to think that "Oh, I'm just not a morning person" is just an excuse for being lazy

[TorturesInAHalfHell]

This is a general question not a question about my personal situation, but of course mine got me wondering.

My husband is "not a morning person", and apparently I am. So I wake up, groan to myself, and then get up and go about my day. He hides under the pillow, delays, groans, delays, groans, stretches, groans, and eventually sits at the kitchen table staring blankly into space.

The thing is that he's not a lazy bloke generally; he'll do laundry, make our daughter breakfast and pack a nappy bag while I'm dithering about an outfit, straightening my hair and airing the beds. So chances are, he does actually find it harder to get going in the morning than I do. And we split lie-ins on the weekend, so he's not just taking the piss, he genuinely seems to find mornings hard.

But then again, he always mysteriously "gets a second wind" just after she's in bed (she's a toddler, so 7-8pm) and always stays up after I do.

I think if he just bloody went to bed on time he'd be better in the mornings. He says he can't go to bed earlier, he won't sleep, and even after a good night's sleep he's far more draggy in the morning. And again, not a lazy guy, so maybe he's right.

So, over to you. Are you a morning person/not? Is it an actual biological thing that he's worse in the mornings than me? If you're "not a morning person" is that unfixable? How do you cope with small children? Should I actually be sympathetic instead of just telling him to go to bed earlier?

I'm not a morning person (and I love staying up late) but in comparison to DP (who sounds suspiciously like yours) I am - you can train yourself of course.

I found a 'sunrise simulating' alarm clock has made a HUGE difference to my mornings esp in the winter. Really helps me 'wake up' properly & diminishes the foggy brain that won't wake up.

Oh and of course an early night helps.

I think a big part of DP's late nights is just having a little bit of time to himself, but he doesn't know when to stop.

Sounds like my dh

interstingly ds seems to be taking after me and goes to bed early and gets up early
dd takes after dh - faffs about in her room until nine/ten pm and then has to be woken up to get to school on time

I am not a morning person. I have to get up at 5am to go to work and regardless of how many hours I've slept I still feel tired all day, it's as if it is against my nature. So yes, I'm a firm believer in biological clocks.

(I am generally a lazy person who gets on with things because she needs to)

i am NOT a morning person

i am fine to stay up late, but getting up really does me in.
i am grumpy til about 11am

doesn't matter what time i go to bed, i just HATE mornings!
of course i do get up and do what has to be done, and i drag dp out of bed to do his bit too.
cos you know, it has to be 50/50 and "not being a morning person" is no excuse not to pull your weight

so.. it isn't JUST laziness. but that doesn't make it ok

I always thought it was just an attention thing....

Esp in teenage girls.

I don't have the CHOICE to be a morning person or not - I have to get up and get going when the alarm clock goes off or no-one would get to school/nursery or work.

I have often been known to stick my head round our bedroom door and very omantically tell my similarly huffing and groaning husband to "GET UP".

Its a bit like when we were engaged, I remember my DH2Be saying something like "Oh but I don't like going to shops"...and my answer was "well things NEED TO BE BOUGHT, why is it only you that gets to opt out. By you opting out I have no option left to me".

The "morning people" thing is pretty much the same IMHO - I love my bed, I need my sleep, but as a repsonble human being I also know I HAVE to get up and get a move on.

I am a night owl so to me YABU!
Almost all night owls will get this second rush around 7-8pm, the only problem is if the only thing they need to do is noisy and disruptive to the rest of the household.

But,,, I am more than able to condtion myself to be more of a day person, i ususally have a weeks worth of extrememly early bedtimes and then im up at 5am the next week everyday accomplishing almost everything i want.
But i really have to want to do it, otherwise i really struggle to get motivated.

But there's something about the darkness and solitude of night that always brings me back to late nights and slugish mornings ugh!

There is definitely an element of biological clock though. I am seldom in bed before one or two in the morning- I just can't sleep before then, even if I've been up since seven.

I'm not a morning person. Doesn't matter how early I go to bed, doesn't matter how late I get up tbh, I don't have whatever it is that makes the transition from asleep to awake tolerable for many (most?) people.

But of course I do get up in the morning and do all that stuff that "morning" people do, because most people have to. I just feel like shit doing it.

I think it's true some people are not good in the morning, others in the evening. My mum struggles to stay awake after about 10pm - she just can't keep her eyes open. But even if I go to bed at 9 and sleep, I find it a wrench to get up before 8/9. It has nothing to do with how much sleep I've had.

You can think I'm lazy if you like, but I suspect I work just as many hours in the day as someone who's up at 7am sharp.

No, it's not just an excuse for being lazy...in our house we're the other way round. Dh is a 'morning person' and can get up with our boys at 6 with a fairly cheerful demeanor. He was decorating the living room by 8.30 yesterday morning, but had dissolved in a dribbling heap by 3pm, and is hopeless when it comes to bath and bedtime - I have to do it as he is so short tempered.

I, on the other hand, am FOUL if woken too early and can barely function before 9am. However, I can do bath and bedtime calmly and cheerfully, and when dh was dribbling on the sofa at 9 last night, I started the ironing and made flapjack.

It is, IME, fact that some can do mornings, some can do evenings.

What alarm clock do you have mojo? I think I want one.

YABU, I'm like a zombie in the mornings, no matter how much I try and change my sleeping patterns. I am much more able to concentrate after about 9pm.

I hated it when I worked early mornings as I had to sleep by 10pm, and just couldn't get anything constructive done.

I don't like mornings, getting out of my warm bed to battle with DD and her breakfast really isn't something that makes me jump out of it full of beans. But I do try and get up straight away, the longer I delay, the harder it is. Once I'm up, I'm fine. It's just the thought of getting up.

My ex was a lot like your DH. A nightowl, would rather stay up late fucking about on his computer knowing full well that he'd be knackered in the morning. I wouldn't offer sympathy, it's all his own doing. Some people do need that extra half hour or so to wake up, but if it's down to going to bed late, then tough [hgrin]

I think it can be used as an excuse.

I am always knackered, I cannot fall asleep before midnight at the earliest. DS1 (who has an ASD) is 5, and he doesn't sleep until 10 or 11 most nights. Neither of us are much good in the morning. But I have 2 kids to get to school, and stuff to do, so mornings have to happen. DD and DS2 both arise at Stupid O'Clock (ie, anything before 9am in me and DS1's world!)

Before Children, I would miss lectures/ be late for work/ etc due to my lack of morning ability, miraculous really that 3 kids can cure it! Only in females though, it seems, XH is still a git in the mornings. I am of course utterly lovely, bright eyed, dewy of complexion, patient and charming. And a massive fibber.

Some people are better at night,others better in the mornings, but it is not an excuse for laziness.

If DH gets a secon wind at 8pm then set aside some jobs for him to do at that time, to make up for being of little use at 8am.

Yabu, some people are morning people.. Really do well that time of day get up at 5 and do disgusting things like run for an hour etc. On the other hand many people do their best work only after midnight. Different body clocks I guess

I agree YABU.

I think I'm naturally a night owl, but this is completely incompatible with my life and family so I'm in a constant battle with my body clock.

It doesn't matter what time I go to bed, I feel sluggish and unable to speak after I've come round, but feel tired all day, with a particular dip in mid/late afternoon.

I spend all day aching for my bed then as soon as DCs are in bed - here comes the second wind! Suddenly I'm alert and could stay up til the wee hours...

Of course, I get up like the rest of you because I have to and would never use it as an excuse

Nope. I'm like your DH. I think people who can't stay up until 3am to finish a project are just lazy...

I've got a friend who's a morning person actually. As soon as she opens her eyes that's her - bing! - awake and ready to go.

She needs to be in her bed by 9pm and manages her life around that premise. Now, should I be calling her a lazy sod for going to bed at 9pm and refusing to come out at night no matter what the occasion?

It's not laziness. Some people just work on a different cycle. Society dictates that the day starts early to make the most of the daylight hours I suppose.

Anyone who can't understand why it's so hard to get going in the morning should imagine how it might feel to be told you can't go to bed until 2 or 3am every night.

I get up early because I have to but if I don't have to I don't. 'Morning people' tend to get up whether they have to or not.

I@m not a morning person, I could to bed at 8.30pm when DS1 goes up and I'll still be shite in the mornings. The absolute bare minimum is done AM, with DS's doing anything they're physically capable of rather than me

I get a "second wind" usually around 10pm at night

DH and I are both night-owls.

Like some others on this thread, it doesn't seem to be anything to do with how much sleep we've had - we both find mornings tough.

We get up and do what needs to be done, but feel frowsy and a bit unwell until about 9ish.

I find it extremely difficult to get to sleep until about 11pm. I was the same as a child.

Thisisyesterday - oh, he doesn't use it as an excuse to get out of things, really, he just mopes and groans and, you know, pretends to fall asleep at the breakfast table (DD: "Daddy night-night?"). But he definitely pulls his weight. I'm just sick of the whole "oh, I'm so tiiiiiirrrrrreeeeed" thing. You have a toddler and you stayed up till 1am. Suck it up.

If I had my way the "normal" day would run from 12 noon until 8pm, then "evenings" activities would commence around 10pm

DH and I are night owls- we are far from lazy!
Thankfully our children are too