DP being a complete and utter twat

[GenerallyPeedOff]

I've namechanged because all I seem to do on here lately is moan but DP is getting me down so much. His overall attitude just brings the mood of the entire house down. He's so bossy, whingy, grumpy, snappy, arsey - I just dread him coming home half the time.

The current big issue is the bathroom door. He said he wanted it closed AT ALL TIMES due to the cold weather. Fair enough but we're not perfect human beings and sometimes we all forget. So he wrote a huge note and cellotaped it to the bathroom door saying:

"MAKE SURE YOU SHUT THE DOOR AFTER USE AS IT IS NOW COLD WEATHER. KEEP DOOR CLOSED".

I mean ffs, way to go OTT. But still, we (me and the kids) forget now and again, especially when in a rush so he stands there and shouts "WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON IN THE BATHROOM??" and if anyone dare admit it, he stands there and frogmarches them back to the door so they can shut it. He had a huge go at DS this morning who was late for school so rushed out of the bathroom and forgot to close the retched door. I mean really, is it THAT important that we need to start screaming and shouting at a fucking KID about a bloody door??? If the kids don't admit to it, he'll look at me and say "were YOU the last person in the bathroom then??" I'm 30 ffs, not 8.

Another issue is the kids bedtimes. The kids share a bedroom and so when they go to bed at night there is a bit of talking - I can switch off to it but not DP, he sits there listening out for it and then starts fucking whinging "I CAN HEAR THEM!! THEY'RE TALKING AGAIN!!! YOU'RE GOING TO NEED TO GO AND SORT IT OUT!!!" like its a massive, huge deal. So everynight, after a stressful day I sit down to watch TV and DP INSISTS on stressing me out and interupting whatever I'm watching to moan about the talking coming from upstairs (paper thin ceiling/walls - its not as if they're shouting etc). He won't let me relax. God forbid I sit down and actually ENJOY an hour of TV.

So yeah basically he's stressing me out and I honestly feel like punching him tonight. So is it me??? is the bathroom door and its "note" so important??? is it the end of the world if the kids talk for half an hour when they go to bed???

He even whinged yesterday because DS asked me to pick him up a TOY with his own pocket money - DP reacted with "oh we don't want to be getting him that! I don't want that in the house, no way, can you imagine the noise??" FFS he's a kid, kids make noise.

He's really, really getting me down. The house is much happier and relaxed when he's out.

AND you are not a whinge!!

Let us know how it goes tomorrow. Can you move soon (financially)?

OP, keep posting won't you

this is just the beginning for you really

how do you think he is going to react to you having this epiphany ?

I don't think he'll care to be honest. I think me and the kids are just a hindrance to his "quiet life" and he'll be glad to be back to ruling the roost when we've gone.

I'm going to get going to bed now, have to be up early in morning and now have a shit load of internet history to delete before I can turn off

I will keep posting and will let you know how it goes tomorow. Thanks so much for your help and advice, it is very much apreciated.

keep in touch x

Generallypeedoff, Bloody good on you!!!

You are doing the right thing :)

good luck. the kids will thank you for it.

there is no better feeling than sitting & relaxing with your kids in your own new home after leaving a controlling man.
Enjoy it, you all deserve it.

Have just sat and cried reading your thread op, was sad for your kids and how he is treating them, especially toastgate. And then I saw that you have seen the light, am so pleased for you. Sad that your relationship didn't work, but you have nothing to reproach yourself for.

Life is hard enough without cluttering it up further with these sorts of tossers. Hope it goes well getting shot.

I've also just rad the thread and I think you're doing the right thing too. Good luck :)

1. Take the bathroom door off the hinges.

1. Whack him over the head with it.

1. Leave the moaning useless fucker.

Havent got any pearls of wisdom OP, i just wanted to say that i wish you well, you sound so unhappy and so tense, whatever you decide to do i hope it all works out and you get the life you deserve

perfumedlife - @ toastgate!

GPO - please, please stick to your guns and walk out on this dickhead! You and your kids will be so much happier without him. You seem like a cool, funny, and above all NORMAL person from your posts - the problem definitely lies with him: the notice on the bathroom door is laughable - and you (and your kids) deserve a lot better. Good luck!

GPO
Make sure when you go that you leave the bathroom door open .

Seriously, best of luck, just imagine being able to sit on the kids beds with them eating toast and not be sitting tensed up trying to hurry the keys up whilst waiting to hear the key in the lock. Sometimes normality is bliss.

hurry the keys up?? WTF
try
hurry the kids up

So glad you are going to leave. He sounds EXACTLY like my step-dad who, incidentally, is a massive cunt.

oh yes, my father is total cunt too

Reading your thread made me sad as it reminded me what it was like growing up with my father who was incredibly irritable and controlling. Little petty things would set him off. My Mum colluded in this by walking on eggshells and refusing to confront his unreasonable behaviour, she is still with him and still complaining about him but says it is worth staying with him as she enjoys her status as a married woman

I wondered if you or your husband could consider relationship counselling? Not saying that this would necessarily change his behaviour or solve the problem per se but could allow both of you a space in which to explore the issues between you and make decisions about the relationship [which may involve working towards an amicable separation...?]. I wish my parents had done this, instead they battled it out in front of me of my brother with sarcasm and shouting and tears [from my mother]. But nothing was ever resolved and they are still together, still miserable and still periodically threatening leaving each other.

If both of you could commit to relationship counselling it would mean that both of you could work together on understanding what is going on between you away from the children. They do not need to be subjected to ongoing unresolved conflict, it will be having a detrimental effect on them ime. I am not saying this just to put the boot in because I think you know this already and it sounds as if you are considering what is best for them as well in all of this.

this has broken down he bullies you,belittles your children.pragmatically time to get some legal advice,re house,finances and children,benefits

tippy toeing around because of his temper and raising children with a controlling,embittered man is no way to live.he isnt a good influence and they shoudnt be exposed to his bullying

start to check out finances,etc.time to leave

and good luck

when dust settles also reflect what attracted you to such a man.how can you avoid his type again.think about triggers and cues in him and you and learn how to not make same mistakes/choices

scottishmummy speaks sense - avoiding the same mistake again is definitely something to think about. Just read this thread and very relieved that you're planning to leave!

I think your thread title should have read "DP is a complete and utter twat" and you've now realised this.

You're doing the right thing. My Mum waited until I was 21 to kick out my abusive, grumpy, violent, controlling nobend of a dad sperm donor and even now, 11 years on, I still resent her for it.

It's perhaps worse now that I have children as I cannot understand why she wouldn't have moved heaven and earth to protect us because there is nothing I wouldn't do for my children. There is no way I'd let it happen to them. No way at all.

Be strong. Remember that they need you to protect them and dump this twunt as fast as you can.

MY DH has glimmers of this.

I think YANBU at all, it is controlling and frankly offensive. My DH gets wound up by toys/noise/kids behaving like wallies (ie. like kids) but now I just stop him dead, he mutters and moans a bit, but has, finally, realised that we are "normal" not "perfect" and these petty minor matters have to just wash over us.

Your DH is behaving badly, he needs to realise that life is too short to worry about all this shit. Clearly, you have told him this - good for you. Stick to your guns. He needs to seriously get a grip!

Having been in your position, of sorts, I can report that it is possible to decontrol a control freak - to a certain extent anyway, but it hasn't been easy and he does still revert to type from time to time!!!!!

Op, what are you going to do??

Alot of good advice here on this thread

DH is like that with the talking in bed thing and getting me to run around after the dc all the time. Everyone who comes into our house has noticed it. Even young children. Although I had to laugh when dd1's 8yo friend turned around and told him "Do you actually do anything? My mum left my Dad because she said he was as much use to her as a soggy paper bag. He was like you. Her new boyfriend helps us all the time" (not a great thing to say to a child about her own father, though I must admit, but it was funny the way she repeated it to DH after he called me from the kitchen to tell me the dog had ran off with something)

It's been made worse now because he had just started AD's that have some pretty horrific side effects. The thing is I am struggling to be supportive or sypmathetic as you just know when he is actually ill or when he is trying it on. He is like the boy who cried wolf.

The only reason I have stuck around is because I can pin point when things started to go wrong and I know he depressed. Why are you still putting up with it?