhelmed in there with all the toys and didn't get it at all. She prefers gifts to open. She does find it magical. So this year I'll be keeping a couple of gifts back to give at the family meet up so she doesn't feel left out.

Wow what an essay

And BabyBarrister's post just goes to show that no matter how you dress it up, cash requests really are as deeply grabbing, and 'me me me', as those of us who don't agree with it always suspected.