to think that many SAHMs/part-time workers would have chosen differently with the benefit of hindsight?

[working9while5]

Just a thought, have come across this on another forum and wondering how it applies to me.

I have just the one dc. Originally, I was desperate to be a SAHM but grudgingly decided to go back p/t but cut it back to the bare, bare minimum (2 days a week).

A few months down the line, if I am honest I am wondering how much my decision was framed by having a small, non-mobile baby and enjoying lunches with friends and Summer walks. As the hormones/baby shock wears off, I do wonder why I am not going back to work 3 or even 4 days.. and if my thinking was very short-term.

Unfortunately, I effectively "gave away" the bulk of my permanent, public sector job and there is a job freeze in my area. So, my (hormonally-driven? rose-tinted?) decision, while not final, is not so easy to go back on. I am studying for a postgrad too, so it's not the end of the world.. but it has made me think.

I wondered what mothers who are much further down the line think with the benefit of hindsight? Was that initial decision the right one for you, or was it influenced by newbabyitis?

it was absolutely right for me
i feel very lucky to be able to stay at home and look after my children myself.
i would hate to have to put them in nursery or have anyone else looking after them all the time.

i want to bring my children up myself, not have someone else do it for me while i slave away for someone else's benefit.

i love being a SAHM

And how far down the line are you? Do you have any regrets at all with reference to the long-term plan for yourself?

I know it's a lot to ask of AIBU but it would be great if this could be an honest thread without the usual polemics of SAHM/WOHM e.g. Corporate Career Bitch vs Precious Moments Mama.

Surely everyone can think of pros and cons to whatever it is they have chosen for themselves?

That's interesting. You sound like me! There is some truth in what you say but it will be different for some women. I loved the country walks with a baby in a sling and the coffee shop visits with friends. Looking after a toddler 24/7, or a toddler and a baby is a very different experience to looking after a single baby.

I didn't want to go back to work but I needed to from a financial / career point of view, and now several years down the line I am glad that I did. Work gives me a break from the children and our house is much more stable financially.

Well, my dc's are 5 - 10 yrs, and have another on the way.

I worked P/T until having dc3, then became a sahm until he was old enough to go to the local playgroup a couple of mornings a week, then I started working when he was at playgroup.

I suppose the decision will be different for everyone, and being a sahm isn't for everyone, just as being a working mum isn't for everyone.

I don't regret giving up my fairly well paid job to be at home with my dc's, and if I had my time again, I would do exactly the same.

For me I am delighted that I spent those juicy baby years with each of mine. I'm not sure I'll regret it as I don't think you can do both. In order to have a great career I think you either have to be very established before dcs, which means the risk with fertility or when you're very young so you have the energy for everything!!

I have started a couple of businesses to keep me occupied.

Your dilemma only exists because you had the luxury of choice. You had various options available at the time whereas far more of us have no choice in the matter. We had to return to work. Therefore regrets, hindsight & 'what ifs' belong in the 'spilt milk: crying over' bracket and are not useful in the slightest.

yes sorry forget to mention ages

my eldest is 5.5 and in year 1, I then have a 3 yr old and an 18 month old at home

to be honest i was in a job i hated before i became pregnant.
i went back 1 day a week after having ds1 but stopped completely after ds2.

I plan on retraining once my youngest is in school

I've always worked p/t , would like to have been SAHM but as a single parent for a long time I had no option. Currently enjoying mat leave & would like the chance to do baby groups etc but am quite happy that eventually I have to go back to work as 2 1/2 days is not a bad balance

Its right for me, 9 years on.

I will go back to work in a couple of years when the youngest is in full time school, but I will temp during term time so won't resume my career.

My career was never that important to me and I don't want to get embroiled in the workplace again.

A lot also has to do with DHs job which takes him away much of the time so it falls to me to the be the consistent parent, which is what we decided way back when.

Only speaking for myself, my children are my priority, if I'd have enjoyed my career more things may have been different.

I respect, sometimes envy, the WOHM who has the other aspect to her life which isn't house and home. I think there are massive benefits, aside from money. But my life, with 4 young children and a partner who works away wasn't planned to work like that, and I don't have any sense of loss.

If you had no choice, I can see why it's not worth talking about so obviously this is about the choice.

YANBU I have been very fortunate to retain my job and career. Since having my DS2 in 2009 I have cut back my hours but because of what I do this hasn't affected by status within the organisation and will mean that when I am ready to move back to a full time position I will be able to. Having said that I am seriously thinking about moving jobs at this point as I have been with this company for 8 years and it is probably time for a change.

I suppose I feel that I do enjoy my job, but the "career ladder" thing isn't that important.. I am where I will be in my career (just under management level.. not really wanting to be a manager).

It's the money, really. I think it will be really tight when we have more than one dc and I wonder if it's been a bit selfish of me to choose as I have because I want to spend time with my kids. We are in a very small house in an area that's not so great. Not a big deal right now, but when the dc are at school etc, I wonder if they will wish we had more money.

Am a part time worker out of necessity since I couldn't manage the workload on full-time with small children (f/t means working evenings and 4-5 hours at the weekend)

Once I get to pensionable age I might rue it a bit, but don't think I'll ever regret the time with the dcs.

You should try having no choice. You should also try having to work through the summer holidays when your older kids are bored and lonely and resent you not being there. Even now when my kids are 14 and 11 I still resent not having spent more time with them over the years. I'd give everything I have to wind back time and do things differently.

Circumstances meant that I went back to work after 6 months mat leave with dd1. I spent 6 months in work but hated it, gave up to be a sahm when dd1 was a year old. That was over 5 years ago now and was absolutely the right decision for me but I'm glad I did go back for that 6 months to 'test the waters'.

Part time works perfectly for me. I have my own business and work 3 days a week. DD1 is 4.5 and DD2 is 8 months so I have just started back. For me, I get the best of both worlds and wouldn't have chosen it any other way.

However, I have the luxury of working for myself so can increase or decrease my hours depending on circumstances (within reason, there are financial implications obviously).

I have been a sahm for 6 years I don't regret at all. I know that i am not going to have a glittering career but tbh I don't want that, i never have.
I am now self employed with my husband we run a web development business, I started off doing mostly admin but my husband has been training me and i have been reading reading reading to develop my skills in the actual development so I am taking on more of the actual work rather than paperwork.

Even without that i wouldn't regret it. I'm mot going to lie and say that sometimes i don't wonder abbot going to work but it doesn't upset me.

Becoming a SAHM is a terrible shock to the system. I am glad I am one and we have made a lot of financial sacrifices so that I could be at home with my children whilst they are small. Personally I feel that you can pay someone to look after your kids but you can't pay someone to love them. I guess it is different for people who have got lovely grandparents to look after their children but we didn't have that option.

Being a SAHM is bloody hard. No one thanks you for the work and sacrifices you make. No one tells you you're doing a good job. I found that people were much more dismissive of me as a SAHM than when I identified myself in my former profession. It is often lonely, boring and unglamourous and I feel some envy for friends who are doing exciting things at work as well as earning MONEY - not so much sitting around drinking lattes for me!

...however, I know that I have done the right thing in being home with my children. The confidence they have gained from never being pushed away, left somewhere they didn't want to be has done them wonders. They are both loud, friendly and bright and yes they may have turned out like that anyway but it feels good to me that I know I was the main person who helped them to become like that.

Saying that, I do know a couple who were earning roughly similar salaries and they each worked half the week and looked after their child the other half. I thought that this was a totally excellent idea as they were both able to have a great relationship with their child whilst maintaining good careers. DH and I were on very similar pay when we had DS1 and I regret that we didn't do something similar. It's too late for us to do it now as he now earns considerably more than I do. Anyway, maybe it is something to consider...

To be fair op you don't have that much hindsight you may find part time really useful when dc starts school which unlike childcare doesn't cater too well for working parents. I am studying ATM and much as Iobe it feel guilty anoit my two year old in nursery in my uni term time. The grass is always greener I suppose!

I dont think I'm going to have any hindsight in that I got out of my last job just at the right time for me regardless of whether I had children or not and if I were to return to work it would be after studying and retraining in something completely different.

Regarding a bit of child-free time, I dont have any qualms throwing some money at the problem in the meantime - I had a nanny for a while (not full time or anything like that) to give me the option to pop out on my own when my youngest was very young and now she's a little older she does 1 x 6 hour day at nursery a week whilst my other is at preschool so I have one day I can "do stuff".

This will increase as she gets older and starts preschool and my son starts school.

I have been browsing around contemplating potential courses and careers. Nothing truly grabs me yet. There is a business opportunity on the horizon I might pursue.

So no hindsight for me at this stage, but I dont think I'll ever regret "giving away" the job I had when I went on maternity leave (or, in fact, when I resigned, technically).

I think the atmosphere in the public sector right now goes a long way to explain why you're feeling a bit about only being PT.

IMO part time workers often get the worst of both worlds, in that their hours might be trimmed but the outputs they're expected to achieve aren't scaled down accordingly. Umm, that's by the by though really. I'm waffling.

If you do decide to work more, have you thought about applying for a post within another government department?

Yes - I regret giving up work; when I had my DS our financial situation was very different, DH was in a VERY well paid job, life was easy, I did enjoy being at home (did a lot of volunteer work so I 'used my brain' as the expression goes). However, over 10 years our situation has changed dramatically, DH is earning much, much less - I now find that I am virtually unemployable (mid 50s) - and life is considerably harder. I would never recommend anyone gives up their work, it is not easy to get back into the job market, especially in the current economic climate. I also find it difficult being financially dependent on my DH - I would be in a very difficult position if we split up. It's not to say that I didn't enjoy being at home when my DS was young - I did - but had I known how things might change I would have made a different choice. You never know what the future holds.

I envy my DH a lot. He advances his career, mixes with adults (of both genders), goes out for lunch, drives, earns money, has a pension. Whereas I sit at home with my boobs out, watching the clock and going to one baby group (full of women) per week. I don't have any money or understand exactily what money DH has. I wear clothes from eBay. It's miserable tbh.

We decided that I would conceive when I graduated. So I've never really had a job. I'm considering finding one in a few months but with the recession I probably don't have a hope in hell.