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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that "Oh, I'm just not a morning person" is just an excuse for being lazy

118 replies

TorturesInAHalfHell · 27/10/2010 13:12

This is a general question not a question about my personal situation, but of course mine got me wondering.

My husband is "not a morning person", and apparently I am. So I wake up, groan to myself, and then get up and go about my day. He hides under the pillow, delays, groans, delays, groans, stretches, groans, and eventually sits at the kitchen table staring blankly into space.

The thing is that he's not a lazy bloke generally; he'll do laundry, make our daughter breakfast and pack a nappy bag while I'm dithering about an outfit, straightening my hair and airing the beds. So chances are, he does actually find it harder to get going in the morning than I do. And we split lie-ins on the weekend, so he's not just taking the piss, he genuinely seems to find mornings hard.

But then again, he always mysteriously "gets a second wind" just after she's in bed (she's a toddler, so 7-8pm) and always stays up after I do.

I think if he just bloody went to bed on time he'd be better in the mornings. He says he can't go to bed earlier, he won't sleep, and even after a good night's sleep he's far more draggy in the morning. And again, not a lazy guy, so maybe he's right.

So, over to you. Are you a morning person/not? Is it an actual biological thing that he's worse in the mornings than me? If you're "not a morning person" is that unfixable? How do you cope with small children? Should I actually be sympathetic instead of just telling him to go to bed earlier?

OP posts:

ScroobiousPip · 28/10/2010 08:26

Haha, I am a B-person! Had no idea about the B-society, GothAnneGeddes.

TigerFeet · 28/10/2010 08:40

There's a difference between struggling with mornings because you're a nght owl and being lazy.

On Tuesday I was at work so struggled to get up and get everyone out of the door on time. I worked on automatic pilot until around 11 when I'd had my third coffee. That's not being a morning person.

Today I am not at work and the dds are not at school/nursery. Therefore we are all sitting in our pyjamas with no real plans for the rest of the morning. That's lazy

I accept that neither dh nor I are morning people and would rather sleep until mid morning. This is not an excuse for dh not to pull his weight in the mornings because he is tired. (yes we have had that argument conversation). I am tired too. Pull your weight you idle lump.

Jajas · 28/10/2010 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bonsoir · 28/10/2010 08:45

Agree with OP - your DH is going to bed too late. He needs to get in a whole other routine.

Can he not have a hot bath to unwind around 9.30pm, and go to bed thereafter with a book?

2rebecca · 28/10/2010 08:48

I'm rubbish first thing in the mornings, but don't think that not being a "morning person" should be an excuse to get out of minding toddlers on a morning, and I agree that if you go to bed earlier then it's easier to get up on a morning.
I think mornings with toddlers are just horrible and both parents should take their turn at them, although it sounds as though the OP's bloke does this.
I think people who genuinely enjoy mornings are in the minority.

CJsSeveredHead · 28/10/2010 09:06

This is fascinating reading!

I am a night owl and have always labelled myself 'lazy' as that was what it was called when I was a teenager. I know I should go to bed at 10.30ish but I'm usually wide awake then and even if I do, I stay up reading until past midnight. I just can't put the light out.

Getting up in the mornings is a nightmare but I do it because I have to get the DCs to school. Day after day, I go through this round of insane tiredness, and night after night I stay up late again.

Weird thing, though - and this is an embarrassing admission - sometimes I fall asleep around 10pm, in my clothes, on the sofa or on top of the bed (I have no DH!). I then wake up at 3 or 4am to find the lights still on, possibly the tv, as if I still have 'things to do'. It seems to me that, even though I'm clearly knackered and ready for sleep at that time, I can't make myself go to bed. It's driving me nuts, to be honest.

Incidentally I'm still tired after 10 or 8 hours' sleep. My optimum is 6 - I function really well on that! But I hate dragging myself out of bed that early ...

Booboodebat · 28/10/2010 10:22

So, Tortoise, general concensus seems to be that your DH can't help feeling rough in the morning, but he should stop bloody moaning about it.

noblegiraffe · 28/10/2010 10:40

"If he went to bed on time, he would be able to get up on time"

It doesn't work like that.

If I go to bed 'on time', chances are I'll lie awake for hours unable to sleep. Even though I've got up at the same time as you in the morning and have done for years. Where's the fun in lying awake in the dark? What's the point?

Original poster

TorturesInAHalfHell · 28/10/2010 10:44

Bonsoir, my husband does not do either hot baths or books. He is a Bloke. Blokes do not do hot baths and books.

Booboodebat, yeah, that's what I suspected! Also he should stop expecting to get laid after 11pm.

OP posts:

Bonsoir · 28/10/2010 10:46

All the men I have ever known do hot baths and books with a vengeance!

Rannaldini · 28/10/2010 10:48

I hate rude slugs at any time
it being morning does not warrant an excuse

Original poster

TorturesInAHalfHell · 28/10/2010 10:59

Ah, well, obviously my husband is manlier than your husband then.

OP posts:

emptyshell · 28/10/2010 13:53

I'm not a morning person - given the chance naturally my body clock spins around so I get up about 11/12 and go to bed about 2am... of course, this is cruelly thwarted by my alarm clock - I have to train myself to get up at 6.15, and I have to keep getting up then when I'm not at work or the shift back to being a night owl starts. Unfortunately as well - I suffer from insomnia, even when I go to bed at 10 like I aim to, I'm regularly still awake at 4.30 in the morning (last two months I've been getting by on 2 hours sleep a night and the odd nodding off in front of the telly).

Give me paperwork or admin to do and I'll happily blast through it all until the small hours of the morning, but try to get me to do the same at 8am... no chance! I did used to play to it as best as I could when I taught full-time, I'd be one of the last staff to come into school on a morning (generally by about 8.20) but I'd also be the one kicked out by the caretaker at 5.45 long after colleagues had gone home - thankfully my head knew I worked better that end of the day and while her and others were in at 7.30 eating cereal in their classroom, I'd still be working when they'd got home from school.

Hubby is the same naturally - although he WOULD put sleeping as a hobby on his CV if he could get away with it.

Thistledew · 28/10/2010 18:56

Has anyone tried hypnotherapy or does anyone know if it might work to readjust your bodyclock?

I would love to be able to spring out of bed wide awake in the morning rather than drag myself out feeling sick and dizzy.

As others have said, it's not about when I go to bed as I feel just the same whether I go to bed at 10 or at midnight. I can also wake at any time before about 6am and feel fine, but always struggle between then and about 9am. Even months of the same routine has no effect. I just do not wake naturally before 9am.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 28/10/2010 19:34

My husband is also a big fan of a hot bath and a book - much more so than I am.

He is quite manly enough, thank you [hgrin]

Scaredandalone · 28/10/2010 19:42

I am a night owl I feel better if I go to bed at 6am and get up at 10am than if I go at 12 and get up at 7am I just cannot get to sleep early and get up early I always find nights easier than early mornings with regards to work. My DP however is hanging by 9 and sleep through till 6 so actually gets more sleep than me most nights.

stoatsrevenge · 28/10/2010 23:17

I love night. I can get up and go to work early, without grumping because I've had to socialise myself!

....But I just lurve late. Always have, guess I always will.

Just read 'The owl who was afraid of the dark' and you'll understand my sentiment!

CardyMow · 28/10/2010 23:33

I am not 'lazy' but am genuinely not a morning person. I quite happily worked nights, not a problem, in fact I found I was more alert going to bed at 7am, and getting up at 4pm than I ever have been before or since I did night work. I struggle through the mornings, and don't 'truly' wake up until at least 12pm, I go through everything from 7am -12 noon on autopilot. Yet I will be more wide awake at 2am. And yes, I have tried going to bed much earlier, for long periods at a time...it doesn't do much good, as I just lie in bed awake until at least 1/2am!

I've been having to get up at 7am to do the school run for over 8 years now. Even if I go to bed at 10/11pm, my DP can attest to the fact that I just do not sleep before 1/2am. It's crap and I wish I could change - but I think it's genetic to a certain extent, my mum has always been the same, as has her dad (my grandad), and even my DD is like it. I've even tried medication from the GP to try to change it, and those 'natural light' alarm clocks, and tried nytol, and warm baths and milky drinks. None of it bloody works.

And it doesn't help that DP and DS2 are natural 'early risers' and no amount of trying will get them to understand that getting up at 5-6am is just abnormal as far as I'm concerned. .

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