DP being a complete and utter twat

[GenerallyPeedOff]

I've namechanged because all I seem to do on here lately is moan but DP is getting me down so much. His overall attitude just brings the mood of the entire house down. He's so bossy, whingy, grumpy, snappy, arsey - I just dread him coming home half the time.

The current big issue is the bathroom door. He said he wanted it closed AT ALL TIMES due to the cold weather. Fair enough but we're not perfect human beings and sometimes we all forget. So he wrote a huge note and cellotaped it to the bathroom door saying:

"MAKE SURE YOU SHUT THE DOOR AFTER USE AS IT IS NOW COLD WEATHER. KEEP DOOR CLOSED".

I mean ffs, way to go OTT. But still, we (me and the kids) forget now and again, especially when in a rush so he stands there and shouts "WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON IN THE BATHROOM??" and if anyone dare admit it, he stands there and frogmarches them back to the door so they can shut it. He had a huge go at DS this morning who was late for school so rushed out of the bathroom and forgot to close the retched door. I mean really, is it THAT important that we need to start screaming and shouting at a fucking KID about a bloody door??? If the kids don't admit to it, he'll look at me and say "were YOU the last person in the bathroom then??" I'm 30 ffs, not 8.

Another issue is the kids bedtimes. The kids share a bedroom and so when they go to bed at night there is a bit of talking - I can switch off to it but not DP, he sits there listening out for it and then starts fucking whinging "I CAN HEAR THEM!! THEY'RE TALKING AGAIN!!! YOU'RE GOING TO NEED TO GO AND SORT IT OUT!!!" like its a massive, huge deal. So everynight, after a stressful day I sit down to watch TV and DP INSISTS on stressing me out and interupting whatever I'm watching to moan about the talking coming from upstairs (paper thin ceiling/walls - its not as if they're shouting etc). He won't let me relax. God forbid I sit down and actually ENJOY an hour of TV.

So yeah basically he's stressing me out and I honestly feel like punching him tonight. So is it me??? is the bathroom door and its "note" so important??? is it the end of the world if the kids talk for half an hour when they go to bed???

He even whinged yesterday because DS asked me to pick him up a TOY with his own pocket money - DP reacted with "oh we don't want to be getting him that! I don't want that in the house, no way, can you imagine the noise??" FFS he's a kid, kids make noise.

He's really, really getting me down. The house is much happier and relaxed when he's out.

I am glad you have seen the light, good luck for today! Will you be able to move quickly or do you have to start an exit plan? Your children will be so proud of you and you will all be so much happier!!

Good luck GPO. You're making the right decision.

Wow, what a controlling arsehole. I don't know how you have coped so long with it but I can understand why you might have. I think people tend to turn a blind eye towards problems sometimes and often not even seeing things as a problem until it is catastrophic.

Pull the note down, leave the door open! It must be freezing in there when anyone wants to go and use the toilet or have a bath/shower!

I hope you do the right thing for yourself and the children. Are YOU planning on leaving with the children? Whose house is it?

He sounds very unhappy and is trying to drag everyone else down with him. I'm glad you've made the decision to get out of this situation before it gets any worse for you and your children. The very best of luck to you all.

Good luck op :)

Keep posting, we're here to offer you support as and when you need it. Please let us know how you get on.

Good luck GPO, and I hope that things go smoothly for you from now on. I think you have made a difficult decision, and you have my respect for making it - and your children are going to have a much happier life without this man in it.

{{hugs}}

Hope things go okay today. You are doing the right thing. My dad had a volatile temper and we grew up walking on eggshells some of the time. He's mellowed in his old age, but I know that feeling of tensing up, waiting for the explosion of rage.

I hear myself sounding a bit like my dad sometimes when I get annoyed and have to nip it in the bud. I'd hate for my DC to feel like that

Good luck

have no words of wisdom, but hope you are finding the strength to make the right choices for you and your kids today

i really think that there are a huge majority of men that should never get married and have children, they are just not cut out for it and spend their lives making themselves and everyone around them miserable

society encourages that we all hook up and live as family units, but there are alot of men who think they want this, but what they really want is sex on tap and food in the fridge - they can't handle the family choas that comes with it - thankfully there are lots of lovely men who thrive on it and are wonderful dads and partners

your one is not one of these nice blokes - he is the other type!

did you manage to start sorting things out op? hope all goes well for you.

Good luck GPO. Ignore the posters who are suggesting relationship counselling, it's a waste of time and effort when the problem in the relationship is that the man is a sexist bullying shitbag. Just get rid - and think! You need never see the horrible man again as he is not the DC's dad.

Oh SparklingExplosion if only it were that easy to get rid. Don't you think if that was the case the OP would be long gone? It's perhaps not so simple to disentangle yourself and your children overnight. And there's always two sides to every relationship problem. I'm not saying that GPO shouldn't leave, just that perhaps she owes it to herself, her children [how long have they been living with her OH, they may dislike his behaviour but may also find it traumatic to suddenly have him out of their lives permanently] and her partner [whom she may still care about on some level] to do this in a considered way. Otherwise leaving unresolved issues for any party will potentially store up problems for the future.

Have read a couple of pages and feel very sad for you all, OP.

Cut and run. He's not the kids father, and clearly doesn't want to try to be.

Don't inflict this tosser on them any longer, I bet they're more unhappy than you.

BM: Obviously there are practical problems to sort out (whether to move or whether she can throw him out) but it is a waste of time and effort trying to change a bully into a decent partner. Men like this fundamentally believe that their households should revolve around them, that women are there to meet their needs and that children should be controlled and kept out of sight. The children are likely to find it satisfactory to be rid of the bully, particularly when the explanation is 'We aren't living with him any more because he was horrible to us.'

Thinking of you OP, how was yesterday? Did you manage to make any decisions or an action plan? (((hug)))

Move on OP.

DP clearly has no control over your kids and he is taking this out on you.

You need a partner your kids respect, so they wont leave doors open and talk loudly to wind him up.