to think that my oh is being an idiot over my friends wedding?

[doublechocchip]

Just after some opinions really, it started when one of my best mates invited me and not oh to her wedding earlier in the year. There was 8 of us who were all from uni going and to make it fair she invited nobodys partners even though some of the girls were engaged and me and oh have children.

Well oh took major offence at this and now will only slag her off all the time, doesnt want her in the house, and it causes a lot of arguments as we just cant see each others point of view! He has only met her a couple of times so it wasnt like they were close either!

Its all just so infuriating because although I wouldnt have done it, it was HER wedding day and therefore can do what she wants and invite who she wants and more importantly who they could afford to. He feels like I chose her over him?? I see her only about twice a year as she lives so far away and it was a lovely break away with all my uni friends.

The thing is he would have hated going anyway as if she had invited all the partners they would have had to have made small talk, he doesnt drink and would have been bored but he doesnt acknowledge any of this he just thinks she doesnt take our relationship seriosly which is rubbish - they just couldnt afford everybody! She invited all the partners to the evening do but as it was far away obv none of them came.

What do you all think? Who is being unreasonable? Should I not have gone to the wedding in principle and 'chose' him over her?

That poor man. Why does nobody think of the children?

Your husband needs to grow up frankly. Why would anyone give a place to someones partner instead of one of their own friends (I'm assuming limited numbers here)? I don't see it as insulting to only invite one member of a couple at all, presumably they are still individual people! Couples don't have to do everything together, and if the person in question doesn't know your partner well then I see no reason to invite them.

A nod to classic Hully on this thread.

That was a compliment. I love your work.

It was very rude of your friend to have excluded your partner like that. It hurt his feelings and you don't care.

Nice.

I also don't see why he should "suck it up"

if someone treated me so rudely (not that DH or I would attend a wedding with such an invitation) I would not be prepared to host them in my home afterwards.

If your oh is too expensive for her wedding, and she only wants a relationship with you, then presumably she doesn't expect to be welcomed as a guest in his home.

Your friend's partner is not just "someone you don't know"

YANBU

Different if your friend had invited all the other partners but not yours.

Its just down to cost isn't it? My DH would be overjoyed not to have to go and make small talk with a bunch of strangers.

Suprised by how many people on here think he should have been invited! Clearly these are the people who can afford to invite hundreds to their wedding!

If the poor woman oculd only invite so many people because she had to invite a load of people she doesn't know and who won't care about her wedding people like uni friends that she doesn't see loads would probably not even have been invited because the wedding would have been huge and bloated!

Honestly get a grip. If they were both very good friends with the woman it would have been differant.

Would all of you want to go to a wedding where you didn't know anyone? and your partener couldn't enjoy himself and mingle because he was baby sitting you?

Also if the wedding wasn't very close and they were both invited wouldn't she have to bring her kids? NOt everyone can arrange a sitter for days. But I suppose if she didn't invite kids you'd all say she was being a bitch for that too.

Hully I agree. No-one is thinking of the children. You are all victims.

I invited 40 people to my wedding feast, because that's what we could afford at the time.
More came to the evening do, the band were friends too poor to give us a wedding present, so they gave music.
I think he is BU, he was invited to part of it but chose not to go. And now he should let it go, sulking won't change what happened.
The real question is, what will you do next time OP?

Oh, my entire wedding cost £1,500. Which was around 3 months salary at the time.

Stewie in similar circumstances I would not ever be carrying on as though the insult hadn't happened unless I got an apology.

Also if the incident made me aware that I had children with someone who didn't care about insults to me it would give me pause about my relationship.

Just saw the bit about the fake evening invitations. Jesus, this woman needs some serious lessons in basic manners.

There are better ways around not being able to afford the wedding you want than issuing written insults to the partners of your friends.

I am torn about this one, tbh. I think it's very rough to invite someone without their longterm partner, especially if you know that partner. My DH would probably be a bit offended at not being invited to a wedding where he knew, or had at least met, the couple involved but he would get over it.

But - your OH is taking it too far. He needs to get over it - if he wouldn't even have wanted to go anyway then wtf is he on about? He had a "get out of jail free" card by not being invited, for valid reasons, so he didn't have to ponce about doing something he didn't want to - he should be grateful, not petty.

I don't know how you resolve it, tbh -

I was just waiting for Hullys elaboration. Respect.

Has he said he wouldn't have wanted to go anyway, or are you just deciding that for him to excuse your own rudeness in accepting an invitation that insulted him?

The way to resolve it is to realise that you have been unfair to dismiss his feelings around this, apologise for that, and accept that the problematic relationship he has with your friend is her fault and likely to be ongoing.

You know mn is on one of its downward slides when predictable trolling inspires such arse kissing.

"oh took major offence at this and now will only slag her off all the time, doesnt want her in the house, and it causes a lot of arguments"

Blimey. 'Slagging her off all the time'. Charming. It was only a wedding. It wasn't as if she cut off his penis and fed it to the chickens.

Or did she...?

A wedding pretty much is all about the guests. If you want a day all about yourself then book a spa.

I would never look for an apology for this kind of rudeness, I would just decline the invitation and issue no more of my own.

However in the situation that I had a partner who accepted such an invitation, I would not ever expect to have to suffer the presence of the issuer in my home.