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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get DD a white poppy to wear at a remembrance service?

960 replies

GallumDrawnAndQuartered · 03/11/2010 16:23

She is 14 and has been selected by the school to represent her house at their service.

DD is vehemently pacifist and anti-war.

Rather than her get in trouble for refusing to go (which is what she is planning on doing) would it be unreasonable for her to go but to wear a white poppy instead of a red one?

OP posts:
Appletrees · 03/11/2010 21:11

Wow, now you're talking rubbish between yourselves.

Appletrees · 03/11/2010 21:12

Ho dear that wasn't for you cat. It was directed at the psychoanalysis of the poor soldiers ...

catinthehat2 · 03/11/2010 21:12

"The kids who join have spent their whole lives in a culture which glorifies war."

I think you're my new favourite comedy posterGrin

Go on, give us a big cuddly hug!

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 03/11/2010 21:12

Oh - you can join in Appletrees :)

Oh wait - you already have.

catinthehat2 · 03/11/2010 21:13

Appletrees, go on, give lovely cuddly Earwig a big hug as well.

catholicatheist · 03/11/2010 21:15

I have two cousins in the armed forces and I feel very sorry for them. They did it to get out of shitty families and have very little understanding of Britain's position in a global and diplomatic context..lambs to the slaughter.

If people really did give a shit about these kids then encourage them to go and get their legs blown off with all kinds of 'help for heroes' and such nonsense then maybe a few would think twice!

catinthehat2 · 03/11/2010 21:15

Oh, she's run away.
Sad

TheFallenMadonna · 03/11/2010 21:19

Is it a school service? Are there any services families in the school? There are lots of services families in my school, children with parents absent in a war zone, and I think this would upset (rather than offend) those students. They are not making a political point with their red poppies. They are not passing a comment on the ligitimacy of any current conflicts. They are thinking of their own parents and their daily fears for them, and the people they know who have been killed. In my school, I think the white poppy would be more of a political statement than the red one for that reason.

TheYearOfTheCat · 03/11/2010 21:20

I've read only the first few pages, but I agree with almost everyone else here - if she can't attend without making a statement or causing offence, then she should ask to be excused.

Just reading this thread brings back vivid memories which move me to tears even now - like every other child in the UK, I grew up learning the history of the WWs, and they were just that - a fairly meaningless history lesson. About 15 years ago I was honoured to represent my organisation on Remembrance Sunday. I will never, ever forget the grief and trauma that I witnessed in the faces of the veterans. The sight of 90 year old men openly weeping when remembering the horrors they went through will never leave me.

Whilst I respect the OP's DD's views on pacificm, this is not the time to make a statement.

Heracles - your posts are bizarre, and not in a good way. Hmm

TheFallenMadonna · 03/11/2010 21:20

legitimacy

piscesmoon · 03/11/2010 21:20

'I agree with Piscesmoon - your daughter should do a bit more reading on this topic. If she is intelligent and mature enough to decide to take a different stance to her school's official line, she is mature enough to educate herself fully as to the meaning and significance of the poppy.'

I would just point her in the way of things to read and leave it up to her. I was passionate about things as a teenager and some of my views would make me cringe now! However I think that it is good that she has an opinion. She will also hear the opposite at school. I can remember the topic coming up when I was at school and there were passionate views on both sides-the same as on here and I bet some have changed their minds in later years-both ways.

Appletrees · 03/11/2010 21:21

Elephants - you mean you agree with the implication that members of the armed forces are too stupid to do anything else and joined up because they were reared on the glory of war .. or do you, like me, think it's tosh from to to bottom?

earwicga · 03/11/2010 21:21

I accept all hugs. Even from rude cats.

earwicga · 03/11/2010 21:23

'you mean you agree with the implication that members of the armed forces are too stupid to do anything else and joined up because they were reared on the glory of war'

Lordy - that isn't what I said or think at all!

Dracschick · 03/11/2010 21:24

I think she should step down.
She should explain to her head of year her reasoning and the privilege should go to another student.

I hadnt even heard of the white poppy?

For me the poppy respresents the blood shed for our country - respect!.
.

Appletrees · 03/11/2010 21:25

Catholic did. You said they were reared on the glory of war.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 03/11/2010 21:26

Well I think people join the forces for all kinds of reasons. Some because they need the money and aren't qualified to do anything else. Some because they are full of energy/testosterone and want to put it to good use. Some because it's a family tradition. Some because they believe the British Army does good work around the world. Some just because they want to leave home.

So...in some cases "they are too stupid to do anything else" if by "stupid" we're using the wholly inaccurate measure of GCSE results. DP thought seriously about joining the army because he had an unhappy home life and poor results (dyslexic). But my closest friend in the army is there because he believes in its work and wants to be a peacekeeper (yeah I roll my eyes at him sometimes).

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 03/11/2010 21:29

Sorry - were you hoping for something more off the cuff? :o

Guacamole · 03/11/2010 21:30

catholicatheist

How dare you!

"You join the forces these days and you know your going to be fighting in a pointless war about dominance, greed or oil."

You join the forces to serve/defend your country, to make a difference.

I take it you have never joined/served in the forces and therefore don't understand/are unable to contemplate the reason many young men and women do.

"So I personally refuse to call all soldiers heroes."

Soldiers who serve/are injured/die in the service of their country IMO ARE heroes.

"Most of them join as with their skill set/education they are highly unlikely to find a better paid carer."

Bog off! You have no idea what you are talking about. To imply that most of them are lacking in skills or education quite honestly disgusts me.

GailFawkes · 03/11/2010 21:31

Wow - as a retired member of the RAF - that's pretty insulting!

earwicga · 03/11/2010 21:33

Appletrees - what do you think the purpose of the HM Armed Forces toy brand is?

Appletrees · 03/11/2010 21:33

Isorry what do you mean?

Of course people join the forces for for all sorts of reasons. To suggest they are all there because they can't do anything else is just rubbish. Or that they've all been reared on the glory of war.

I mean how can you take anyone seriously who thinks that.

herbietea · 03/11/2010 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Appletrees · 03/11/2010 21:35

So anyone in the forces is only tete because they played toy soldiers?

Go on.

owlicecream · 03/11/2010 21:36

Poor show.
Great to be vehemently pacifist and antiwar when your life and liberty (or your family's) has never been at risk.
Turn down the offer graciously and with respect, and let another child be chosen