to be so fedup of being poor

[BobbyBlue]

I am so fed up of never having any money. I don't want much, I just want to be able to buy my children clothes when they need them instead of having to cut the feet off DD's babygrows to get a few more months out of them, or washing my bra through every night because I only have the one and even that is falling apart. I was looking at DS today and he looks so scruffy in a top that is too short in the arms and is faded.

DH works so hard to look after us and works every hour he can. I had a job but it was only a temp contract and it wasn't renewed after my employer found out I was pregnant with DD3 and now I'm struggling to find anything else.

We don't smoke, drink or even go out.

I can live with having to wear old worn clothes myself but my older two DC are getting to an age where it is going to start bothering them.

I know we're not the only ones who struggle, I only have to look up and down the street to see other families who are having a hard time, but sometimes it just gets so bloody depressing!!!

Feel better for having a moan!

mysteryfairy, I am a 32GG

I do have a CRB check from work although I think its dated a couple of years ago though.

Just been having a look through the cupboards and I have a few baby items that I am going to put on ebay, a couple of first size snowsuits so hopefully they should go well at this time of year.

Am going to phone the CCCS this afternoon when DD goes for her nap

Sorry i didnt think of this thesecond, i thought she s looking for ways to make money.
poverty trap

ok nesta , I really meant it is better for ME socially and menatlly to work. My dd is 6 so is at school and all my friends work so I would go nuts sitting around doing nothing. My house is spotless and my ironing and washing is always up to date so I really don't know how people fill the hours, ( no doubt I will get slated for that but hey ho)

No doubt OP is genuinly poor, I live somewhere where I haven't actually seen genuine poverty. I know people who get their rent paid by the council (private rent) so could you lookinto that OP?

bobby - sorry things so tough :(

mn is a fab place for advice and times like this all club together and try and help out

there are so many people willing to send you clothes etc so please take them up on it

bs is a fab way to earn extra pennies,esp if you have some exp as a teaching assistant - i was going to write exactly what Laquitar did

so put an ad up on your local netmums/ring agencies - most will say you need a current crb

BobbyBlue - I may be able to help with bras then.

I am a 32F, but have bought things a bit too big before. I have just created an email address, [email protected].
If you would feel comfortable to do so please email me your address and I will post my collection to you. Anything that is no good please feel free to dispose of however you like but if just one fits it will increase your wearable bra collection by 100%!

Also if you want to mention what size your DD3 is I can happily add a pack of babygros to my sainsbury's shop tonight and send them on without remotely noticing it on my shopping bill.

if you are so poor you have to cut the feet off your baby's babygrows, why won't you accept some of the very kind offers of clothes donations. Pride won't keep your kids warm.

sorry post was for OP - only read first page.... [shame]

PayPlan saved us - they arrange a debt managemetn plan for you, are very non-judgemental and can help you to get cheap utilities, insurance etc. We are 4 years into a 6 year plan and they phoned last week to do our annual review and have reduced our monthly paymnent to help us through the next 6 months. We wouldn't have survived with out them.
Google them, they can help you

bobbyBlue I have tons of boys clothes age 7-9 in really good nick, I have no one to give them to please say yes and I will be happy to send them.
Also have a look at freecycle, just think of it as doing the other person a favour.
both my local cinemas do a kids club on saturdays and sundays where you can go to see a film for about £2, the films are usually maybe 3 months old but its a huge saving on full price and you can make the popcorn at home for pennies.

Check out your local library for info on whats going on for free in your area, also cheap film rental.

"contraception is free" You don't say?

The Daily Mail online is that way ---> With that patronising attitude you'll fit right in.

Payplan helped me enormously too, orignally I was told that as long as I was paying £1 per month that the companies couldn't do anything. Then when I was in a better position I upped the payments to approx £5 per month for each company. It means that I will be paying them off for ever and a day at the moment but I am hoping once I complete my OU degree(am in my 2nd year out of 6) that I shall be able to get a better job and clear my debts. I have approx £20k of debts
Probably not much use to you but just wanted you to know that you aren't on your own.
I too have bags and bags of girl's clothes of all ages and wouldn't mind posting some to you .....they range from age 1-11

Me and DH are now just in the last few months of getting out of our overdraft - this is after spending the last 3 years paying off over £30,000 of debt. At first, we just threw as much money as possible at the debt and have lived on the breadline, but about a year ago we discovered a man called 'Dave Ramsey' whose system we have followed since. He's not to everyone's liking, as he is very radical, but he has a very common sense approach and it worked for us. We aren't there yet - like I said we still have to get out of our overdraft (will be done by Dec), but for the first time in our marriage (7 years today) we don't have loans, HP or credit cards to pay off. It has been tough and yes, it gets VERY depressing at times, but it is so worth it when you get to the end of the road :-)

Bobbyblue - Don't think you deserve some of the insults and nastiness that have been thrown at you - after all the last line of your post said it all 'Feel better after having a moan' sometimes it really helps, writing stuff down, then reading it back to yourself. Makes more logical sense than having it keep going round in circles in your mind. I can really understand you not wanting to accept offers as that clearly was not the motive behind your original post.
PM me, with your email address if you want some stuff sending to you. I have a big box of toys in the spare room, new, safe, stuff (doubles from parties, comp prizes etc that will just be given to the charity shop. You could use them as stocking fillers. I would put them through the franking machine at work, so it would cost me nowt to send)
Keep your chin up lovey. It will get better one day, and what a great example to show your kids that you can get through it, have singing competions, winter picnics in the park with a flask of soup and rolls and blankets, (great memories!) laughs and cuddles cost nothing. They will have a great sense of appreciation of what they have, and that will make them much nicer to be around as they grow into adults.They will realise one day the sacrifices mum and dad made and be really proud. You can't put a price on that. Take care xxx

car boots sales often have baby/kids clothes.

it does get easier I'm sure - just takes afew years.

in the mean time can you geta few hours work for a couple of evenings mid week?

I'm sorry, I realise now that you had already posted your DC's ages when I asked. My DD is only 4 months so her clothes won't be much use to you! But rest assured that loads of us have children in hand me downs. We got hold of a massive bin bag full for DS for a tenner and they lasted him 18 months. DD has loads from our friends as well - we've had to buy new as well because she could puke for England.

I don't know if the comment has been made already (skimmed thread, sorry) but cheap babygros from Tesco/Asda do shrink badly in the wash so are not that cheap in the long run - you definitely need to cut the feet off them to make them last to the defined age.

YANBU. It is miserable being poor and having to scrimp and save day after day, month after month, year after year just for the basic necessities. Those who haven't done it simply don't understand. Some of us foolishly took out loans or credit card debts to pay for things like car tax, washing machine repairs, etc... Debts are debilitating and seem eternal at times.

Some times it feels like a never ending cycle of stress, worry and heartache. I work ft and am studying hard with the OU and hoping that when I finish I will be able to get a decent job. Right now, it isn't worth my while working more hours, as the extra money earned would just mean my tax credits would be reduced next year. I would also struggle as a LP to find childcare on weekends/evenings, and it would be unfair on DS to take time away from him as he never sees his DF.

I know how you feel, have just spent the last hour working out finances, how to pay my rent, negotiating making staged payments for electricity etc.
It is difficult to be short of money, it's stressful, depressing and brings you down. I have been looking for work since February and am struggling on benefits.
The only thing I can suggest is try selling stuff on ebay? You could even ask other people if they could donate old clothes for you to sell for them - I recently did that for my mum and got a bit of extra money for myself.
Good luck and stay hopeful - you never know what's around the corner!

I have also had dealings with PayPlan.

You sound down about it all, but do you know what, we are all in the same boat. Lots of people will be screwed if mortgate rates go up (all of us with unsecured debts are already screwed). I agree you need debt advice more than earning extra money. If you can negotiate a reduced payment, or even no payment, it will make a big difference. I would go bankrupt if I had no property myself. Phone CAB AND one or two of the debt counselling services (the free ones) and see if you can't get someone else to manage the debt for you and negotiate on your behalf.

You SHOULD have enough left for clothes, they are an essential, and any debt management plan will allow for them. If the bank/mortage company only get £1 a month after that, so be it, they've had their pound of flesh. Seek debt advice, it doesn't have to be like this.

I know what you mean, it's just grinding isn't it, everyday, never having money for anything.

Sometimes it all just gets on top of you.

All the suggestions for earning extra money aren't really that much help, it all just gets taken back next year with tax credits and makes next year awful, I think people on larger incomes perhaps don't realise that.

The debt management suggestions are good.

And everyone telling bobby that there is nothing wrong with her children wearing 2nd hand clothes, she didn't say there was, and would probably take them gladly if she knew you in real life, but that is not what she started the thread for.

You just need a moan every so often!

Wonder if you would say "contraception is free" to someone in this position in RL? I actually think that is a shockingly awful thing to say to someone whatever the circumstances, you are basically saying they should not have had their dc, see how op came on afterwards and justified having her daughter? Horrible.

It seems to me from many of the threads i read on here that those suffering the most financial hardship are those working full time on a low wage, I am a single parent on benefits but do not struggle in the way the op describes, it is a shocking state of affairs.

bobby, I know what you mean about not wanting to accept anything, but sometimes you just have to.

I remember on here a few years ago writing a post like yours, saying I could never afford to go into next and treat my boys to something, well a very kind poster called tiredemma unexpectedly sent me £30 of next vouchers and a really nice letter I kept for ages (until my bag was stolen), anyway, it so lifted my spirits it was such a surprise and the boys got lovely Xmas things from it

please accept help on here. Most posters on MN are absolutely geinuine and would help you our in a flash, please take the help for your family.

and also don't feel bad about moaning, its better to moan here than constantly being at your dh's throat

you'll always get posters telling you off for moaning, but only listen to the ones giving you good advice, ignore the smug rest