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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not wanting to pay for this woman to come to DC's birthday activity?

142 replies

Rosieeo · 30/10/2010 09:04

DD's birthday is coming up, and we decided that we'd take her plus friends to a local theme park for the day. They're all in reception class. We planned on there being two adults/two cars/eight children.

Got an email last night from one parent saying that is was very generous of me to pay for everyone to have a day out. I was a bit Confused and replied saying that it was only ten tickets and it would be significantly cheaper than having a party.

I got another email this morning saying that there was no way that she would let her DS go there 'on his own' for the day, but that she and her DH would meet us there with her DS. She finished by saying that she hoped I didn't mind and that it was 'only another two tickets after all' !?!

Now, I don't believe for one moment that I should have to pay for her and her DH, although I am interested in what you think of it! But am I being unreasonable to ask parents to let their 4/5 year old go on a 30 minute car journey to a theme park for the day without their parents?

OP posts:
mjinhiding · 30/10/2010 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Rosieeo · 30/10/2010 09:26

Curiousmama, it would be a bit of a boring wind up, wouldn't it?

It is more like 'giant soft play' as mjin put it.

I've obviously not thought this through properly. Again, glad no invitations have been sent yet. I'll re-think.

OP posts:
Curiousmama · 30/10/2010 09:26

Would any of these dcs be sitting in the front then or do you have 2 people carriers?

ChasingSquirrels · 30/10/2010 09:27

agree with most other posters, especially Thisisyesterday and Seatrek.

My ds2 is in reception, and he wouldn't be going on this type of trip.

To me, it just isn't age appropriate - more likely 6/7+ and 2 or 3 friends.

In context, ds1 (8yo) has only ever been on a similar party event - a 7th party this summer which was about 3 hours at a local outdoor activity centre, so MUCH more structured and older children.

PuppyMonkey · 30/10/2010 09:28

I think with kids that age, I would still expect most parents to stay with their child - even if it was just a normal party at some soft play thing. Am I out of touch???

I think a theme park trip is something you should leave until they're a bit older and slightly more sensible. I know the kind of theme park you mean, with DD1 we started taking her to things like that instead of fokring out for parties, but that wasn't until she was about 7/8.

Having said that, the parent you're talking about should just have declined your invite if they had a prob with your arrangements. Not insist you pay for them too.

ShirleyGarrote · 30/10/2010 09:29

Don't do it! They're too little. I took 3 of my DSs friends to a theme park for his 11th birthday and one of them suddenly decided he didn't like ANY of the rides.

NIGHTMARE

diddl · 30/10/2010 09:29

If I didn´t think it was suitable then I doubt my child would go.

I wouldn´t expect to pay for me so that my child could go iyswim.

So, it´s either suitable as it is, in which case extra adults not needed, or it isn´t, in which case any extra adults needed should be paid for as they are helping out imo.

Curiousmama · 30/10/2010 09:29

you'd be amazed how many boring wind ups you get on here.

Ok so it isn't a wind up. Why not link the 'type' of theme park it is?

SocialButterfly · 30/10/2010 09:30

So is it a soft play area or a theme park - they are very different imo. If it is an enclosed indoor area full of climbing stuff, slides etc I would probably be more relaxed than if it is a theme park which was outdoor with rides you have to queue for.

ChasingSquirrels · 30/10/2010 09:30

so maybe NOT a theme park, which may change things - but if giant soft play then adult tickets are likely to be minimal.
Can we have a link to the place?

ForMashGetSmash · 30/10/2010 09:30

It is a bit young OP....even the smaller theme parks can be overwhelming and dangerous. I am afraid I would worry about my 6 year old on a day out like this...never mind a 4 year old.I would go along if I could. Some kids ar little nightmares when out for the day...I ould ask parents if they can come too? Or rethink.

alfabetty · 30/10/2010 09:33

I wouldn't leave my 5 year old in a public place where people can move around quite freely - like a theme park or soft play.

I've left him at Pizza Express with just the host parents, but there are 12 children sitting at a table so any wandering off it easily notice, and there's only one loo, they can take themselves quite safely etc. Likewise in people's houses or a village hall where the party ahas exclusive use. But absolutely not something like you describe.

Apart from the logistics of getting 8 children in and out of the car, on and off rides, around the theme park, what if one of them throws up during the day? Gets upset and wants to sit quietly? Needs the loo? You then have a ratio of 1/7.

Sounds like a kind thing to offer, but probably better when they are a bit older and a smaller group.

bobblemeat · 30/10/2010 09:33

My dd is in reception and is very confident, capable and outgoing. She is the oldest in the class and a real social butterfly but I would worry about her being away at a theme park (she has never been to anything like that) with a 1:4 ratio. She went on a nursery trip in July to the zoo so whole day, journey on a bus etc. but that is an easy trip as no queueing, no bursting into tears at unfamiliar rides etc. and the ratio was 1:2 which I think would be more appropriate.

I would be concerned about the journey too. Do you have 2 cars that you can safely get 8 car seats into?

I know there are dcs in dd's class who wouldn't be happy being left at an ordinary 2hr soft play party so that may be an issue.

However I would never expect you to pay for 2 adults (or even 1) to accompany every child.

HeadlessLadyBiscuit · 30/10/2010 09:34

My friend's DD had soft play at their local sports centre followed by birthday tea for her 4th birthday. After less than an hour, the children had had enough of the soft play because they were racing around with excitement and were absolutely exhausted so a whole day doing that is going to be too much, even if you discount the logistics and parent/child ratios

ballstoit · 30/10/2010 09:35

YANBU

You lot must all havee one or two DC I assume. My DC regularly go out with a 1:5 ratio, I'm the 1 they're the 5. I have taken them to a theme park aimed at younger children with a 2:8 ratio, when I've gone with my sister and her 3 children. Last summer when we did this half the children were under the age of the OP's DS! I can see that if the OP didnt know the children that well the parent might be worried but that doesnt seem to be the issue here.

To answer your OP, YANBU, the woman is taking the pee. If her issue was her DS's safety then she would have offered for her to come along. It wouldnt need her DP as well to ensure her DS was safe. She's trying to get you to pay for her family to have a day out!

My response would be that she's welcome to come along and pay for herself. Or she can trust you to look after her DS. Or he can not come to the party. It's her choice.

MumBarTheDoorZombiesAreComing · 30/10/2010 09:35

See I actually think 2 adults is fine tbh. If I felt DS would struggle I would have paid for myself to come along.

TBH tho (as harsh as this sounds) I would only invite children I know could cope with it.

Lovecat · 30/10/2010 09:35

When DD was 4 she wouldn't LET me leave her anywhere at a party. Now she's nearly 6 she's a lot more independent, and adores theme parks (would live at Adventure Island in Southend if we let her!) but it all depends on the sort of place it is.

I know for a fact she's the sort to wander off in a daydream, find herself alone and get terrified/tearful. I think unless it's all indoors and enclosed and you are 100% confident you can see them at all times, then your ratios need rethinking. At least 1 adult to 2 children if not 1:1 for the ineviatable loo breaks/not wanting to go on the same rides/lets's look in the gift shop at all the tut breaks...

ronshar · 30/10/2010 09:36

If it is a age specific park with rides that children of that age are happy to go on then I dont really see the issue myself.
DD2 went to Marwell with the Rainbows. I was more than happy for her to go. However several mums didnt want their DD away from them for that long.

I would send email reply stating very simply that the parents are welcome to come along but they will have to get their own tickets and meet you there.

I think people are under the impression you are thinking about taking 4 year olds to Thorpe Park!

GypsyMoth · 30/10/2010 09:36

No, I think it's too much fir a 4 year old.

Little legs get tired. They will be hungry/thirsty at different times

One could get lost....... Whole day is then spoilt

One gets hurt/injured/falls I'll then the other adult is left with 7 children!!!!

ScroobiousPip · 30/10/2010 09:36

Just out of interest Rosioo, do you have 8 booster seats or are you hoping parents will provide their own? And how will you get them all in 2 cars? Sounds like quite a faff, getting 8 seats correctly installed on the morning of the party.

savoycabbage · 30/10/2010 09:39

I would have assumed that you expected me to come with my four year old and I would be all on edge about who was going to pay for me and so I would not accept. I wouldn't want to pay to go to a theme park unless I was friends with the other adults.

Some theme parks, like Gulliver's Kingdom here are more suitable for younger ones I suppose but there is no way my four year old would manage.

It's like those cinema parties that people have for little children. You never know what you are supposed to do.

PuppyMonkey · 30/10/2010 09:39

Just noticed the bit where you say

"I mentioned it during school gate chat last week - I know most of the mums in question quite well, although I wouldn't describe them as close friends - and no one seemed concerned. Maybe I didn't make the numbers clear enough."

I wonder would most of them just have assumed as this other mum did that they would be going along too??

ballstoit · 30/10/2010 09:39

Is it somewhhere like this

www.twinlakespark.co.uk/.

More of a soft play/park with a couple of rides.

Ilythia · 30/10/2010 09:42

I agree with the others, DD1 is in reception and no way would she cope with a full day out with someone else's parents. I wouldn't go as I have dd2 as well so she wouldn't be going at all.

I wouldn't expect you to pay for us if we did go though.

Original poster
Rosieeo · 30/10/2010 09:42

This is the park Sorry if I haven't been clear enough in my description.

I would expect people to provide booster seats, of course. Both cars are people carriers.

All of the kids are generally fine and known to each other.

OP posts: