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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU with SIL

60 replies

canttakeitanymore · 10/11/2010 10:32

You probably will think I am being but you haven't put up with her for 6 years.

SIL is 16 and has "ADHD" I put that im quotes as i everyone knows she plays on it!

She is violent towards he mum and family in fact the other day she went for her Step D and when he pushed her away she called SS on him and her mum, and this isn't the first time she has done this.

She has threatened me with SS In the past because apparently i wouldn't let her see DS as much as she'd like.

TBH I think she has a bit of an obsession with DS!
I always let her come over to see DS and take him over to MIL's as much as i can.

But she always kicks off because they rest of the family see DS more that her!

In the past she has done some pretty horrific stuff, she made up a lie about DH a few years ago when DH was about 14-15 that could of got him in to ALOT of trouble tbh i dont even want to repeat it, but you can probably guess.

Anyway yesterday she phones me up having a go because i didnt bring DS over to see her on her birthday.
I didnt even think she was at home as she was away the previous day and i had no idea when she would be back.

She then had the cheek of saying that DH got payed the other day so why didnt we get her anything for her birthday, yeah he got payed but we had £700 rent arrears to pay!

Anyway i just told her to leave me alone and hung up.

TBH I don't want some1 that is so handy with the SS's number and doesn't care about the implications afterwards in my life, not to mention the other things she has done.

AIBU to never want me or DS to have anything to do with her again.

Sorry for the long post, i didn't another one and it was better but I deleted it all before i posted it Shock

Thanks for reading

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 10/11/2010 10:40

'Never' is a long time but you should certainly keep her at arms' length if she's a troublemaker. Wouldn't worry too much about her calling SS... people who cry wolf that often will not be taken seriously.

Her poor family!

Original poster
canttakeitanymore · 10/11/2010 10:46

Chil thank you so much for that post i was so sure that i was gonna get flamed

(I suppose the thread hasn't really started yet so I still could)

But anyway, i thought i would be told i was BU.

Yes i do really feel for her family, bil is always round ours as he cant cope with the screaming and rows and so on,
my other sil is sil quiet and i feel so sorry for her sometimes cause she doesnt get half the attention she deserves cus of her sisters behaviour being the focus all the time.

Not to mention MIL's depression because of all this!!

OP posts:
bealzebub · 10/11/2010 10:48

is she at school still?

or at colleague.

can you talk to her head of year aobut her behaviour.

bealzebub · 10/11/2010 10:50

is she under the care of anyone for her ADHD?
camhs for eg.

Chil1234 · 10/11/2010 10:51

Well if you do get flamed I'd be surprised. She sounds like a nightmare. If she's got ADHD or other mental health issues that mean she is violent is she getting help or is she supposed to take medication? Presumably SS and GPs etc. are aware of her?

VinegarTits · 10/11/2010 10:52

I dont know much about ADHD so dont know whether its possible for to 'play on it'

she obviously have behavioural issues, and i think treating her with contempt is only going to aggrivate her, and she obviously cares about your dc so i think YABU to let her have nothing to do with you or him again

Original poster
canttakeitanymore · 10/11/2010 10:53

I have no idea, bealzebub. I know that she see's some1 about once a month but i dont know what thats about i dont like to get involved really.
She was on some meds but she refuses to take them now.
AS I Said above everyone knows she plays on it, cus look all the things i have said you are no focusing on the ADHD as you think it is an excuse.

She is at college now, but she is supposed to be in her last year at school, but she got kicked out.

OP posts:
bealzebub · 10/11/2010 10:55

i am focusing on the adhd as she obivously has bheavioural issues and needs careful handling.

Original poster
canttakeitanymore · 10/11/2010 10:57

vinegar, its pritty obvoius how she plays on it, she acts like i complete bitch, but then says "Oh i cant help it, its my adhd!!

I had a very close friend at school who had adhd also and he admits he used to do this when he was younger aswell.

You say that it is only gonna aggrivate her but you havent had to put up with her shit for soo long!!!

btw i am not meaning to be shitting with people on hear its just as you can probley tell this subject gets me quite rilled.

So if i have a go just ignore it Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
canttakeitanymore · 10/11/2010 10:57

well she has issues I'll give you that !

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 10/11/2010 10:58

did you get her a birthday card at least?

bealzebub · 10/11/2010 10:59

how aobut a break from her, sounds like a good idea, tell her, behave yourself for X amount of time and then we will let you see ds?
she probably needs rules

flamingpants · 10/11/2010 11:00

How does your DH feel? It sounds like her family needs support as it is affecting everyone. She needs help. I certainly would not let her alone with your DS as she does not sound responsible enough or not in control enough not to do something stupid.

It sounds like a nightmare. Is anyone straight with her? what kind of support do they get? I think you all need help on this one.

SS won't be interested, too many calls and they'll know she's faking it.

Original poster
canttakeitanymore · 10/11/2010 11:02

Vinegar this is gonna sound harsh but no we didnt, i did mention it to DH but he didnt and tbh as i said above there is a bit of a history with dh and her that im not surprised.

Sorry being so vague about this but it is a very serious subject!

Bealzzebub i have done this before several times it just happens again and again, she doesnt learn from her mistakes.

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 10/11/2010 11:06

yes it does sound harsh and it sounds like she doesnt get a lot of support

she is 16 and still a child, you are an adult and need to be more supportive no matter how much you hate her

Original poster
canttakeitanymore · 10/11/2010 11:08

DH feels the same as me.

I used to invite her round to mine all the time but she always had to leave before DH came home from work, he doesnt want anything to do with her

OP posts:
Original poster
canttakeitanymore · 10/11/2010 11:10

I have tryed vinegar i dont think i can anymore, she has just worn me down, she does get help, i think she see's a counsiler and she doesn get support she just throws in back in peoples faces all the time.

Its mil i feel sorry for now, i really want to help her Sad

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 10/11/2010 11:10

she sounds like she really needs some help and some positive, supportive adults in her life

bealzebub · 10/11/2010 11:13

does her counsellor do family sessions?

Original poster
canttakeitanymore · 10/11/2010 11:14

You are making me out to be a right bitch now.

I have tryed but when she just throws it back in my face by calling SS on me trying to get "access" to ds.

I forgave her for that and tryed to start again, then she has ago a few months l8er saying that i should never of had a child with her brother if she cant have access.

then this yesterday i have litrally had enough of her constant shit that she chucks at us

OP posts:
Original poster
canttakeitanymore · 10/11/2010 11:15

not sure bealzebub

OP posts:
Original poster
canttakeitanymore · 10/11/2010 11:17

btw sorry to sound like a complete bitch, but love the way this has turned into a poor bloody sil thread!!

She doesnt help herself she throws other peoples help right back at them and is a complulisive lier.

Is it so wrong not to want my DS to be around that !

OP posts:
ShirleyKnot · 10/11/2010 11:19

I'm totally confused. Sad

bealzebub · 10/11/2010 11:20

er no, you and your mil need help with her. just some suggestions there.

Original poster
canttakeitanymore · 10/11/2010 11:22

sorry bealzebub thank you.

What are you confused about shirley?

OP posts:
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