To want DSD to have an abortion?

[TessoftheDamned]

Heavy going stuff but really doubting myself on this.

DSD is 14 and we thought was a straight-laced girl, very into her studies, hardly ever goes out, etc. Anyway, has fallen pregnant and just had the nerve to tell us (lives with us full-time, her mother is not in the picture). The guy is 'long gone' as she says, refuses to tell us his name or where she met him. To be honest I'm a bit worried there was some pressure and perhaps even date rape thing going on, but I haven't pushed it as she's very vulnerable at the moment (as one might expect).

She is adamant she is keeping her baby. Although I'm sure it will end up looking to us as parents and her as a sister, we don't want another baby and don't want to look after hers. She's not an adult but it is her body, I'm so torn. I feel like she's doing herself and everyone else a great disservice bringing this heartache, but of course a baby is normally a source of joy...

DH is flabbergasted and shocked, he's still trying to find out who the boy is (she told us 3 days ago). She clams up when we suggest anything other than keeping the baby and refuses to speak to us.

AIBU?

tess

just hoping that amongst this war of words, you are getting some support and that things are ok at the moment x

cross posted button [hsmile]

When did I say "Expat you must leave your house at once". You are making that up Im afraid.

S'okay Scary. Am getting a bit fed up with this whole thing, and looking at the last post from JM it's not going to get any better!

Do you think we can just take ourselves out of this ladies and get back to the issue? Tess needs help and support and this bickering and what appears to be deliberate obtuseness is failing to provide either of those things.

'deliberate obtuseness on the part of some'

Apologies.

Buttonmoon "W" - I am not the one bringing my own personal issues into the thread. As usual I am being blamed though

"as usual" JM ? [hhmm]

that chip on your shoulder has no place on this thread

Neither does other peoples chips.

OP, is there any way your husband would pay for a daytime nanny for a couple of years, if your DSD keeps her baby?

I suppose it's enabling your DSD, in a way, sorting it all out for her. But I'm just thinking of practical solutions.

Altinkum we have been asked to leave our chips at the door please leave your hair splitting for another thread.

It's not Expat! The OP is TessoftheDamned. Expat is another poster on this thread.

What does "W" mean?

I didn't accuse anyone of bringing personal issues here. I accused people of (effectively) getting their knickers in a right twist and diverting attention away from the OP's v genuine concern.

If you feel that this post is too close to the bone for you then might I suggest you stay away and allow support to reach the OP? If I was her, I'd have a terrible time seeing the support and suggestions through the sheer volume of other posts, this included.

< holds out bucket for chips >

sign in your chips 'ere

I will look after 'em, for you, and let you have them back when you leave

Tess,

Hope the visit to the Drs go okay today, and your meal last night.

Before i would know what angle to come at this, i would get your dsd off to a counsellor/someone experienced with teen pregnancy and try to find out about the father.

If it was coercion/rape i would deal with it differently than a couple of kids consenting.

Good luck with all of this, you are in a very difficult situation - as is your dsd and dh.

Scary - if I gave you all the chips off my shoulders my head would fall off! However, this is not one of them so I'm going to keep hold of them if I may?

Its not close enough to my bone BM - Im not the one getting my knickers in a knot :)

I do hope the OP and her family find help and support.

my chips are the only thing holding this weary body together

this thread isnt about Expat or Jodiesmummy.

The OP asked for help and advice about a terrible situation and slinging insults back and forward isnt helping it.

I have no advice since i dont have any teenagers yet but it really made me think about how i'd feel in the same situation. think it must be hard for the OP to imagine that if her DSD had the baby and was still living at home that, once the baby is here, she could sit back and not bring herself to help. It would take a lot of will not to help a screaming baby.

If it was my dd i would hope she would have a termination but OP's DSD has to agree to that as we've heard from so many posters on this thread who were really emotionally scarred from being forced to have abortions as teenagers.

OP- hope the appointment went ok this morning and you get some idea of where to get some help about this.

Good grief! I'd hate to see you when they were!

Anyway, lunch calls.

Tess - do keep posting if you're still of a mind to. There's plenty of collective wisdom out there and even more support for whatever happens.