Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not wanting to pay for this woman to come to DC's birthday activity?

142 replies

Rosieeo · 30/10/2010 09:04

DD's birthday is coming up, and we decided that we'd take her plus friends to a local theme park for the day. They're all in reception class. We planned on there being two adults/two cars/eight children.

Got an email last night from one parent saying that is was very generous of me to pay for everyone to have a day out. I was a bit Confused and replied saying that it was only ten tickets and it would be significantly cheaper than having a party.

I got another email this morning saying that there was no way that she would let her DS go there 'on his own' for the day, but that she and her DH would meet us there with her DS. She finished by saying that she hoped I didn't mind and that it was 'only another two tickets after all' !?!

Now, I don't believe for one moment that I should have to pay for her and her DH, although I am interested in what you think of it! But am I being unreasonable to ask parents to let their 4/5 year old go on a 30 minute car journey to a theme park for the day without their parents?

OP posts:
bobblemeat · 30/10/2010 09:46

"You lot must all havee one or two DC I assume."

What a ridiculously patronising statement. Looking after your own dc is totally different from looking after other peoples, plus unless you have quints people generally have some dcs that are more managable/capable than others due to their ages. My lo would be no problem at a theme park, he is content to toddle about or sit in the buggy, my 7yo would be fine, he can read signs, ask for help if he needs it, he understands money and could help me buy lunch, he could take the tinys to the loo for me, and they would let him because they know him as they live together. Its the middle ones who cause the problems and I wouldn't want 8 at once, especially when I didn't know their foibles and they were missing their mum.

Lovecat · 30/10/2010 09:46

Actually, now I think of it, a well-meaning but entirely irresponsible (ah the benefits of hindsight!) mum of a schoolfriend of DD's took 3 children (including DD) to Southend for the day last year when she had her for a day in the school holidays (we were doing shifts with them). I wasn't consulted, she just packed them on the train and went.

DD got halfway up the helter-skelter with her friend, decided she didn't want to go, turned to come back down, tripped and fell about 7 steps onto the metal footplate of the bottom step. She hit it so hard that the logo of the step-manufacturer was imprinted in reverse on her cheek and stayed there for a week.

Friend's mum, meanwhile, was standing around at the bottom with the 1 child who hadn't wanted to go on the ride. First she knew of it was when the assistant carried DD out howling.

First I knew of it (including the fact that they were at Southend) was when I got a phone call saying 'um.. don't worry, but...' Angry

No long-term damage done, thank God, but it can happen so easily.

Re. the payment for the parents - tbh, I think she's a bit of a cheeky cow expecting you to pay for BOTH her and her DH, but I would want to be there with DD purely because of a scenario like the one I mention above. And if it's the sort of place where it's all for the kids anyway, surely they have some sort of a party plan where the parents go free anyway? All the soft-play around our way does... a link would help with the judging! :)

ChasingSquirrels · 30/10/2010 09:46

given link, then yes I think YABU and stand with my original post.

I would do this with 1 or 2 close friends and all our kids.
There is no way I would do it as a party for 4/5yo's.

ballstoit · 30/10/2010 09:47

Would seem fine to me. What's all the flapping about the toilet about? You go into the toilet and stand outside the cubicles while the children go in. Then they stand with the other adult while each of you go.

They must go to the toilet alone at school, teachers/TAs not allowed to take them unless there is a specific issue.

On a school trip that DS went on last year the ratio was 1:6, in a class of 4/5 year olds.

merryberry · 30/10/2010 09:48

one of my boys couldn't have done this at this age, the other probably could.

it is too grown up a trip for reception.

also, if it's a weekend day, it would be unfair on my DH, as this would remove 50% of his week's free time with the child going.

Original poster
Rosieeo · 30/10/2010 09:48

PuppyMonkey The mum who emailed me wasn't there when we spoke, someone else must have mentioned it to her.

Am about to text 'friend with child in DD's class' to ask her if she understood what I was on about or if I've mislead everyone in my pre-coffee morning idiocy.

OP posts:
MumBarTheDoorZombiesAreComing · 30/10/2010 09:49

Seems fine to me.

Goblinchild · 30/10/2010 09:50

'"You lot must all havee one or two DC I assume."

Some of us are accustomed to organising trips with up to 90 children, looking at all the aspects of a trip, and the participants.

Lovecat · 30/10/2010 09:52

X-post re. link

Right, having seen it, I think their party package is taking the piss, ever so slightly. Only 2 adults go free? When no over-10's can actually use anything? Madness.

And having seen the place, NO WAY can 2 adults control 8 excited kids somewhere so open (unless the map is misleading and it's all roofed over...)

So YABU. But so are the park for charging adults admmission for a party!

PuppyMonkey · 30/10/2010 09:53

Have been to Sundown... really good, but it is quite big. With lots of little fairytale houses that they go in and could disappear from your sight so easily.

Ilythia · 30/10/2010 09:56

School trips and large families are completely different though. I would happily let DD1 go on a school trip with this ratio as she knows the adults involved.
I am a child of a large family and different rules apply when it is your mother in charge.

Oh, and I don't have a removable booster seat, so that's an issue.

piscesmoon · 30/10/2010 09:57

I wouldn't take DCs that young to a theme park, I think you need at least one adult to 2 children and it is better to have one adult per DC. I have done birthday parties there once they got to about 11yrs but a maximum of 2 guests.
I can quite see where the mother is coming from, but I would just email her back and say that while you would love to have her join you they will have to buy their own tickets for adults.

Imisssleeping · 30/10/2010 10:04

Seen the link
It's a theme park, not soft play.
They call it a theme park, you called it a theme park..... it's a theme park.

HeadlessPrinceBilly · 30/10/2010 10:13

YABU, for all the reasons stated above. Not everyone has portable booster seats, and 2 adults to 1o kids in that place? Shock

Bloodymary · 30/10/2010 10:13

Well I think that the parents who are expecting you to pay for them are incredibly rude, I just dont get that at all!

As for the day itself, my little girl is just 5 and I just know she would be fine about it, and I would happily let her go, tho I think you might find it easier with another adult, or maybe a teenager, to help out.

Original poster
Rosieeo · 30/10/2010 10:14

Imissleeping I was trying to make the distinction between this and, say, Alton Towers. Yes, it is a theme park, if not in the roller-coaster sense.

Just heard back from friend. She says that she understood what I meant, it was fine with her, but 'rather you than me'.

OP posts:
ruddynorah · 30/10/2010 10:14

I'd let my 4yr old go but only if it was her and the birthday child and maybe one other child with the two birthday parents. Wouldn't let her go in group of 8.

BalloonSlayer · 30/10/2010 10:15

Well it calls itself a "theme park" so it is of course, but when I read the OP I was thinking it was somewhere like Chessington or Legoland where tickets are £30, but this is only £9.50.

thisisyesterday · 30/10/2010 10:26

yes actually another poster makes good point re: cars/.

how will you fit 4 car seats into your car?? or do you have 2 people carriers?

PandaNot · 30/10/2010 10:27

Rosieeo I'm going to go against the majority opinion here and say that I would have let my ds go when he was in reception but only cos he was a sensible little boy who has never (hard to believe I know) wandered off, even when very excited about something. My dd, on the otherhand, is a nightmare and doesn't care if she can't see us while she's wandering round a shop etc while we search frantically for her. She wouldn't be going with you!

So I guess it would depend on the child and also if I thought the parents were capable enough to deal with 8 children all at the same time. Some parents in ds class would get a yes, others would get a 'no thank you, we're busy that weekend'. I wouldn't invite myself along.

thisisyesterday · 30/10/2010 10:27

sorry have just seen that you already replied to that, missed it first go!

Bloodymary · 30/10/2010 10:28

The OP has already said that they are using 2 people carriers!

Bloodymary · 30/10/2010 10:29

Cross posted. Sorry.

pigletmania · 30/10/2010 10:32

Its cheeky, surely one adult would suffice. Just say to her that if you want to come, you will have to pay your way, as you are just paying for the kids and the two adults to supervise. That you are on a tight budget.

thisisyesterday · 30/10/2010 10:32

actually ballstoit I have 3 children, and have been to days out with a friend who has 4, giving us a ratio of 2:7

it's TOTALLY different. being in charge of your own children who you know very well and who know you is not the same as taking several children who you don't know that well.
you know all your kids foibles, what they'll be happy with, whether they'll stay with you or run off....

plus the added responsibility of it being someone else's kids

if one of mine was unwell or tired then all of us would have to sit down and just have a rest, or go home
but this is a birthday party... if that happens and you end up with a ratio of 1:7 it's just undair and could lead to party being cut short.