Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

For not wanting to pay for this woman to come to DC's birthday activity?

142 replies

Rosieeo · 30/10/2010 09:04

DD's birthday is coming up, and we decided that we'd take her plus friends to a local theme park for the day. They're all in reception class. We planned on there being two adults/two cars/eight children.

Got an email last night from one parent saying that is was very generous of me to pay for everyone to have a day out. I was a bit and replied saying that it was only ten tickets and it would be significantly cheaper than having a party.

I got another email this morning saying that there was no way that she would let her DS go there 'on his own' for the day, but that she and her DH would meet us there with her DS. She finished by saying that she hoped I didn't mind and that it was 'only another two tickets after all' !?!

Now, I don't believe for one moment that I should have to pay for her and her DH, although I am interested in what you think of it! But am I being unreasonable to ask parents to let their 4/5 year old go on a 30 minute car journey to a theme park for the day without their parents?

OP posts:

muminthemiddle · 30/10/2010 10:41

I agree with the others.
When my dd was 7 (year 2) a school friend had a party at the cinema. I asked if I was needed and the mum assured me that she and her family had it covered.
I remember thinking that she must be very organised as she will need enough adults to supervise toilet trips plus stay with the others in the cinema etc.
Anyway it wasn't till much later that my dd told me that when she wanted the toilet the mum had let her go on her own, she had got lost and being sensible made her way to a food counter till( it is a huge multi screen complex within a leisure area)intending to ask the man for help. luckily in the meantime the elder sister had come out to search for my missing dd.
My dd was terrified as the place was busy and I was livid tbh, I never let her go again as I felt the parent was completely irresponsible my dd had only just turned 7 and some of the other children were still only 6.

ScroobiousPip · 30/10/2010 10:42

Even with 2 people carriers, the thought of trying to fit 8 booster seats correctly, with 8 4yos running around, waiting for the off, sounds totally stressful (or are other parents just better at this stuff than me?).

pickledbabe · 30/10/2010 10:49

but it says here that you get 2 free adults with every 6 children.

so why don't you pay for your tickets and let the other mum and dad have the free ones?

pickledbabe · 30/10/2010 10:50

sorry, not every 6 chicldren, every party (minimum 6 children)

you've got 8 children, so you'd qualify.

phipps · 30/10/2010 10:50

You are not unreasonable for not wanting to pay for this woman but if you were inviting my child and expecting me to stay and help then I would expect you to pay.

The party might go off fine but with this age group, amount of children and the area I would not be allowing my 5 year old to go. I would also not be happy with them being driven.

If you can't afford to pay for what you need then I don't think you should be having the party.

TheBrideOfBlatherstein · 30/10/2010 10:52

I used to go to Sundown when I was a child.

My DS is almost 4 and there is no way I'd let him go to a party like this. He's of the wandering off variety and I'd be petrified of him getting lost and being scared.

That said, there is no way I would expect the parents to pay for me to go and definitely not expect for them to pay for my DH to go - she is taking the piss.

I wouldn't let you take him in your car either. DS is tall for his age so well within the height of a 4 year old but is still in a proper car seat because he is very skinny and light. When we buy a new seat, it'll be a high backed booster too, not an easily movable cushion type one. His seat is also an ISOFix one so not suitable for all cars anyway. I'd definitely want to drive him myself.

onceamai · 30/10/2010 10:54

I think you have organised a lovely party with all the best intentions. I don't think the other mother is wrong but I think she's been a bit clumsy and you should forgive her for that. IMO this could end up a bit sticky and as you say, it is cheaper than a party so if you get a good deal and there are good deals about for these places, check out Mumsnet I really think you need some more adults on hand.

DD had a party at a themepark in the summer, shared with a friend, there were 9 girls in total and three adults. With birthday lunch to organise, some wanting different rides, a tear because one got scared at the last minute, a lost purse, and keeping tabs on them to set ground rules, we managed with three adults. They were 11 to 12.

TheBolter · 30/10/2010 11:01

If the woman and her dh are prepared to help with all children, then fine - pay for them.

If the woman and her dh are not prepared to help (and it is their choice!) then offer to pay for just one adult. I don't see why she would need to bring her dh along too - is she a bit over-protective?!

Personally I would limit numbers to four children including your own. Six if you can get extra help.

When dd1 was in yr 1, dh and I took her, dd2, and three friends to the cinema. Believe me, that was enough.

waterlooroadisadocumentary · 30/10/2010 11:02

I think you have tried to plan lovely party but you have not thought this through. It is not wise to take that many little children to a theme park so you need parents to attend which means you are asking them to pay for the privelidge of attending your child's party. Accidently YABU.

I have taken kids to a theme park before as a treat, I took 3 plus dd with my husband an it was hard work. Admittedly it was Alton Towers but the kids were older - 6,6,7,12.

Original poster

Rosieeo · 30/10/2010 11:02

Thanks everyone, I am in the process of making other arrangements. Many good points made especially regarding illness etc, so I shall save the idea for when DD is older.

Pickledbabe Why should I give other parents free tickets?

Phipps I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be offended by the implication that I can't afford to run a day trip to a theme park. I don't think I mentioned numbers with regards to cost. I assume you mean that 'what I need' is to pay for a child and a parent to go and that if I can't afford this then I shouldn't be going?

OP posts:

pickledbabe · 30/10/2010 11:05

just so that you have enough parents to cover the event.
I assumed from your OP that you were paying for all 10 tickets, I thought maybe you hadn't seen the birthday party deal.

(I do think the other parents ABU about you paying, though, but I also think you didn't consider about needing more than 2 parents to supervise)

Gory09 · 30/10/2010 11:07

""it's TOTALLY different. being in charge of your own children who you know very well and who know you is not the same as taking several children who you don't know that well.
you know all your kids foibles, what they'll be happy with, whether they'll stay with you or run off....

plus the added responsibility of it being someone else's kids""

I totally agree with that. I have 4dcs and no problem taking them on my own anywhere but add a friend and even if they are reasonnably behaved my stress level really goes up!

OP I think you are either very brave or very naive.

If my child was invited I would probably decline the invitation as I would either have to worry all day or add to a tight budget the expence of going myself to the theme park, probably having to take the rest of my Dcs as well.

Original poster

Rosieeo · 30/10/2010 11:19

pickledbabe I hadn't considered needing more parents, in all honesty. I tried to think back to nursery ratios and figured it would be fine! However, the point made about illness and a slight change meaning a 1:7 ratio did make me think.

If I had to invite more adults, I'd rather pick my own though :)

OP posts:

azazello · 30/10/2010 11:20

I took a group to the zoo for DD's birthday and it worked well BUT there was

DD(3), DS(6m) and DD's friend(4) who I see a lot
Dnephew (5) and D niece (4m) plus SIL
My friend with her DD (2) and DS (1m).

I also had my mum, my brother and his girlfriend all there to help out so just under a 1:1 ratio. We needed it. It gave the children a chance to eat a different speeds/ decide whether they wanted to play on the playground and play on different bits/ move more quickly than others through butterfly house etc and that was with the babies in buggies or carriers so no need to run round after them..

With only 2 adults to 8 children it will be an absolute nightmare and really stressful looking after other people's children in that ratio.

VivaLeBeaver · 30/10/2010 11:25

As soon as I read this I wondered if it was Sundown - I know Sundown quite well. Sorry but I wouldn't be happy with my DD at that age going there without me. Certainly not with that ratio of adults but even if you had a better ratio I would have to go unless there was an adult there that she knew really well.

DD is 9 now but when younger we went there a lot, I think she was about 6 or 7 before she would go on the Pirate water ride and the train ride. Even though the rides are aimed for young ones she thought they were too scary, she was terrified of the dragon. The big ship/sandpark is a nightmare for watching kids - too many exits and you can't see round one side of the ship to the other. A friend of mine lost her DS for over an hour in Sundown once.

DD would just have hated going out for the day with people she didn't know very well. Even at the local soft play places I would have to go and sit and have a coffee when she went to a party as she was not happy with me leaving her there with other parents.

missmoopy · 30/10/2010 11:26

I woouldn't let my 6 year old go on her own. But I would pay for myself and dh. She's taking the piss!

hairytriangle · 30/10/2010 11:27

If she wants to go, she should pay for her and her dh.

missmoopy · 30/10/2010 11:29

I know Sundown very well. There are way too many areas and hidey places for children to get lost in or wander off. When I go with my dd I barely take my eyes off her. She's not a wanderer but still managed to get lost last time we went.

CarGirl · 30/10/2010 11:30

I think you need a 1 adult to 3 child ratio as a minimum but generally I think best to wait until they older for this kind of party or just take fewer children either 4 or 6 children in total.

PuppyMonkey · 30/10/2010 11:32

Oh dear, this thread is going to go on and on even though OP has (sensibly imho) decided against going in't it?

midoriway · 30/10/2010 11:36

Your ratios of adults to children is all wrong, so that means that you need more adults. You then want the other adults to fund themselves. Why? In case they have too much fun on your dime? Helping out with kids at an all day adventure park does not sound like a great day out for me, more like hard graft, yet you want to the other adults to effectivly subsidise your party, by paying for their own tickets.

Personlly, I would either budget for adults, or change my plans.

Lonnie · 30/10/2010 11:36

I would add another 2 adults so the ratio is 1 to 2 however I would decide whom those adults were. IF she wants to come along then she will need to ensure that payment for her and her dh is done by them not by you.

Yesterday I took my 4 out with 3 friends but my youngest is 7 the elder 2 are almost 11 and 13 so it is a very differen scenario I really only need to supervice the 7 and 8 year olds (though obviously keep an eye out on the 9 year old boys and the 11 year old girls)

I do actually think it depends upon how many children OP has. When I had 1-2 children no way would I have agreed to this scenario but I have in the past when I had 3 of my own and my gf had 3 of similar ages ( so they would have been like nearly 2 4 and 6 and me pregnant with dd3) taken 6 children to someplace or the other. but this is my best friend we are talking of and her children knows me so it was slightly different.

We are taking dd3 for her 7th birthday party next Saturday we are going 2 adults (me and dh) and 4 6/7 year olds so ratio of 1 adult to 2 children. As we are going to Bluewater I felt that was a fair ratio we could each hold the hand of 2 children to ensure they dont get lost. In the summer we went to Brighton me with 6 children (1 being my 16 year old niece) it was doable and I enjoyed myself as did the kids..

sorry for long post but yes I think you need to add another 2 adults however what 2 you add is "Your choice" not the parent of one of the invited children

SDeuchars · 30/10/2010 11:37

I know this is off the main topic, but I am that "it would be significantly cheaper than having a party". Can't you do a party at home without spending more than £13 per head??? I certainly never spent anything like that even up to 11yo party (and my DD is 18, so not that long ago). If you do a theme park at 5, what do you do when they are older. Personally, I'd go for as low-key fun as possible for as long as possible. Keep the money for theme parks when pass-the-parcel will no longer suffice.

waterlooroadisadocumentary · 30/10/2010 11:41

I do extravagent parties for my dd and manage to spend about £13 a head, it can be done for much less. Good point.

waterlooroadisadocumentary · 30/10/2010 11:41

I did rather, she no longer wants a party.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread