DP being a complete and utter twat

[GenerallyPeedOff]

I've namechanged because all I seem to do on here lately is moan but DP is getting me down so much. His overall attitude just brings the mood of the entire house down. He's so bossy, whingy, grumpy, snappy, arsey - I just dread him coming home half the time.

The current big issue is the bathroom door. He said he wanted it closed AT ALL TIMES due to the cold weather. Fair enough but we're not perfect human beings and sometimes we all forget. So he wrote a huge note and cellotaped it to the bathroom door saying:

"MAKE SURE YOU SHUT THE DOOR AFTER USE AS IT IS NOW COLD WEATHER. KEEP DOOR CLOSED".

I mean ffs, way to go OTT. But still, we (me and the kids) forget now and again, especially when in a rush so he stands there and shouts "WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON IN THE BATHROOM??" and if anyone dare admit it, he stands there and frogmarches them back to the door so they can shut it. He had a huge go at DS this morning who was late for school so rushed out of the bathroom and forgot to close the retched door. I mean really, is it THAT important that we need to start screaming and shouting at a fucking KID about a bloody door??? If the kids don't admit to it, he'll look at me and say "were YOU the last person in the bathroom then??" I'm 30 ffs, not 8.

Another issue is the kids bedtimes. The kids share a bedroom and so when they go to bed at night there is a bit of talking - I can switch off to it but not DP, he sits there listening out for it and then starts fucking whinging "I CAN HEAR THEM!! THEY'RE TALKING AGAIN!!! YOU'RE GOING TO NEED TO GO AND SORT IT OUT!!!" like its a massive, huge deal. So everynight, after a stressful day I sit down to watch TV and DP INSISTS on stressing me out and interupting whatever I'm watching to moan about the talking coming from upstairs (paper thin ceiling/walls - its not as if they're shouting etc). He won't let me relax. God forbid I sit down and actually ENJOY an hour of TV.

So yeah basically he's stressing me out and I honestly feel like punching him tonight. So is it me??? is the bathroom door and its "note" so important??? is it the end of the world if the kids talk for half an hour when they go to bed???

He even whinged yesterday because DS asked me to pick him up a TOY with his own pocket money - DP reacted with "oh we don't want to be getting him that! I don't want that in the house, no way, can you imagine the noise??" FFS he's a kid, kids make noise.

He's really, really getting me down. The house is much happier and relaxed when he's out.

Its every part of our lives that he effects though IYSWIM? We go out for the day, the kids darnt ask for anything because he'll start slagging them off in ear shot. They can't talk in the car because he needs to "concentrate" (with loud shit music on like but still). Tonight DS asked for a slice of toast to take to bed - I had to rush him it before DP came home because I'm so concerned about starting up a riot.
Last night I was trying to dye my hair. I made up the mixture which was supposed to then be used straight away. So I get into the bathroom and DP shouts "DS has just run upstairs with a DVD!!" I'm like "yeah, and?" so he shouts "Bet he's taken an 18! you need to go and check!!" FFS I'm trying to dye my hair, I tell him I'm busy so he says in his best Hitler immitation "I'LL go and check!" so naturally I stop him and go and check myself (because he'll just make a mountain out of an pebble and upset DS for no reason). So I run upstairs. DS has no DVD. I go back down, lock myself in the bathroom and DP shouts through the door "which one did he take??" I said "he didn't take ANY!" so he shouts "oh he did!!! he must be hiding it! you need to make sure its not an 18!" so again, I'm hauled back out of the bathroom - all the time my hair dye is going to pot - to check on a fictional DVD that DP has become obsessed with the possibility of it being an 18. It was almost as if he was hoping it WAS an 18 just so he could have a go about it.

The kids are not his. Can you tell?

OP...show him this thread

Why is your bathroom cold???? When I get out of the shower I do not want the bathroom to be cold!!!!

I love your 3 ghosts portrayal, he is definatley being a knob!

dh is a moaner about noises off. apparently some male brains can't cope with it. he, your dp, needs to take responsibility and do something about it, headphones, music in another room or go out(to the shed?)

Oh and as for the behaviour on days out and the toast? I would do as AF says, if he doesn't shape up its over, my kids come 1st. Hope you are ok.

This is so sad OP.

The way he's treating your kids is horrible. He is trying to invent problems with them where none exist. Please don't let him carry on. He will ruin their self-esteem.

Actually on reading more of your posts GPO, it doesn't sound like my DH's behaviour.

It sounds terribly controlling. What do the children think about him, does he sometimes get on with them, or is it always very tense?

"some" male brains can't cope with not being the big man, either

boss in their own house

it's bollocks, and should be challenged vociferously

if you can't do that, you need to get out because you are in an abusive relationship

"intolerance to noise" ?..it's just another way of saying "inadequate control freak"

put your kids first. he doesn't sound worth it. do you really want your children to live in fear of being shouted at? hope you sort it out.

WTF?!
You had to rush a piece of toast to YOUR OWN SON, as to not cause a riot!?

Thats fucked up lady, a piece of toast!

Yup. Sounds like he really likes them - not. Bet the feeling is mutual.

Why on earth are you letting this arsehole anywhere near your kids?? They aren't going to thank you for it you know.

Please stick up for yourself and your kids. I feel so sad for your children. He has no right to do this. Why are you with him?

Sorry, I do not mean to be harsh, I just read the bit about your DCs not being his and it all clicked into place.

There not his kids? Well FFS why on earth are you allowing this?

Are you -and the dcs- scared of him?

Fuck it, i wouldn't even let him kip in the shed!
Get rid, you and your kids well and truely don't deserve that.

Not that it's acceptable if theye are his kids but you can't even use the reasoning of he's their father they love him.

Sad to say, but yes, it was clear the kids aren't his. Mind you, that's both what he says and your reaction to it.

I know it's easy to say to other people, but honestly, I would be telling him to fuck off - I would not be living like this and I would not allow my kids to be living like this.

This is going to sound sappy I know - but we are all here for you, you know. You don't need to name change and we will be here if you stay or if you do leave him. You have to do something....

I don't think you are being fair to your children by having him in their lives. What do they get out of it?

af agreed just cos noise may be a problem to him gives him no right to throw his weight around. sort himself out or leave. it is crap living with a time bomb that might go off at any time. do you want your ds to think it ok to behave like this or a dd to think it is ok to put up with this behaviour? could lead to serious problems for children later if this continues.

actually, love, I'm losing sympathy for you

why are you subjecting your kids to this abuse ?

he is perpetrating it, but by you rushing around to appease him and deliver secret pieces of toast "to avoid a riot" you are colluding with it

do you think your kids don't know that ?

do your children like him ?

He sounds very like my FIL. MY DP had a very unhappy childhood because of a man just like this.

TBH I think you'd be better off without this man in your lives. It isn't fair on your children, nobody is happy.

no right? der