to think that "Oh, I'm just not a morning person" is just an excuse for being lazy

[TorturesInAHalfHell]

This is a general question not a question about my personal situation, but of course mine got me wondering.

My husband is "not a morning person", and apparently I am. So I wake up, groan to myself, and then get up and go about my day. He hides under the pillow, delays, groans, delays, groans, stretches, groans, and eventually sits at the kitchen table staring blankly into space.

The thing is that he's not a lazy bloke generally; he'll do laundry, make our daughter breakfast and pack a nappy bag while I'm dithering about an outfit, straightening my hair and airing the beds. So chances are, he does actually find it harder to get going in the morning than I do. And we split lie-ins on the weekend, so he's not just taking the piss, he genuinely seems to find mornings hard.

But then again, he always mysteriously "gets a second wind" just after she's in bed (she's a toddler, so 7-8pm) and always stays up after I do.

I think if he just bloody went to bed on time he'd be better in the mornings. He says he can't go to bed earlier, he won't sleep, and even after a good night's sleep he's far more draggy in the morning. And again, not a lazy guy, so maybe he's right.

So, over to you. Are you a morning person/not? Is it an actual biological thing that he's worse in the mornings than me? If you're "not a morning person" is that unfixable? How do you cope with small children? Should I actually be sympathetic instead of just telling him to go to bed earlier?

Perhaps you are just too lazy to stay up late?

YABU

I've never been a morning person. Some people are just like that.

I will struggle to get out of bed no matter how much sleep I've had. Equally so I will come alive at night and be full of beans no matter how little sleep I've had the night before. It's just the way my body clock is wired.

Want to add though that I still go to bed earlier than I feel I want to, simply because I know I'll feel even worse at 7am if I don't. I'm generally so knackered with being a parent that I will fall asleep whenever I put my head down. I don't think staying up until 1am is sensible if you've got children so actually, YANBU for telling him to go to bed earlier and at least try.

Actually me being a night owl and dh being a lark has worked well post-breastfeeding because I'm happy to do night wakings because I can go back to sleep again oh so easily. Dh can't get back to sleep if he does them, but he's happier to do 5/6am onwards because he's awake then and that gives me an hour or so extra in bed. I think we both feel we're getting a good deal.

And I def get that "second wind" thing about 9pm.

I adore being an night owl and I detest mornings. DH is a night owl too (which works for us), but like the OP's partner, DH does nothing except struggle to get ready for work.

However, I get stuff done at stupid o'clock (that's actually a registered time zone in this house - it's anything before 7). So night owls aren't lazy - I get it all done, but sometimes I forget things (like DS's lunch for school on the odd occasion).

My mind doesn't naturally wake up with my body at stupid o'clock but that certainly doesn't make me lazy.

at too lazy to stay up late!.. Maybe OP has gone to bed already!! HeeHee

dh is a night owl and prowls about till about 2 am in the morning before he can get to bed and to sleep.

Drives me nuts

He is genuinely just built that way. He does have to drag himself off to work every morning though. Gets very little sleep in the week and lies in very late at the weekends, given the chance.

I like to go to bed maybe 10-11 on a regular night and I'm ok in the morning after tanking up on coffee

No I don't. In response to OP. I really don't. I am a morning person but can fall asleep over dinner, have been like this always. Isn't it biorthyms? How the hell do you spell that?

I wouldn't say I am a morning person. I'm not up at the crack of dawn chirping about the house.

I drag myself out of bed when the alarm goes, sometimes wake up just before. Switch on the coffee machine, stagger under the shower. None of it too impressive but I can do it.

I am not a night person either though. So I am a what? A nothing

What time in the mornin?

i am defo not a morning person, i drag myself through the house if i need to leave earlier than 10,.. i was when i was pregnant though, up at 6 even in maternity leave...

See, I was up at 7am. In order to get my eight hours sleep, I needed to go to bed an hour ago.

I have had no caffeine since four pm.

i could quite happily walk to the supermarket and do a week's shop right now, or bake a cake, or (as evidenced) sit and type at faceless internet sprites for hours). I'm not remotely tired.

At 7 am tomorrow, I will just about be capable of pulling my pants down before I sit in the toilet.

Probably.

I'm with Colditz, especially the toilet thing.

I tell you what's even worse than being and owl - is being an owl with intermittent insomnia

Snap, my DH is the same.

I am not a morning person either though, so I sympatise with him.

It wasn't until we had dc2 that he finally stopped being so pathetic about getting up. For a while he claimed (and I believed) that he would never get used to it.

Although he is better now, it is my job to make sure everyone gets up and out on time on a weekday morning.

:o @ colditz

I can relate to the pants/toilet thing.

Night people you are not alone, there is a society fighting for our rights:

B society

Interestingly, it started in Scandinavia, where I imagine rates of SAD must be very high, so it makes sense for people to be flexible about their working day.

It is an indisputable fact that human body clocks differ. People who think that larks are somehow morally superior are just as fucking ignorant and wrong as people who think that heterosexuals are inherently morally superior to homosexuals.
Sensible owls who have enough sensible people (whether those people are themselves lark or owl) to be aware of the difference, generally organise their lives in ways that suit their body clocks - given that we have a 24 hour economy and plenty of jobs that can or do involve night or evening work, it's ridiculous to insist that only those who work a 9-5 day are doing 'proper' work - up until the point where they become parents of school-age DC.

I don't really think I'm morally superior, of course. It's just inconvenient that I'm at my best during the hours which tend to be busy and require all hands on deck, which are his low points; from 6 to around 9am and then again from 5-7pm. Whereas my first low point is 2-3pm and I have to be in bed by 11 at the latest, which let's face it, inconveniences no-one.

Also he doesn't have a surge of energy at 11pm which means he scrubs the house down. but I promise I will stop saying things like "given you were so exhausted this morning, I wasn't expecting you to have so much energy in bed this evening".

I'm very amused by how many responses I got between 11pm and 2am, too. Stands to reason, I suppose.

you're just unlucky, tortoise. My DH thinks I'm lazy too because DS and I are both owls and usually surface somewhere between 8 and 9am, whereas he's been up and doing since about 6:30. So as far as he's concerned, he's doing it all while we "laze in bed". However, he shuts down as far as doing anything around the house by 5pm (it's too late to do anything after that, apparently ) except he will cook dinner. He gets quite arsey with me not going to bed until 11 or later - I get equally arsey with his attempts to go to bed before 9pm (our compromise, I'd prefer it to be 10 but he can't manage that, apparently, unless there's a really good film on tv.)

lol, I think it balances the couple if there's one of each (owl and lark).

DH and I are both owls and enjoy each other's company above all others, so honestly, without the pressures of having to go to work or be up for school, we will happily slide right along with the other into a 1pm to 5am day.

I hit my second wind at about 10:30. It used to be that if I stayed up past that hump I wouldn't be able to sleep until 2 or 3. Now I'm so sleep deprived and exhausted that I actually can sleep at any given moment, although I agree with the poster upthread that it made night feedings a lot easier.

If it helps, when I have to conform to a very early schedule I take a melatonin with dinner. It simulates the chemicals your brain produces at sundown as a runup to sleeping. It won't make you sleepy like a sleep-aid might, but it's very helpful in making a night owl run on a daytime schedule... not happily, but at least capably. I'm pretty sure it's prescription in the UK (I used to bring bottles with me from the States in my suitcase), but worth asking your GP about if it's becoming a real problem.

Also, TIAHH, I think you may be discounting MN users like myself who aren't in the UK

Did I write this in my sleep? You have just described my DH to a 't'!! If he went to bed on time, he would be able to get up on time; it really annoys me too!! He (mine) is a lovely man, but just can't get the bed/getting up thing organised. We would all be less tired if he sorted things out. You have my sympathy.