DP being a complete and utter twat

[GenerallyPeedOff]

I've namechanged because all I seem to do on here lately is moan but DP is getting me down so much. His overall attitude just brings the mood of the entire house down. He's so bossy, whingy, grumpy, snappy, arsey - I just dread him coming home half the time.

The current big issue is the bathroom door. He said he wanted it closed AT ALL TIMES due to the cold weather. Fair enough but we're not perfect human beings and sometimes we all forget. So he wrote a huge note and cellotaped it to the bathroom door saying:

"MAKE SURE YOU SHUT THE DOOR AFTER USE AS IT IS NOW COLD WEATHER. KEEP DOOR CLOSED".

I mean ffs, way to go OTT. But still, we (me and the kids) forget now and again, especially when in a rush so he stands there and shouts "WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON IN THE BATHROOM??" and if anyone dare admit it, he stands there and frogmarches them back to the door so they can shut it. He had a huge go at DS this morning who was late for school so rushed out of the bathroom and forgot to close the retched door. I mean really, is it THAT important that we need to start screaming and shouting at a fucking KID about a bloody door??? If the kids don't admit to it, he'll look at me and say "were YOU the last person in the bathroom then??" I'm 30 ffs, not 8.

Another issue is the kids bedtimes. The kids share a bedroom and so when they go to bed at night there is a bit of talking - I can switch off to it but not DP, he sits there listening out for it and then starts fucking whinging "I CAN HEAR THEM!! THEY'RE TALKING AGAIN!!! YOU'RE GOING TO NEED TO GO AND SORT IT OUT!!!" like its a massive, huge deal. So everynight, after a stressful day I sit down to watch TV and DP INSISTS on stressing me out and interupting whatever I'm watching to moan about the talking coming from upstairs (paper thin ceiling/walls - its not as if they're shouting etc). He won't let me relax. God forbid I sit down and actually ENJOY an hour of TV.

So yeah basically he's stressing me out and I honestly feel like punching him tonight. So is it me??? is the bathroom door and its "note" so important??? is it the end of the world if the kids talk for half an hour when they go to bed???

He even whinged yesterday because DS asked me to pick him up a TOY with his own pocket money - DP reacted with "oh we don't want to be getting him that! I don't want that in the house, no way, can you imagine the noise??" FFS he's a kid, kids make noise.

He's really, really getting me down. The house is much happier and relaxed when he's out.

could

I was going to do a similar thread, no note but a missing wallet that he was last with and it was on fireplace and one of dd's must have touched it (2yo and 7mo and not that tall) so now tearing their toybox apart!! This is a thrice weekly argument!

BUT is your DP always like this or is there anything stressing him out, work etc?

My DP's trigger is work, he works long hours for not a lot of pay but he chose to quit a job that paid a lot more for less hours but he HATED it. I supported him and allowed him to change jobs but I had to read the riot act and tell him I was fed up with his moaning etc and they we were all suffering through his choices and that we were supporting him so the least he could do was make the time at home quality time.

Might your DP have factors that can be changed/addresses?

If not and he is just a whinge then give him a good slap or show him the door!

shut bathroom doors causes more damp & condensation. Mirror his strops saying you want it open, frog march him etc.

serious control issues. Sounds like he needs to boss people about for his own gratification. Worrying. Tell him to see a doc about anxiety / stress. Surely he doesn't want to be like this. He must have been fun at some point?

is he ex-military ?

trying to keep you all ship-shape in the garrison ?

he deserves to be laughed at, tbh...he sounds pathetic

has he a tiny dick ?

there are some special hinges that make the door shut 'all on its own.' perhaps he could fit them to help.

fit one of those hinges to his cakehole

job done

Oh he was fun at first. If I think back hard enough I can remember slight glimpses of fun back in the day but now he's a totally boring person. It's just whinge whinge, strop strop, nag, nag - and he's not even 40 yet.

Can't think of anything that has changed that could be stressing him out, he's turned like this gradually but there has always been an issue of control with him. I must admit.

Our dcs also share a room and we love it when we hear them chatting and giggling.

Your DH sounds boring and joyless- i cant stand joyless people.

I feel sad for you and your dcs, you have to seriousely talk to him about it.

generally i think you need to lay your cards on teh table and say teh time has come where he needs to adress his issues for teh sake of your marriage and your chidlren.

I would tell him to Fuck Off and I would mean it. He sounds like a miserable bloody wanker and life is hard enough without having to deal with him as well.

Grow up or get out.

If you are heating a whole house, a bathroom is nothing (unless you have an open window in there) - but really, that's all by-the-by - he's treating all of you horribly and I wouldn't put up with it.

PS: Please name change back. Whinging under another name doesn't make it less whinging (LOL your first line made me laugh) and I like to know 'who' I'm talking to - you get a better 'over-all' picture - besides, we're your friends, you are allowed to whinge to us as often as you want to!! x

Not ex millitary, just a long list of failures. Failed jobs, redundancies, divorce - I can TOTALLY see why the divorce thing happened. Yes I now sound like a bitch but I'm sick of him feeling sorry for himself and taking it all out on me and the kids.

YANBU. His behaviour is odd. Is he your children's dad?

i remember as a young child my aunt babysat me and my sister. we shared and we had always chatted and giggled, mum never stopped us. my aunt roared at us for it and i remember thinking, "you don't like children, why are you here?" does your husband not like his children? or you for that matter?

AF i think a zip and padlock would be better and hide the key.

has he said what it is exactly about the bathroom door being open that is the problem?

you do not sound like a bitch at all

Serious control issues indeed. My grandfather used to have similar fixations (or so I'm told by my mother), I still find the bathroom door really

The bathroom door?!

We have this too! For some reason our upstairs bathroom is freezing cold in winter.

Not that we have any rules about the door, just chimed with me.

You are wrong about kids not being perfect. Kids talking in their room at night before the go off to sleep is delightful. Their noisy, forgetful, irrepressible rascaliness is all part of their perfection.

It's actually kind of sad that you've been reduced to making excuses for them being quite sweet. Talking before they go to sleep is lovely. It's why sharing a room with siblings is so great when you're little.

Well done for putting him straight.

If he is like this a lot, what are you going to do about it?

Has he always been like this GPO?

If it's new then as others have said could well be stress making him behave oddly.

Probably way off beam here but my DH has Aspergers and he gets very obsessed with rules that he has invented, and the idea that they are being broken, and what you describe rang a bit of a bell. But because he knows he has a problem, in some ways its easier to explain to him that what he's doing isn't acceptable.

You dont sound like a bitch

You should be able to relax and laugh in your own home ffs.

No, you don't sound like a bitch at all.

He's a controlling bully. Whatever his problem is, it's not on for the children and you to pussy foot around him. Very damaging for the kids to learn that you have to appease bullies and that it's OK for their father to behave like this.

He needs to sort his shit out or get out altogether. He must NOT carry on like this.

You do not sound like a bitch at all - I agree that it's easy to see how the divorce came to be!

Dh goes through phases of being like this - his latest thing is getting shouty if me & DCs talk or laugh too much while we're eating our tea - I have no answers I'm afraid. Dh is a lot worse when he has a genuine problem, usually at work. He doesn't talk about it but takes out his general bad mood on us. Could this be the case with your Dp, OP?

It's so wearing, isn't it? Makes you lose the will to live, having to deal with constant whining. At least with toddlers you can tell yourself that they'll grow out of it, when it's an adult what can you do?